1 week to dx meeting- what to do after dx with son in mainstream school

[lala21]

Its me again - need some wise words from you lovely mums/dads.

son 6 1/2 awaiting a ASD dx and /with social communication disorder etc.
( Meeting next week and was told to be prep for it- she was finalising a report with
the multi disc team who have assessed him since dec last year)

I have reg meeting with the school ed psych / he has 1:1 with senco for art and music therapy and also we do a family support group.

Class teachers say how exceptionally bright he is etc but they are puzzled why he struggles to listen in class, the lack of friends and successful play has affected him and we had to deal with some nasty incidents this term from some boys in his class ( which I am assured has stopped) but we are watching very closely -

he has been clean today but all last week he had accidents at home and was not clean ( which of course distressed him) school seem to smile and nod but I feel that its beginning to unravel now- ( again )

I suppose I am asking once the dx comes what do we do? ( a friend - with an asd son said to start the statmenting process )

another mum with a daughter higher up in school with a asd daughter was told she was too bright for a statement - so I am confused.

Apart from that I don't even know if he is happy at school since we're now having problems with him even entering the gate/classroom I can't even think of the statement when trying to get him to school is proving very hard.

I don't know what I am asking sorry I guess I'm feeling very stressed and confused.

[Firsttheyignoreyou]

Oh my goodness, you have brought memories flooding back: the and-where-do-I-go-now time?

What is on offer locally for teaching social skills?
Is mainstream the right environment?
Have you thought about a special school? The NAS do run some - I think they are all independent i.e. private. Is there one locally? If there is, go pay a visit.
Are there sensory issues?
It sounds like there is anxiety - usually underpins the school refusal. He is not being difficult, he is not coping.
How can the school help with this? Is there CBT available in your area?
Are you in touch with your local autism support group?

Just got myself "Teaching children with Autism to Mind read" - fascinating - and also liked Joel Shaul's materials, and Chantal Sicile-Kira's 'Autism Spectrum Disorder' book.

We went the statement route - very, very spikey profiles and mainstream couldn't deliver - it is not just whether you are bright, there are other factors that can stop you accessing an education: sensory, mental health, language, social and communication.

Good luck with the meeting - ask for their advice, their recommendations for the best way forward. Is someone going with you? It is almost impossible to take it all on board if you are on your own.

[lala21]

Thank you firsttheyignoreyou. You are so right on every point. Yes DH is coming with me - and yes we are wondering if the mainstream is right, we chose the smallest state school 1 form entry that was offered not that academic and pushy and he is really struggling.

We do have a state school with an ASD unit near us we were 65 on the waiting list when reception places were offered. On our council website it is the school that they have down as a special needs school suitable for ASD children and HFA - am wondering if I should approach again and see if they had spaces- I loved it before

I think that despite all that the school is putting in place they're just not understanding him at all and actually he is being left much to his own devices.

His target everyday this week has been 'Sit nicely on the carpet all ( underlined) day' ( setting him up to fail) really !!!!!!!!!!

anyway I shall def check out those books

x x x

[senvet]

asd daughter was told she was too bright for a statement

This is 100% wrong. The definition of SEN is (s 20 Children and Families Act 2014)

"When a child or young person has special educational needs

(1)A child or young person has special educational needs if he or she has a learning difficulty or disability which calls for special educational provision to be made for him or her.
(2)A child of compulsory school age or a young person has a learning difficulty or disability if he or she—
(a)has a significantly greater difficulty in learning than the majority of others of the same age, or
(b)has a disability which prevents or hinders him or her from making use of facilities of a kind generally provided for others of the same age in mainstream schools or mainstream post-16 institutions."

If your friend's dc has to learn how to make friends, how to get mainstream social skills right, etc etc, then she needs eg small group social skills teaching those skills.

And that sits very squarely under the definition.

Notice the definition contains no reference to the following:-
intelligence
coping
behaviour
academic - in particular not "greater difficulty learning academic subjects"
class - in particular not "greater difficulty learning in class"
teacher - so the definition covers therapy which needs a specialist like a speech and language therapy to teach it.


Being clever may mean that a dc may be more able to learn mainstream body language through the conscious channel. Mainstream kids learn please and thank you through the conscious channel and with repetition it becomes automatic. For some ASD/C kids it is standing in the correct place, or getting volumes matched, or looking out for non-verbal cues from other people.

Sorry, rant over.

But both you and your friend can have help with all this from the NAS education help line and get allocated a trained volunteer to help you through (0808 800 4102), as well as these excellent boards of course.

Hang in there

[StarlightMcKenzee]

'Class teachers say how exceptionally bright he is etc but they are puzzled why he struggles to listen in class'

Of course they are. They have had very little training in SEN let alone Autism, let alone 'educating' rather than 'managing' a child with autism.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

'Sit nicely on the carpet all day'

What on earth is the point of that target. Is it to make THEIR lives easier rather than his? What is he doing with his mind whilst he is there. Is he learning something or is he just keeping out of the way or creating the illusion of inclusion where in fact he is isolated?

[senvet]

if anyone was made to sit nicely on the carpet all day it would be a breach of their human rights and maybe even a cruel and unusual punishment.

no nt 6.5 year old could do that. Are they totally out of their minds?

Can't they use some of their delegated SEN funding to have a training day on ASD? I have a dim memory that the NAS will run them for schools....

[Firsttheyignoreyou]

Good - two heads are so much better than one. Take a list of all your concerns and his needs and ask how they can be addressed:
Is the school coping? Sounds like it isn't and might, just might, be honest enough to admit he isn't in the right environment.
DS isolated - so no equivalent peer group i.e. one he can respond to and cope with and build relationships with. He hasn't - the proof is there.
DS becoming clearly more anxious as his moving towards school refusal shows.
He is aware that life is difficult for him.
Are there issues with noise, food, light, touch? My DS2 cannot cope with a group of 10 at times. Don't forget sensory issues often vary wildly on a day to day basis, so in my DS2's case he loves Panto - incredibly loud - but recently a child behind him singing too loud reduced him to tears.
Has he had an OT assessment?
You might need a EHCP to access the other school. Find out if that is the case.
If you look at this meeting as an information gathering exercise, what is the key question you need answered? Will you get points of contact from it - can you go back to the people present later for more advice?
Even if you are expecting the dx, it can still knock you sideways - so be kind to yourselves. This process is supposed to help but regularly needs a kick helping hand to do what it is designed to. Hope it is a positive step towards getting your DS the support he needs.

[lala21]

Thank you all so much - this morning was a total disaster but he went in- I have left a message for a volunteer to call me back from NAS.

We are on a 18 week waiting list for OT.
I am awaiting a developmental paediatric appointment
I have asked the school to ref to incontinent clinic ( nearby) as he is not clean at school- they said he can use the disable toilet - but he struggles to clean himself-

Am about to call the SEN dep at our borough to ask about the other school

have printed off all your comments - finding the support here invaluable

[Bilberry]

About the other school (with the unit), as they have a unit they may be generally more understanding but that doesn't mean Ms kids will have access to the unit. Unit places are often allocated by a special panal at the LA so your place on the MS waiting list wouldn't be relevant.

[StarlightMcKenzee]

And not all units are equal.....