DC is very violent with me.

[Adoptakid]

Also have this on adoption site, its been suggested I ask here too as DC has SN.

(nc'd for this, Im a regular)

I adopted a DC as a single parent.
DC's bloodline is fraught with behavioural/phsychotic/mental issues.

DC was abused by birth parents till taken into care when DC was 4.

I met, fell in love with and adopted DC within 3 years of this.

I knew about the abuse and bloodline but naivly thought that with love, care and nurturing DC would not be cured of the disabilities DC has (along with above mentioned has autism, ASD, behavioural issues, none of which I gave DC).but I thought DC would be able to manage in a calmer atmosphere IYKWIM.

unforch circumstances -me being a disabled single parent myself and DCS disabilities, we have had to go throught he ringer to get to now, DC has just turned teen, and with it, even thoughI fully understand the hormonal changes and growth pains, etc, DC cant understand this -also has severe learning difficulties,

DC is either remembering the abuse, or one thing or another is now punching, kicking me, spitting at me, verbal abuse-Im gonna kill you, Ill murder you in your sleep etc...

Its obviously very distressing for me.

DC has not been dragged up, they are in a good solid moral upbringing, I never let DC watch violent/superhero stuff, nor play xbox stuff except mariokart type things, they never listen to explicit lyrics etc etc, Im very careful what DC watches on tv etc.

yet DC has this in the DNA, and CAMHS woont deal with it, they say its nothing to do with them, nor anger management, soc servces basically say ''your child, your responsibility, you should have said no to them and not adopted them''. WTF?

why am I being trashed for loving a child and doing the best I can?

But Im scared. Ive had to call police a couple of times and once eneded up in hospital with bruised ribs.

thing is,, I told police DC is not a badly dreagged up thug, DC has mental issues.

I don't know what else to do, DC doesn't know their own strength and I try to be as patient as poss.

adoption services not helpful ither, or GP as I only have limited medical evidence of DCS bloodline.

thanks for reading this, sorry its long.

[Adoptakid]

Also, adopted or not, if your sn child has tourettes. sensory public meltdowns, how do you react?

some onlookers look sympathetic and seem to realise child has probs, yet not able to step in and help, others tut and give the judgy -look what the cat dragged up- look, tutting and criticising

I would have thought people would be savvy enough to know the difference between a sn child and a genuine badly brought up child (not childrens fault at all)

[fairgame]

I think you should speak to the school and ask for a CAF to be done. Your child clearly has a complex history. A CAF will identify all of the issues and then an action plan will be put in place to start to address them by putting in some support.
Do you get any respite at all? I would look into applying for short breaks/direct payments as well.
I'm that social services and CAMHS haven't offered any support.

[fairgame]

And to answer your second post - unfortunately you have to get used to it. The public can either be arseholes or decent. Most of them are judgy arseholes and can't see the difference between a naughty and sn child.

[Adoptakid]

I have a massive bump and bruise on leg today after an attack-don't want to call it assault, as I said, DCs not a thug, but DC was expelled from sn school because of going for teachers and pupils -only when DC was interrupted when doing something, DC cant stand anyone invading the space.

no school will accept DC. Ive tried like a million.

cant go to behavioural school because of learning problems, cant go to sn school because of behavioural!

Im teaching DC at home and DC is brilliantly calmer with home schooling, just everything else.

CAMHS have been shitting feckers, FOUR times over the years and FOUR times have dismissed DC. and this is THREE different boroughs.

[fairgame]

Have you looked at independent special schools? My son has ASD and challenging behaviour and goes to a specialist autism school. They take children across the autism spectrum, some with learning difficulties and some without.

But the main problem is how you solve the issue right now. Somebody needs to step in and help. As your son is not in school then you need to put pressure on social services to help. As they have refused to so far then maybe it might be worth asking for a carer's assessment as another way in to the system.
Are there any local charities that you can access that can support you to get the help that you need?

[Adoptakid]

Fair tried all you said and no, no help there either!

As I said DC is MUCH better with home education, that's not a problem but I cant be schooling all day 24/7.

Having said all this, my social worker just came back to me saying they'll send a support worker sometime next week for an hour and see how it goes.

DC may or may not go for them but well see.

my social workersvery nice but hes very limited to what he can do as this is not a 'put ina a particular box' case IYKWIM.

[fairgame]

I'm sorry i can't be more helpful
Hopefully someone else will come along soon with more ideas. It's awful trying to professionals who think they know best. My mum is a social worker and honestly she is nice and everything but she is completely clueless about what to do with SN kids, it must be so frustrating if your on the receiving end of it!

[Adoptakid]

I appreciate your suggestions and help.

Its just Ive been there done that got the tshirt etc etc.

Its so frustrating there are supposed to be so many services out there and they pass you from pillar to post and then just leave you hugh and dry cause no ones got an answer.

and then they call themselves experts!

[Adoptakid]

high and dry, not Hugh!

[Adoptakid]

going back to my regular nn now so ill keep a watch put for any posts, I haven't left!

will reply tomorrow. thanks.