I think I've broken DD1...not sure what to do.

[lougle]

DD1 has respite through KIDS. She loves it - adores it in fact. Last week she was due to go to Paultons Park, but rather than going on the minibus, they asked us to drop the children there. It seemed really unfair on DD2/3 that DD1 has been to Paultons at least 5 times and they've only been once (when DD3 was around 8 months old). So we asked DD1 if she would mind if we took the girls in with us, while she went around with her KIDS club.

(We wouldn't go as a whole family to Paultons yet because they are all so young - under 8's must be accompanied on rides, and because DD1 has SN/Disability, she can't go on rides unaccompanied either, so we'd have to queue three times for each ride because none of them are old enough to ride alone and none of them are old enough to wait by the ride exit alone)

Anyway, DD1 said this was ok with her. So we went. DD1 bumped into us at the Cobra ride, and DH offered to go on with her (there was no queue, as it happened - torrential rain) because the two carers had 3 children who wanted to go on with the same problem above. All fine. Then we bumped into her when we were waiting for the 4D cinema. She dissolved. Couldn't cope at all. Wanted to be with us. So we sat with them for the cinema, and then convinced DD1 that she had fun things to do. She relented and went with her carers. She was happy to see us at the end of the day and said she'd been sad, but otherwise fine.

Tomorrow she's due to go swimming, then to a puppet theatre showing. She adores swimming and loves the discovery centre. The next day she's due to go to the zoo - again, one of her favourite places. She's refusing to go to either . She says 'Last Monday we went to Paultons and I was very sad. One Monday is enough.' I've had to let her KIDS leader know that she's refusing to come.

[lougle]

Yes... It's our 'respite' (except that 6 hours turns into 4 because of travel). She so loves it normally. I think she's suddenly realised that while she's there, we're somewhere else, doing something else. I don't think it's ever occurred to her before.

[lougle]

You're right, I guess. I just feel like I've stolen her fun.

[minionmadness]

I agree that it may be time to re-evaluate how you use the service.

We decided to stop dts1's outings with "short breaks", for similar reasons. Yes it gave me some much needed respite but on one occasion when I took dts2 out at the same time we bumped into them and it actually made me feel quite crap about myself and very sad. Not logical at all I know... since the whole point of the short breaks is to give me some respite, but there you go, you can't help how you feel.

We now use the hours to send him to a local holiday club (they can give dts1 1-2-1), that his twin brother can attend with him. This has proved to be a winner for all of us. Yes I have pay for dts2 to attend but the benefits for dts1 far outweigh this.

[lougle]

KIDS has never really been about 'respite' for us, tbh. It's always been about letting DD1 have some time with people who help her make the most of life, with the friends she has at school.

Originally, it was 10-1, which was ridiculous, because we had to leave at 9.30 to get her to KIDS, didn't get back until 10.30, then had to leave again at 12.30 to pick her up.

So they reduced the number of sessions they did and made them 9.30-1.30.

In the holidays, she gets 3 days in a 2 week break and about 5 days in the 6-week holiday. She normally talks about nothing else.

Last year we used our Gateway card (it's a card that shows that you meet shortbreaks criteria and has an ID number on it, so you don't have to fill out loads of forms) to secure 1:1 funding for DD1 to be able to attend a week-long Gymnastics holiday club with DD2 & 3.

I get 4 hours per week support from an agency. 2 hours is used to accompany all 3 girls and I to the local swimming pool for their weekly swimming lesson (the swimming club itself funds the 1:1 for DD1 - I offered to use the Gateway card but they said it was their way of 'giving back').

The other 2 hours was a general 'time with all 3 girls' support, but has now changed because DD1 desperately wants to do gymnastics, and it just so happens that our new support worker for a Tuesday is an ex-elite gymnast and current gymnastics coach, and there is a class on a Tuesday evening for DD1's age. So she's arranged that she'll pick DD1 up on a Tuesday and drive her to the club, then she'll be her 1:1 gymnastics coach, then she'll drive her home.

The club have been really kind and have taken DD2 off the waiting list (I'm not sure if she was ever really on -they said they would but then we heard nothing) and put her in DD3's Saturday class, because they said they couldn't leave just one sister out.

I don't want to sound defensive, but I just thought I'd clarify in case it seemed as if we were taking 'respite' over DD1's wishes/needs. Up until this moment, she has honestly been supremely happy and excited to go to KIDS, and absolutely put out if it isn't 'her turn'.

[lougle]

She's only Speen about it to confirm that she made absolutely the right decision and she has no intention of going to the zoo tomorrow!

She's had a lovely day -we've been putting a vegetable patch in at the top of the garden with help from my Mum and Dad. She loves gardening and adores my mum and dad.

DD2 has gone for her treasured sleepover with her cousin, so DD1 and DD3 had time together (strange dynamic -DD3 adjusts her maturity to suit which sibling she's with, so it's lovely when she's with one or the other, but all three together can be tricky).
Mum and Dad have been very kind and have taken DD1 & 3 for a sleepover, so we have a rare night off! Which is lovely after last night. DD1 had anightmare at around 11pm. We went to bed at midnight. I was coughing badly and couldn't settle, had a scary hallucination, then DD3 came through having had a nightmare that someone would kill her....

[lougle]

It was strange. For sure DH said I was very hot, so perhaps it was a combination of that and my nortryptiline.

[lougle]

Thank you zzzzz, I will. I'm watching The Crimson Field with DH.

[lougle]

DD2 wouldn't settle the night before last, so I ended up watching back to back 'how is it made'with her on YouTube. Quite interesting, really. We learned about marbles, square watermelons, jeans manufacturing, frozen soft fruit production, pringles manufacturing, doughnuts, bottle production and plastic bag production. We also learned how to turn a cucumber into a snake. All really interesting in the day time.

[OneStepForwardTwoBack]

Hiya, this touched a bit of a nerve with me as I used my son's playscheme at his special school for the first time last week. I'm hoping to use it in the summer, so wanted to try it out and it was fab. You mustn't think anyone is thinking you are getting respite over her needs. I have always struggled with the idea of respite, but his time at his scheme was fab and he has asked to go again. I felt a bit sad one day dropping him off and asked my other son if it felt strange for him and he told me very honestly that he found it very relaxing to have a few hours without him (he is fab with him). So my mind is made up to use it again and I'm looking at the summer hols and working out what days to use it that will benefit him and meet the needs of the family as a whole. Tbh in this situation, I am never going to be 100% happy whatever I do. What I really want to do is get up and spontaneously say, come on lads we are going to x,y,z but life just isn't like that for us. The time spent with respite is minimal compared to family time as a whole, if it helps to keep everyone sane and happy then so much the better. Hope you enjoy the rest of your break :-) I've got both of mine home all week this week, but I don't feel like I am sinking.