I am worried about 4yo DS1

[filthylucre]

Hi, I posted this in Gifted and Talented but have been advised to post it here too.

I have a worry about ds1 which crops up every now and again, I have said to myself "Oh, don't be silly" so many times over the last 4 years but it still niggles away at the back of my mind.

He is a very, very verbal and articulate child. At his preschool open day a few months ago the headmaster sought us out and gushed at some length about how gifted he is, and he also made some comments about ds1's social interaction - he said ds1 tends to follow activities he wants to do rather than children he wants to play with, and that although he gets on OK with all of his peers, he doesn't make relationships with the other children, he prefers to play alone or with adults.

I know he's only four and that in itself sounds like nothing worth worrying about. But it fed into worries I already had about him, IYSWIM. From birth (he had a very difficult arrival and very nearly died, was in SCBU etc) he would not make eye contact during breastfeeding, I remember thinking that was odd. He has a slightly odd gait and mannerisms which remind me strongly of an adopted relative of mine who has severe autism, although ds1 is extremely verbal and bright, he is already reading and writing. He is a loving and affectionate little boy now, but I had to teach him about hugging and kissing and physical closeness. I remember when dh and I had had a bit of a spat on the train once, when ds1 was 2.5 - he put out his hand and touched my arm. It was the first time he ever spontaneously touched me. He does come for cuddles and kisses now, but as I said, I had to introduce him to the idea and literally teach him how to give/receive affection.

He does also have an obsession with trains - yes, I know all boys do, but this is a SERIOUS obsession. So much so that his preschool teacher had to ask me to find and print timetables for the entire London Underground so that she could give him truthful answers to his constant questions about how long it takes to get from Waterloo to Goodge Street, or Embankment to Whitechapel, etc etc. I would say that a good 80% of his play/pretending/conversation is train-based. He does have odd little rituals and routines which seem to make him happy, he will recite the familiar landmarks on the bus to town with a beatific smile on his face.

As I said, he is a very articulate, friendly, lovely little boy. If he does have an autistic spectrum disorder, which is what I am starting to suspect, it certainly wouldn't be the end of the world for me.

I am starting also to think, as I do more reading, that it might have something to do with me. So many of the things I read about HFA/Aspergers are familiar to me. I remember at the age of six being told off in front of the whole class for something, and the teacher snapped her fingers in my face and said "Oi! No you don't. You're staying right here!" because I was tuning out. I used to be able to unfocus my eyes and tune out the sound if I didn't want to be there. I had weird intense obsessions (knew the names and characteristics of hundreds of species of shark, for example, and plastered my room/schoolbooks with pictures of them), did odd repetitive things, was clumsy and scatterbrained and took odd things literally, and was socially very awkward, I have commented so many times that I feel as though everyone else was issued with a copy of the "rules" of social interaction and I didn't get one.

I know there are lots of parents here who know so much more than I do about the autistic spectrum. I would be so grateful if someone would read this and give their opinion.

The final thing that made me post this was yesterday, when I was chatting to one of the teachers at his preschool. I told her about some writing he was doing at the weekend that surprised me because although I knew he could write his name, I didn't realise he could write other words - he can spell and write simple words like "cat" on his own. I also told her that he had written "Daddy" completely in reverse, ie totally accurate mirror writing. She said "Oh, that's a sign of autism" and looked at me really pointedly.

I won't be upset if he does have some level of ASD, but I think it's probably quite important to know about it if he does, and to seek any advice we can get on how to do what's best for him.

[2Shoes]

sorry can't help but wanted to bump it up for you, I am sure someone will be along who can.

[PeachyClair]

Hi

Firstly your son may be totally T,the only way you'll know though for certain is to get him assessed at a paediatric clinic, which your HV or GP can refer to.

I would say though that your son sounds much like mine- Sam is almost 7, yet has a verbal age of over 10, and is on the 95th centile for language- but he IS extremely literal and pedantic, and has a flat tone of voice, and also poor non verbal communication. Sam has a dx of HFA, whch we got in July.

It might be worth having a look at the national autistic society website, as that has lots of information.

