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Monologues, ASD and only child

(12 Posts)
cardboardcactus Mon 13-Jan-14 23:52:52

Feel kind of frustrated. Was at a workshop about ASD this evening and mentioned that my son's (9yo, AS) monologues about his special interests were a particular issue for us at the moment as they prevented 'normal' conversation. The fact that he is an only child was raised and focused on by the convenor and this seemed to be implicated in relation to his monologuing. I feel that people make really unfair comments about only children and I'm sure these monologues are common to many children on the spectrum. Surely 'only children' are not the only kids with ASD who monologue about their interests??!

zzzzz Tue 14-Jan-14 00:03:57

I agree. Talking about your special interest regardless of your audiences interest is a red flag for AS, as far as I know the number of siblings you have is irrelevant.

If it's any conciliation there is often the faintest whiff of "if you had less children he would get more attention and help overcoming his issues" when we are out and about.

PolterGoose Tue 14-Jan-14 06:35:22

Agree with zzzzz you'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't. Professionals often seem to like to find a way to blame parents, not always consciously, but there's always something.

My ds is an only child with AS too, it has advantages and disadvantages, but it is what it is, nobody else's business IMHO, and I cannot see how it makes any difference to the monologing, the whole point is that the child does it without regard for 'audience'. Even PolterCat gets his share smile

Ineedmorepatience Tue 14-Jan-14 08:14:05

Dd3 is the youngest of 3 girls.

It is her autism that makes her monologue not having or not having siblings.

Just for the record Dd3 will monologue to herself if no one is listening.

School have just decided its a problem too after 6 years!!

It is nothing to do with your parenting smile

SilverApples Tue 14-Jan-14 08:33:27

<sigh>
Yes, DS monologues
Yes, DD monologues
Yes, OH monologues
I felt like introducing a conch shell into our lives, like Lord of the Flies, so that only the one with the shell could talk. They have all improved with reading social cues over the years, but I still have a 'Stop' signal!
It's not your parenting, or him being an only. Truly it isn't.

autumnsmum Tue 14-Jan-14 08:45:42

Cardboard my ds is one of three children and we are all treated to his monologues

wibbleweed Tue 14-Jan-14 09:23:18

DS1 & 2 both have AS and both monologue...

If there's only one of them around they'll still monologue...

I'm sure if there were 10 of them they'd still monologue...

xx

cardboardcactus Tue 14-Jan-14 09:47:29

Thanks all, it's really nice to get this feedback. I was probably being a bit sensitive last night but I did come away feeling miffed. I came away thinking there was a sense that if you have asd, then being an only child was an additional disadvantage. 'Tougher for them' etc etc as they don't have sibs to practice turn taking, social skills and so on with at home. Interesting to hear from zzzz that it can work the other way too. As Polter says damned if you do damned if you don't...grin

cardboardcactus Tue 14-Jan-14 09:59:50

My last post was clumsily worded. When I said 'additional disadvantage' it's sounds wrong, like having asd is a 'disadvantage'. I meant more that I felt that impression was given that being an only child compounded some of the challenges faced.

autumnsmum Tue 14-Jan-14 10:01:26

My ds monologues to dd1 are interrupted by shut up from her the level of conversation in my house would put Oscar Wilde to shame not!

coppertop Tue 14-Jan-14 10:15:47

I have 4 children.

One of mine with ASD could monologue for Britain. The only way to get him to stop is to tell him that you need to put him "on pause" for a minute.

The other one only speaks when prodded. Not because he can't or won't. He just gets caught up in playing Minecraft whatever it is that he's doing.

Teawaster Tue 14-Jan-14 10:43:34

I have 2 boys . DS2 with AS can monologue when it suits him and when he has a captive audience. However he is always concerned about boring his audience. DS1 on the other hand, NT , could go on and on about football for ever and always has done so about his particular interest at the time and he couldn't give a monkeys about boring us all. The difference I guess is that DS2 wouldn't do it to his peers if they weren't interested because they would not tolerate it but he would go on and on with adults if they said they were interested , despite obviously not being. DS1 would probably only bore his family and would be more clued into the appropriate social behaviour outside of it

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