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feel sad today [sad]

10 replies

redbull · 08/07/2006 19:03

last night my mom and dad went to my brothers friends wedding reception and to day all i have heard about is my brothers friends little girls

she is 3 and all i got was oh she does this she does that she was dancing she was playing with the other kids she is so beautifull she wore a special little dress and posed for a photo for us with her mommy (ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

dont get me wrong my mom and dad are fab with ds they are a tower of strenth but my mom knows how much it hurts me to hear this things but she carrys on any way shes told me to stop being so silly what am i going to do avoid every child that isnt ASD.

It just upsets me as me and dp arent married but engaged and we have decided that when we do marry we wont have a reception as it will freack ds out to much, so to hear that other people can do these"normal" things iots like a knife in the heart

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Twiglett · 08/07/2006 19:04

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redbull · 08/07/2006 19:05

and the main reason is thats its a reminder of how different ds is to NT kids

But i wouldnt change him for the world [love emotion]

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redbull · 08/07/2006 19:08

and after what a fab report he had on thursday it just feels such a slap in the face

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moondog · 08/07/2006 19:08

You're allowed to feel sad RB.
Be glad for her too and remember that we are all great at some things and not so great at others.

I know it's hard.
You sound like a wonderful mother.

XXXXX

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moondog · 08/07/2006 19:09

it doesn't detract from the fab report.
Not a bit of it!!!!!!!

Baby Redbull is/was the toast of MN!

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CristinaTheAstonishing · 08/07/2006 19:14

Redbull, it's hard and people say things not realising how hurtful they are. There were times when I felt exactly the same about my ds (not ASD) but I know - rationally - that people don't make comments like that to be nasty, it's just not "a big deal" for others, even if it seems like our whole life for us. Now ds is older (6.5) it doesn't hurt as much anymore or I don't take any such comment as a veiled attempt to hurt me. Hugs.

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Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 08/07/2006 19:53

You can be happy for one child, and sad for yours; it's allowed!

I like hearing about my friend's son, but it's always tinged with sadness as they're almost exactly the same age, and for the first 2 - almost 3 years saw each other almost every day and we assumed they were heading in the same direction. We then moved, last time we saw them her ds tried really hard with ds1 who completely blanked him. Her ds was surfing (have some great photos) whilst ds1 was being odd and refusing to stay with the rest of us, was dragging dh off on a manic walk. I feel happy for my friend's son, but sad for ds1. Although like you said- still love him, and who he is and am still proud of him. As someone said on here recently- it would be easy if you didn't love them.....

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Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads · 08/07/2006 19:55

oh and bet you still have a lovely wedding. Our xmases are nothing like I imagined, but apart from one blip (2004- dreadful) have been lovely in their own way.

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Pages · 08/07/2006 20:17

Redbull, know exactly how you feel and have just finished posting on another thread ("In an ideal world everyone would have a child with SN") to say that my mum has made similar comments to me. It is probably, with my mum, a defensive thing because she has been insensitive. My mum is the queen of defensive. Don't know your mum but I think the upshot is that unless they too have a child with SN no-one has the right to tell you what you should think or feel (and even then, maybe not!)

I think you just go through it, feel better, go through it again, feel better again, like Jimjams said, there is a pattern.

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redbull · 09/07/2006 10:01

thanks everyone for your comments its comforting to know that you all know and understand where im coming from.

you are right jimjams when we do get married our wedding will be even more special as it will be a personal wedding no auntys and uncles you havent seen for 15 years!!
it will be a lot more personal as everything will be done to make sure ds is happy.
Just like we said ds will be coming on the honey moon with us we didnt even have to think about it and we will go somewhere that ds will like, so we can do things during the day with him NOT lounging around a swimming pool all day while ds is back home with my mom and dad