I keep asking this but what DO you do when your child kicks off in the street and you can't actually physically move them

[Jimjams2]

Happened today. DS1 wanted to shut someone's front door I wouldn't let him. He was trying to go one way, I was trying to stop him- tried to move him back home but he just kept dropping to the floor and trying to crawl underneath me or run aorund me.

Eventually got him to move in the direction I wanted by saying I would carry him, but that's not going to be an option for much longer, he's going to be as tall as me soon.

He's generally all over the place in the street anyway (likes keyholes, wants to look through them).

But what do you do? Do people use major buggies or something? I don't think he'd stay in one anyway.

[SherlockLGJ]

Oh God JJ no idea, but did not want this to go unread.

[sorrell]

Would anything be a really strong bribe, like chocolate or anything? What a PIA

[tobysmumkent]

Message withdrawn

[suedenley]

Hi jimjams
If DS is doing something dangerous to himself or others i have to restrain him til he is calm ,then as hes calming down i give him a back rub and usually it ends in a cuddle, more me than him cuddling, but if he isnt protesting the battle is usually over. When hes doing something which isnt dangerous like stitting on the floor refusing to move then i too sit down a little away from him we sit in silence for a while then i will test the waters with a question about his favourite subject (cars) he will ignore me and we will carry on in this vain me being really calm until he answers the question i ask more til were having a convo about fav subject next thing hes forgotten all about what set him off and we go home or where ever we were going. Sometimes it can take a long time but we get there in the end and i dont get embarrassed anymore its just part of how DS is and if onlookers dont like it thats there prob good luck

[Jimjams2]

He can't talk, so talking to him doesn't really calm him down . I also can't let go of him outside so I'm on top of him iyswim, and can't give him space (at home I would walk away).

When he goes into one like this it's usually over a compulsion (the door shutting is more OCD than autism) so he's very very determined. Yesterday I ended up trying to brace him (but really couldn't) and then tried to push him down the road back home, but again couldn't.

If I'd let him shut the dooor he would have turned around and walked back calmly. But then everytime we went out he would want to open and shut someone else's front door, and he can't so I couldn't let him.

It happened a couple of days ago as well. What on earth do people do when their children become too big to handle? Most of the time he''s fine it's just his bloody OCD that makes walking doown the street so hard.

[suedenley]

sorry jimjams the things i do arent really much help to ,you are they ,so dont know what else to suggest ,but no doubt someone will be along soon who can help good luck .

[Jimjams2]

I kind of use a bit of your technique. So yesterday I was repeatedly counting down 10, 9 8 etc then saying "inside, where are we going?" repeatedly to try and get him to process where we should be heading....

Have you come across Florica Stone? She describes something similar to you in her book (sitting down to talk quietly) but ds1 just legs it off to try and fulfil his compuslsion.

He's fine as long as the OCD doesn't kick in- but that of course is very unpredictible.

[Jimjams2]

Yes I wondered whether that becomes the answer....... The problem is I don't think it would work - last time I tried to put him in a pushchair (he was 4 I think, maybe 5) He stood up and tried to walk off with it still tied around him (and he was in a double with a young ds2 )

[suedenley]

No not come across Florica stone but will google her in a mo. hope you get some good advice as its sounds such a struugle for you Jimjams sending hugs

[sorrell]

Is there ANYTHING that would act as a bribe/distraction? Anything he is obsessed with you could pull out and show him to break the mood? Or sweets? It sounds just like normal toddler behaviour only of course, a million times harder because he's big.

[springgreens]

Is there any way of fulfilling the OCD need to look through the keyholes? A book with Keyholes to peer through...sorry that probably isn't going to cut it? Could you gradually introduce the chair pairing it with an activity he can do sitting and likes? Know how hard it is when your child is seemingly not motivated by anything that is appropriate in this kind of situation.
Sorrynot much help. We use a major buggy as ds (a whopper) is only 3 but he tends to be pretty good at just sitting. Will keep thinking on it

[Jimjams2]

NOthing stronger than a compulsion to shut a door this week (next week it will be something else that sets him off). Although he did agree to be carried, and i suspect I'll be dragged to the same spot today and asked to carry him again. grrr It's not really normal toddler stuff because its being ocd driven. DS3 is very strong willed (20 months) - I'd describe him as "difficult"- and will throw huge wobblies but most of the time can be distracted quite quickly. These OCD compulsions are a matter of life and death to ds1 (and of course the more he indulges the more he needs to go back and do it again). A refusal to allow him to go through the obsession (or a real limiting of it) does tend to get rid of it quite quickly, but physically it's hopeless outside.

