Feeling really fed up today

[Saker]

As some of you probably know, Ds2 attends a special needs class attached to a mainstream infant school. At the end of the three years there a child may go back into mainstream with or without support or on to the special school in the same town.

I thought he was doing okay, he seems to really enjoy school and talks to me about the other children and the things he does. However I was talking to his teacher on the phone last night, and she seems to be despairing of him. In particular it seems to be his motor skills which are very poor. She says they are unable to give him the support he needs and she is talking about applying for a statement with a view to moving him over to the special school in the next year rather than waiting until his time in the unit has finished. I was fully expecting he wouldn't go back to mainstream at the end of this time, and I know he needs a statement whatever but it still shocked me to find how little he is able to do at school and that they have already had enough of him after only two terms. I know his motor skills are bad but it seems that he is unable to do anything at school, even things that he does do okay at home. In addition he is very passive and doesn't talk much or contribute much (which again is not true at all at home).

We have been doing RDI with him and feel that he has made some real progress but this has really knocked my confidence and made me wonder if I just see what I want to and gloss over the problems.

I don't even know what to do about his motor skills - he doesn't even have a diagnosis of dyspraxia though he seems really severely dyspraxic to me - when I hear other kids with dyspraxia described it seems they are still miles ahead of Ds2. I have books and suggestions of exercises but when he is at school 8-4 it is difficult to fit it all in, and half of it is too difficult for him anyway. He can't even take his shoes off and he is 5 years old.

On top of all this, Ds1 who has always been pretty trouble-free has suddenly developed a really severe stammer at the age of 7 and I now have to take him to a speech therapist to see what we can do about that. But I know there is relatively little that can be done and I am really scared he is going to be stuck with that for the rest of his life.

Sorry for the moan, I just feel really fed up with all today and thought it might help to offload it a bit. Thanks for listening.

[suedenley]

sorry your feeling low today, sometimes it just feels like one thing on top of another doesnt it.Try and give yourself a treat today if you can a glass of something chilled and a soak in the bath maybe. sending you hugs

[sphil]

Oh Saker, poor you. I sympathise - although DS1 is coping OK in m/s I'm still frequently surprised at the difference between the way he is at home and school. Quite similar to your DS2 - he struggles with things that he can do at home and is much quieter and more passive. It's as if school puts him into a bit of a trance, iyswim - he kind of 'zones out'. My feeling is that auditory processing is to blame more than anything - I would guess your son's class is smaller but it may still be noisy or there may be other distractions? And I suppose a difficulty with processing info would have a knock-on effect on other skills - for example when DS1 is distracted he can't get dressed by himself properly. I found out yesterday that a girl in his class puts his shoes and socks on for him after EVERY PE lesson. I also watched him trying to get his stuff together at the end of the day and saw how he relies on the other kids for cues and help - even to the extent of putting his drink bottle over his head for him!
have you had a chance to observe Ds2 at school? I go in under the guise of helping with reading - but I do help as well as watching DS1 out of the corner of my eye... It's been the most useful thing I've done - can see the things he struggles with and then try to help him at home.

Sorry - only going on like this about DS1 because from our e-mails I've always thought he was more similar to your DS2 than my DS2 is - iyswim! I've been feeling a bit down since the beginning of term too - DS1 just blossomed in the hols and now I can see him starting to struggle again and it's so disheartening.

My e-mail is now working again - feel free to e-mail me if you want to chat more.

[Saker]

Thanks Sue for taking the trouble to answer, I will have a bath in a little while . Thanks also Sphil. You made me feel a lot better for suggesting a reason why Ds2 is so different at school than at home. He probably does have difficulty processing everything. Plus his speech is very unclear but at home we do understand most of what he says. They try but I know they don't understand a lot at school and it must make him think it isn't worth talking. He is definitely progressing at home and I suppose (and this must be true of your Ds1 also) that once he really has mastered things at home that must have a long term effect on his school life.

[wads]

My 5yo ds is sn but in m/s & I think it is rather harsh of your ds teacher to already be despairing after 2 terms. My ds is in his 2nd year of pre school with part time support & his teacher admits that the first few terms she thought she would never get anywhere with him, though thankfully she never told me at the time. All kids progress in bumps and starts, especially sn, so I really think they should give him more time to adjust before moving him.
Anyway the main reason I posted was because I have a friend who's nt ds also starting stuttering badly around age 6/7 & she put his complete cure down to horse riding classes he happened to start doing shortly afterwards - maybe worth trying some physical activity where your ds feels free to express himself without words IYSWIM?

[Saker]

Thanks Wads - I will have a think if there is anything physcial Ds1 might let himself go with. He is already a pretty active child and enjoys cycling, maybe we should concentrate on that. He does talk and talk though whatever he is doing, which doesn't help matters and probably reinforces the habit more.

I know what you mean about the teacher rushing ahead a bit. I think she is trying to think how Ds2's needs will be best met and feeling that they are not meeting them at the school as well as they could at the special school. However he is taking in quite a lot from what he says to me at home and she may have to accept that it could be a while before he shows evidence of this in the classroom.

Thanks for listening. I feel a bit more positive today.