I can't do this again.

[Sahkoora]

DS2 had his first paed appointment last Friday. After listening to my extensive notes and playing with him a bit, she has referred him to the CADU for a one-off observation. She said that although she can't/won't diagnose based on one meeting, she thinks he will end up with an ASD dx.

Some of you may remember all the trouble we had with DS1 and school a year ago; he was bullied out by a hideous HT, spent ten months at home awaiting a hard-won placement at the local SS. He's settled now, and the SS is brilliant.

But I can't fight that fight again. I almost had a nervous breakdown last time. I can't believe the cruelty perpetuated at schools against our kids, and that there is no redress. The injustice of what happened to DS1 has left me scarred. If and when DS2 gets his diagnosis, there is no way I could trust a ms school ever again.

Every parent I have met through the ss has a similar story to ours, even those whose kids have much lower capabilities than DS. DS2 has speech and communication difficulties and thinking of him alone and isolated in a terrifying environment he can't cope with breaks my heart.

I know there's no answer to this. Just feeling really low and wanted to share. Thanks for listening.

[senvet]

Hang in there. You have done DS1 proud

Do you think DS2 would be well placed at the same ss as DS1, or does he need something different?

[2boysnamedR]

In similar shoes to you and feel the same, thing is you can do this again. You did it before. Your wiser now. Plus look at your alternative?

[Corrimony]

I agree you will have a huge advantage over last time.

I share your anger about how schools treat our children. Your boys sound very lucky to have you, though.

[HugAndRoll]

You can do it! We will all be here for listening, and (if wanted) advice. You've done it before, you can do it again.

[TotheBarricades]

It is that awful moment of realisation of here we go again, isn't it? But the good thing is second time round (or third, or fourth) we are so less easy to push around, less likely to believe that the school or LA even have our kids' interests on the table and we come with a reputation.

Vent, rail, cry and then, we go back in ready to fight their corner. The world isn't fair and getting the right intervention should not be an all out fight but in reality, it seems the norm most of the time. Like everyone is saying, you have taken them on once and won, you can do it again.

SALT makes a major difference - DS2 at 6 couldn't put sentences together, at 11 he is low-average and you can't shut him up!

[2boysnamedR]

I think there is real power in having your history. I feel deflated doing this again.

However a big part of me laughs inside. People rightly fear me now. I hold the power. Whatever happens I will always hold the trump card.

I have been crawling on my knees and come out winning.

No one can take that from me. No la, doctor or anyone is prepared to get down in the mud and scrabble in it over my son, but I will, they know that. Show them. No one believes this like you do. Believe it

[Sahkoora]

Thank you all so much. You are all such fantastic support and so incredibly knowledgeable. I haven't met any of you and don't know anyone's real name but I owe you all so much.

Honks to you all too. Let's fight the good fight for our little ones together!

ridiculously emotional

[Sahkoora]

Thank you manish. Maybe if I had experienced what you have with ms the first time round I wouldn't be so mistrustful. But we had repeated lies about the support DS1 was getting, he was forced onto a reduced timetable of less than 6hrs a week and it all culminated in them trying to force him into the PRU because he was a "health and safety" issue.

In his ms he was isolated and kept apart from his peers. Autism aids such as visual timetables were used as a stick to beat him with and the TAs and 1 to 1 he did have were completely ignorant of his difficulties. They wouldn't bend enough to let him enter the classroom by a different door when lining up in the playground was too much for him, the HT banned me from entering the school with him to settle him beforehand and DS started wetting himself and having panic attacks over being left in their care.

Unfortunately in our area, this is not unusual, so I have absolutely no faith that mainstream schools around here would want to help DS2 get an education, sadly. They had given up teaching DS1 to read and after a term and a half at ss, he's reading fluently.

I have all the contacts and all the knowledge this time round. And this time I know what's legal too :)

[StarlightMcKenzee]

The most draining aspect of the 'fight' is the emotional abuse hurled at you through accusations of you lacking trust in the professionals who are supposed to care, and the slow torturous realisation that most of them really don't.

You won't go through that again. You already know and you'll have no tolerance of bull, nor will you stick at something to please THEM, nor will you give them time, or a chance, or attend fruitless meetings. The whole thing will still be hard but not require anywhere near the same level of energy.