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My Son, please advise(4 Posts)
Hope this is the place to post this rather than behaviour and development. I am worried about my son and wondering whether he has some kind of AS or something else, eg he could just be emotionally immature.
I will try to list the examples of what concern me, it has come to the forefront (again) with me seeing him interact with other children over the holidays.
He will be 7 in a few weeks, starting Y2 at school where he behaves well and is on the G&T list for reading, his maths is also exceptional but his writing is v poor, now at age related expectations after a lot of focus. He has poor fine motor skills (as did his sister) and goes to a workshop at school to develop his gross motor skills to help. he doesn't throw, catch, kick balls well and regularly trips over nothing, cannot hit with a racquet but can ride a bike.
I will start by saying he is an incredibly lovely and loving boy, very cheerful and greets every day and every challenge with limitless good humour and enthusiasm. He loves to make people laugh and to play tricks and jokes eg shouting boo to startle, he did this everyday to people we walked to school with even though it made one of them cry.
He is very eloquent but often talks nonstop and some of it can be utter gibberish or madeup phrases and songs which he will then repeat until everyone is driven mad by them.
He cannot seem to control his physical impulse, in the pool on holiday all you would ever hear was "get off me XX" he wants to handle, maul, touch everybody. This has been going on since nursery and despite infinite explanations of keeping hands to yourself he still seems always to be in physical contact and getting pushed off.
He uses inappropriate toilet humour to mess around (I think is is probably normal 6 yr old but god it's tedious)
Last week on hols some kids and he were in our apartment playing Minecraft, he went around kissing people, dropped his shorts to show his bum and will also regularly lick people to get a reaction.
Much of what he does seems attention seeking but I notice that when children are playing with him they can end up being cruel because he will do or say anything to get that attention.
He really struggles to make friends because of the way he behaves so on hols, we would hear "I'm bored" and "no one will play with me" which was true because he doesn't seem able to play the way they were. There were a few boys his age all very friendly, playing jumping in, or water polo or just messing about in the pool together but as soon as he tried to join in he would grab and pull at them and of course they didn't like it, I ended up having to patrol him.
He was a very difficult toddler because of this behaviour, he is very tall for his age and physically overwhelms people very easily especially when they were all younger.
He has always been hell when bored but finds it very difficult to entertain himself without a screen, loves Minecraft which is one of the few areas he gets on with his peers as he is good at it, and enjoys telly and reading but doesn't play with toys such as lego, hot wheels, playmobil, marble runs, etc
He loves board games and will play "solo monopoly"
Does any of this ring any alarm bells to anyone? Do I need to seek advice or do anything or than to wait for him to grow up and mature?
I sometimes think that he is incredibly intelligent and his mind needs occupying the entire time but I don't think its ADHD as he is well behaved and calm at school and capable of long periods of concentration. We have always said he's like a big boisterous puppy but I'm wondering how long this will hold for. He does get plenty of exercise and fresh air.
Sorry this is so long, I really would appreciate any advice at all. I do explain how he should behave and stay calm mostly as I end up feeling sorry for him but the only thing that works for us to get him to stop doing something we've repeatedly asked him not to is to threaten to stop something he wants (often ipad or sweet treat) which I alway follow up on.
Have you heard of Sensory Processing Disorder? There's a lot of things in what you describe that sound very sensory seeking to me. If you have a look down the list of threads on this board you'll see a SPD support thread, lots of links and chat that you might find interesting.
SPD is often present with ASD and ADHD but can be standalone too. That's certainly what stands out for me. You'd need a sensory trained OT to assess and plan interventions. Not all areas offer this though.
Sorry I missed this but if you are still here your son sounds identical to mine at that age. He struggled with all the skills and situations you list and had a very similar list of strengths. He had some early intervention with medical professionals but i quickly got frustrated at the time it all took for the tiny gains and no real answer! So instead I made a list of all sorts of things I thought he might benefit from and concentrated on providing opportunities at home or in other places to do those. He is now a teenager and life is not always plane sailing but he is my most cheerful and determined child and he continues to astound those who really 'get' him with his abilities. He still needs to be reminded that some of his behaviours are irritating but I think there may be less of them now. Do PM me if you would like to talk.
Thanks sitoff I will pm you just as soon as I work out how!
I've read quite widely now on spd and think it is him I just need to decide now what to do with that information.
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