Da 6 becoming very territorial about sandpit and tox box

[Lesley25]

Ds has asd. He has becoming violent towards any child coming near his toy box- he will run down the stairs and try and snack everyone away. We can try and manage this at home but not school. He has a 1:1 but if any child goes near the sandpit he smacks. The HT has told us if this happens again, she will take "further action" exclude I think.
I'm at my wits end. I've kept him off and we have a huge stop sign to stop the smacking but he's so worked up and screaming, it take 20 minutes of him crying and being outside to calm down. I'm so scared to send him to school which he loves because of this. I know the trigger, I have the stop sign which does work but doesn't help him control his emotion. He's so distressed.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Fgs they cant exclude him for that!!

Tell them to get another sand box a small one if necessary and it can be his with his one to one for now. Gradually when he is calm over a period of time they could introduce one child playing along side him with their own equipment and the TA in between them. Then the TA could work on your Ds passing toys or saying hi until that one child is accepted.

After that another child could be introduced.

This is going to take time!

Your Ds might never cope with the stress of being involved in free play around a toy box or sandpit. It is a really tough thing to do andrequires lots of understanding and the ability to predict how others are going to behave!

If the school wont learn how to manage and support him, you may need another school

Good luck

[Lesley25]

I will suggest this, thank you Ineed.
We are nearing the end of ms working even with a TA full time. I feel like such a basic principal like this gas escaped them. I noticed da becoming territorial about the sandpit at home time and mentioned it. The next day ds lashed out violently with another dc and I was called in. We were told that with ds's health it might be wise to keep him home for a few days.Ds has got a few health issues but even with antibiotics I can see this isn't an issue with him just being "off colour". It's up to us whether he goes back tomorrow and I'm frightened for him, but I'm a wreck thinking I can't keep him home forever. I'm starting to think if this is the straw that breaks the camels back then let it be. But I'm so sorry for ds. He loves school and his ta. It will be so very hard for him to leave.

[Ineedmorepatience]

I really feel for you

Many mainstreams just arent up to the job of looking after our children. Are there any speicalist ASD schools within reach, even if not in your LA?

Its very hard to keep sending them isnt it

[Lesley25]

We are one of the largest authorities yet have no asd type provisions for asd primary age children. I have found a local ish school for children with profound disabilities that I liked but I thought we might've been a couple of years away and the school I loved (80% asd students) take children from 9 onwards- that would've suited him more I felt. But we are where we are. The one thing I do know after experiencing multiple meltdowns today are also because he cannot express himself. And it's so frustrating that it's distressing for everyone. I'm finally realising I cannot "hurry" the process of language/ communication so I need to step back and just "go" with the meltdown. Provide hugs reassurances distractions etc?? I can't expect a Ms to do that. I get that now.

[Ineedmorepatience]

I think the trouble is that while MS can be ok for preschool and reception, after that the staff are trained to deliver the curriculum! In my experience they get worse at thinking outside the box the further up the school the children go.

At the early years stage they expect that children wont be so good at sharing and co operative play and some wont be ready at all but once you start getting into the mainschool its all about the work and targets!! Any children who cant cope or who arent ready fall by the wayside or spend all day with a TA!

I would go for special school or HE if you can, you could always move again at 9 because I am guessing that school will go through to 16/18/25!

Good luck

[Lesley25]

Thanks Ineed. At least the next move will be the last.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Yep hopefully, In my experience school moves dont effect children as much as we think they will even with Asd in the mix. If his needs are met better and he is in the right setting he will be happier and will not look back to a school where he was unhappy!

[Lesley25]

Ineed thank you. It just make me get so teary when ds says the name of his ta (one of the first times he spoke) and looks at me with questioning eyes. I then have to say " no not today". he loves his ta so much. But wipes eyes we will cross that bridge when we get there.
or we will steal the ta when noones looking (insert evil laugh face)

[Ineedmorepatience]

I can understand that it is hard, I dabble in a bit of one to one myself and you do get attached to children and their families! And them to you, at least he has someone on his side even if she cant change the way things are at the school.

There will be other amazing TA's and teachers