[Jimjams2]

He was sat on his windowsill making his own keyholes with his hands yesterday He's all over the place when he's outside though. I need an autism dog!

[coppertop]

I remember the autism dog link you posted a while ago. Is it a feasible option for you at some point in the future?

[springgreens]

Wow, what's an Autism Dog?

[Jimjams2]

autism dogs . Not in the UK yet, although dogs for the disabled are running a pilot project sometime soon in the Oxfordshire area. Wannabe has been asking lots of people questions for me She's a star.

[Pixel]

My ds is like a toddler in many ways, the sudden running off, veering into the road with no warning, stopping to investigate interesting things on the pavement... but as you say he is a lot bigger and stronger. The worse thing is when he sits or lies down and refuses to move.Up until this summer I've been able to carry him a short distance but I just can't do it now. The best I can manage is to grab him under the arms (from behind) and sort of bounce him along. Needless to say my back is not too good!(when he does move it's likely to be in the wrong direction). The compulsion thing comes into it as well. Recently it took me over an hour to get him home when it would have taken me 5 mins by myself because he wanted to pick bits of gravel off the pavement and throw them in the gutter. It was really awful and I honestly think that if any passer-by had commented they would have found themselves looking after him because I had just had enough!

Anyway, this is why we do use the major buggy for most journeys. Ds doesn't really mind because his buggy has always been his 'safe' space although we have to use a 'snugsit' because he gets bored in shops and escapes. We practice his walking whenever there is an opportunity and he is improving a lot(ie walks longer distances, sits for shorter times). We can now walk to the local shop and back as long as we have plenty of time or he likes posting letters so we always do that without taking the buggy. To get this far has taken a lot of patience and perseverence though and if we didn't have the buggy we would never have been able to go anywhere.

[emmalou78]

Jimjams

we have a major for ds2, its the only way we can get to busy places and preschool [he's gone off it, even though hes 'fine' whilst there he's hell onlegs all the way there and back, and has develpoed a HUGE obsession about the exact routes we can take to get to and from the bloody place.] We've been working on him walking since forever, its hit and miss... we have to use a rein, just a wrist one.. I know your ds1 is older but would he tolerate one it would give him a few inches of freedom and you'd still be able to police him...

just a thought.

I want an autism dog...

[springgreens]

I have recently adopted a retired greyhound, Garvey. He's wonderfully loyal and quiet with ds who before just ignored animals. Greyhounds are brilliant if people are considering a dog

[Jimjams2]

how old are your ds' pixel and emmalou- I bounce him along with my arms hooked under his as well pixel I can still just about manage it (although I have to kind of kick his legs forward now) but only for a few steps and if that doesn't get him moving under his own steam we're stuffed.

I have a crelling waist harness thing, it's good, I always use it if I have ds2 or ds3 with me as well, but he often ends up trying to go in one way with me tugging on the other end - and I worry about him bruising round his waist etc.

Have you always used buggys? DS1 hasn't sat in one for years and I'm not sure he''d go back to it. Having said that he does climb into ds3's if I leave it up at home, and I wondered whether going out with one would give him a safe place to retreat to, meaning that maybe we could try going for a meal or something (ho ho ho- maybe not!)

[sphil]

Sg - I'm very interested in your greyhound story. If we move we want to get a dog and I'm v keen on a greyhound - short hair and no need for marathon walks . DH, however, wants a Labrador and has managed to persuade DS1 that this is the only dog worth getting. If a lovely quiet greyhound could persuade DS2 to take notice of animals DH might change his mind! Does your DS pay him a lot of attention?

[giddy1]

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