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My child can't talk and I'm anxious about school

(14 Posts)
britney92 Mon 01-Sep-14 08:20:24

My 3 yr old son starts nursery tomorrow and is doing 2 1/2 days a week. My problem is he can't talk except for the odd word and communicates in the home using Makaton. His teachers don't know Makaton and have asked for a copy of the resources we get from speech therapy. But I'm now a panicky mummy about leaving him when they won't understand him. I'm now wondering if to send him at all.
He's also not toilet trained yet. At home he's fab and just takes himself off to the potty but when he's out he'll just wet himself. Anyone else have a similar experience

adrianna22 Mon 01-Sep-14 08:58:20

Hi OP. My DS is 4 and has a very severe language delay and is starting reception next week.

I know how you feel. Believe me I do. I worry about DS future, worrying about how his going to learn the things at school, if he already has difficulty learning and to use language.

But it came to the point that I was too fixated on what is the issue in his delayed talking. When I really should of been using my energy to help him.

DS was toilet trained at the age of two, I thought his speech would delay him. But it didn't at all and it took him 2-3 weeks.

I wouldn't bother with the potty if I was you, but it is your choice. When he was learning, I didn't use pull-ups or pampers on him. I either used just the cotton pants or leave him naked below the waist area.

I would then sit DS on the potty for 10-15 mins for every 30 mins.

If he did a wee, then I would praise him. If he happened to wet himself, I wouldn't get angry or anything, but I'll let DS help me with clearing up his accidents, teaching him to pull his pants wet pants down and putting this into the laundry basket. I also taught him to pull his pants down or up when going to the toilet. Ask the nursery to assist you in this when he starts.

When it comes to toilet training, be committed, not saying your not. But I took it as if I was toilet training DS one day but not doing it the next day. I might as well start toilet training all over again.
Regarding the communication issue at nursery. If your worried about people not understanding him, he can use PECS or if not assist that they use some basic Makaton signs for the staff to use, alongside using communication aids, pictures etc.

The site: has a looooooooot of resources about speech and communication needs. I brought a few of her stuff and because DS statement will not be ready on tips. I've got some tips and info that the school can be doing.

Also google ICAN, they are a communication website and you can book to talk to the speech therapist. They even talked to DS nursery about how to implement language in his time at nursery and how to support his needs.

Also. I world start off with the statementing process now! I wish I done this sooner.

adrianna22 Mon 01-Sep-14 09:01:41

Also. I think you also have to train him to use the toilet outside.

It's quite hard as your doing the potty at home, but then obviously you can't bring the potty outside when your out. That's why I just skipped that bit and went straight on to the toilet.

Also, wear pants for him when his outside.

britney92 Mon 01-Sep-14 09:29:31

Thanks. I have been really crap on the toilet training issue. I know I put it off for too long and I have done a bit of stopping starting. In my defence though I've spent the last 18 months in and out of hospital with my eldest as he's had bone cancer. So I do feel I've slightly neglected DS 2. I just feel I've let him down. Nobody is sure why he's choosing not to talk. They looked into autism first but other than his speech and toileting there's no other indicators that any things a miss. My Dad and my MIL have told me that they didn't speak until they were 5 and my nephew is struggling with language and he's a few years older.

britney92 Mon 01-Sep-14 09:31:58

I think I will ditch the potty. It worked well with the other two but clearly it's becoming an issue with him as he'll only use one potty and he's a bit old to be carrying one around.

Tambaboy Mon 01-Sep-14 09:48:02

hi britney72 and welcome to the board. My ds was very similar to yours when he first started school. Has the SALT been to the school and spoken to staff?
I remember someone from the Local authority came to observe ds and the nursery was given funding for 5 hours a week 1:1 support. Do you think ds would benefit from something like this?
ds understanding was very poor though and potty training didn't work out the first few times, I don't think he understood what was needed of him. He was fully potty trained just before he was 4.
As Adrianna22 has said ICAN is very good and you could have a look at Hanen resources as well like Takes Two to Talk.

Tambaboy Mon 01-Sep-14 09:50:28

Oh dear, it should say britney92 not 72!

Jasonandyawegunorts Mon 01-Sep-14 10:03:15

Has anyone suggested him using a communication board while they are learning Sign?

britney92 Mon 01-Sep-14 10:17:24

I've not really had any help and certainly nobody has spoken to the school. The health visitors kept dismissing my concerns when I first suggested he may need help when he was around 18 months. My other two were chatter boxes at that age. It became upsetting once his peers at playgroups were far more advanced even the ones younger than him. His behaviour was out of control as he couldn't make his needs known and eventually they sent him for a hearing test and assed him for learning problems but everything was clear so now he just has speech therapy but we only got two blocks of six. It's all very frustrating

Tambaboy Mon 01-Sep-14 10:54:51

I know how you feel, Britney.
Is your DS due another block of SALT sessions? Is private SALT an option until then?
When DS started nursery I spoke to the manager and his key worker to explain DS' issues. His key worker had a dc with speech delay so she was very understanding and great with him.

There is an ongoing thread on another board about speech and language delay, you might want to have a look and post there as well?

Icimoi Mon 01-Sep-14 11:24:50

It could be worth asking for a full Education, Health and Care Needs Assessment as speech is so central to education.

PolterGoose Mon 01-Sep-14 17:33:14

I really wouldn't worry about toilet training, it's just an added stress. Concentrate on settling into pre-school and communication, toiletting can wait smile

salondon Tue 02-Sep-14 05:20:08

My experience of when my daughter was that age (she is almost 5 now), was that they treated her like a baby. So the key worker would really make an effort to ensure my child was safe, dry, fed etc. They didn't bother with teaching her much but they did try to ensure she was 'well'

Type up or video his key signs, where he is with toileting and also ask for an assessment. I don't know properly how this new system works. I am sure parents here will guide you on that.

Also you could offer a few sessions where you shadow him if that is possible?

madwomanbackintheattic Wed 03-Sep-14 17:00:36

As he has outside therapy, you should discuss with the senco getting the SLT in to speak to his key worker. Some areas have a different SLT team for in schools.

Our SLT arranged for key worker and nursery staff to attend makaton training, but in the interim, you should just make sure that the staff know the signs he uses frequently, and that they routinely use them with him.

Dd2 started school with no intelligible speech, and it was just fine. It's just organization, and making sure that the staff are aware of his communication needs. Does he carry an 'all about me' book with frequently used pictures so that it can be a basis for discussion with staff? They are easy enough to make.

Discuss with the senco what the assessment process is in your area for preschool kids.

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