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DS2 possibly hurting sn DS3

(3 Posts)
imawigglyworm Tue 19-Aug-14 22:26:06

was sure where to put this but here goes and sorry if its long...

I feel really bad for saying this but I think DS2 has been purposely hurting DS3.
A bit of background; Ds2 is 7 with mild/moderate ADHD, SPD and is currently very emotionally wobbly (cant think of how to describe it, he's a lovely funny little boy but recently he's been having outbursts where he will be shouting and screaming in my face and crying if he has done something wrong AND even at times when he hasn't) He struggles with emotions at times.
DS3 is 5 has a rare genetic disorder, GDD (at about 2yrs old), non verbal, limited signing and SPD.

Anyway, today my sensible DS1 was at a friends house to play, he would usually watch DS3 while I do a couple of chores, run to loo etc but I asked DS2 to instead within minutes of me leaving the room DS3 was in tears I come running back in asked what had happened and got a 'nothing' reply from DS2 no marks on DS3 so thought maybe he was just being a bit clingy. Next time it happened again this time DS3 was holding his head but no marks again nothing had apparently happened (but I wasn't overly convinced).
DS3 can be a bit clumsy at times.

Later in the evening DS1 was home, I nipped into kitchen to eat a sandwich in peace & DS1 nipped off to toilet leaving DS2 watching DS3. From the kitchen I heard screaming and DS3 crying again I ran in DS1 got there a few seconds before me, I asked what happened, DS2 at first said nothing (I wasn't convinced so pushed for an answer), then he said DS3 fell off the sofa, then changed it to he carried DS3 off of the sofa BUT Ds1 said he saw him pinning DS3 to the floor in a wrestler type hold, body on body, if that makes sense. He got up just as I got to the room so I didn't see.
DS3 wouldn't be able to tell me if he hurt himself or had an accident either.

I hate myself for thinking this but When I thought about it I thought maybe he is hurting DS3 on purpose/intentionally? He has pushed him over/hit him before but I put it down to usual brother roughness. But maybe it isn't.

I spoke to him when I tucked him in for bed and asked him IF he had hurt his brother and he just laid there smiling at me sad

Do you think i'm being OTT about this?

DH said we will chat to him tomorrow when he's home from work but I feel so bad for even thinking the worst of him.

Any advice is appreciated x

ouryve Tue 19-Aug-14 22:49:20

The upshot of this is that you can't leave them alone together. I know that's bloody hard, as that's usually the case with my two, unless I know for sure that they're both occupied and unlikely to break away from what they're doing. DS1 has got a bit better, now he's older, but I still often get washed or use the loo with DS2 in the bathroom with me (DS1, 10, has ASD/ADHD with PDA features, DS2 has ASD with LD and his spoken language is only just beginning to emerge, now, at 8). Alternatively, I'll have DS1 in the kitchen with me, even if he's bouncy and under my feet (DS2 obsessively opens and closes the fridge and freezer and stuff his face with all the carbs he can find, so that doesn't work with him). I made an exception to that, last week, when DS1 had an extremely violent meltdown and the freezer contents and DS2's carb intake were the last of my worries.

I have a suspicion that your DS2 wouldn't confess outright if you confronted him directly and he could possibly punish DS3 for it. A dinner table conversation with your DH about being worried about DS3 because he seems so sad and upset a lot of the time might yield more clues. You can draw your other boys in as a shared concern.

imawigglyworm Tue 19-Aug-14 23:12:07

That sounds like a good idea ouryve
DS2 has been telling a lot of lies lately so I agree he probably wont be honest with us.

He is quite a boisterous (big built) boy anyway but we've made it clear that he needs to more careful around his little brother as he is clumsy at the best of times, but he's is still quite rough with him. DS3 doesn't really play, play fight or anything like that so we don't really see it as an excuse, but he can be hard work at times -not that i'm saying its right for him to be rough for that reason!

I thought maybe he has been playing up as he is going into juniors in September but I spoke to him about it and he's excited not worried at all.
I'm wondering if it could either be part of his ADHD or underlying other problems (he has other issues that professionals wont deal with too) OR if he resents his brother....

But I definitely wont be leaving them alone together again as hard as it may be.

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