Please do feel free to CAt me if you want a chat. IME if you have a very verbal child it can make getting help harder, as they can cleverly cover their sn.

[SpookyMadMummy]

Hi there
I have a dd1 with asd. some of what you are describing I see in her at times. However I would recommend if you do want a diagnosis to go to your gp and ask him/her to refer your ds to the local childrens development centre. With a confirmed dx you will then be assured of exactly what you are dealing with on a day to day basis and this will help your son. Also a dx will help any other care providers as you mentioned in your post about preschool.
A word of warning though... a diagnosis will take time! there are variances from region to region but my dd took 6 months of badgering the doctors to get something concrete in relation to her condition, but the initial waiting time for the childrens development team was 5 months also and that was the hardest part for me. The feeling was that we were in limbo waiting.... hth..

[nannynick]

Sorry to throw this comment into the discussion, but you do want different views I expect

How would a dx of autism help your child?

While he may well show signs of being on the autistic spectrum, I feel that a lot of people will appear on that spectrum, though only some will be diagnosed... others, particularly high functioning individuals will remain undiagnosed and lead reasonanble lives.

Personally, I feel that I would appear on the autistic spectrum... and certainly did have some difficulties at school, and still do have difficulties now with social skills as an adult. However, would a dx be beneficial to me... don't feel it would.

What I am trying to say is weigh up the pros and cons of getting a diagnosis. Think about what benefit your child will get from having a diagnosis, and also what negative impact it could have.

[saintmaybe]

It's called a spectrum for a reason, I think. Since ds2 was diagnosed at 3, dp and I have spotted loads of traits in both of us which are, or could be, indicators, though there's no way either of us would be diagnosable. Dp's also realised that his uncle, who's what used to be called eccentric, probably would be diagnosed if he were a kid today. Following on from nannynick, I think he definitely has a point, but also a big reason for taking the diagnosis 'route' is that that's how you get access to resources and support for your child, if they need it. Lots of people have more or less 'autistic' traits, I think, and partly there's more awareness and more inclination to diagnose. If you're feeling anxious I'd go to your HV or GP. But people do vary a lot, everyone is different (thank goodness) and your son may be completely T. He sounds lovely!

[coppertop]

I agree with the others about asking for an assessment to find out if there is a problem. A diagnosis will make it much more likely that you and your ds will get some help.

FWIW I'm not sure I agree that mirror writing itself is a sign of autism. My ds1 (ASD) does this sometimes when he is tired but I'm sure I remember seeing threads here on mumsnet where parents of NT children have said that they do the same thing.

I haven't seen your other thread btw so will go and have a look now.

[PeachyClair]

Sam does do the mirror writing but nobody mentioned it was a sign before.

Nannynick you have a valid point, I guess my concern would be that it can easily take years (3 for us) to get a DX, and probably it's best not to wait to start the dx process until your child is having problems- that's a lot of waiting with a struggling child. I'm also diagnosable and don't see the point now (although I have agoraphobia which is perhaps linked) but I can see how I could have been helped along a lot had I received support as a child.

[Saker]

I'm pretty sure mirror writing is common in all children learning to write. I remember my NT Ds1 doing it occasionally. See here . (I am shocked at the tactlessness of his preschool teacher.) However that doesn't address your other concerns. I agree with others that it might be worth asking for further investigation if you think your ds needs some support. Even if you decide not at the moment, it's something to bear in mind if he has difficulties later on.

[sarz]

sorry if i repeat anything, not read whole thread, but from reading your post i would say that it sounds very likely that your son has Aspergers. I have worked with alot of children and adults on the spectrum of all abilities, and what you describe sounds very like it. I think you should definatly speak your GP. But what i think is most important is that you embrace his very high abilities and intelligence. I know many parents that used the 'label' as an excuse and because the child was so clever they knew thay could do whatever they want and get away with it!! Your son sounds very very smart and i think thats the important issue to deal with. Make sure you stimulate him enough, as schools are not always so great at dealing with very intelligent children and they become disruptive because they are bored.