Our SN area is not a substitute for expert advice. While many Mumsnetters have a specialist knowledge of special needs, if they post here they are posting as members, not experts. There are, however, lots of organisations that can help - some suggestions are listed here. If you've come across an organisation that you've found helpful, please tell us. Go to Special needs chat, Parents with disabilities, SN teens, SN legal, SN education, SN recommendations.

Ds left behind at school until after 6pm

(20 Posts)
claw2 Wed 06-Nov-13 08:54:55

I have posted before about unsuccessful attempts to get ds to attend after school activity club once a week.

At the last meeting a few weeks before half term, it was agreed that ds wouldn't attend until school came up with a more carefully planned approach. A written plan, which would be shown to ds and I at the start of this term so he would know what to expect and I could prepare him etc.

Yesterday at 5.20 I get a call from school, while I am sat here waiting for ds to be dropped off via school transport to say no one has picked him up. I arrived to pick him up at 6.15pm.

Apparently ds tells me he decided to go to after school club and he informed the taxi escort of this, so she left him there.

I am in the process of emailing school and don't even know where to start?

most lea don't do transport for after school activities, most won't even drop off or pick a child up at a different address to home address.

claw2 Wed 06-Nov-13 15:02:30

Thanks im aware that I would have pick up if ds was doing an after school activity. I just wasn't aware that ds would be doing an after school activity or that I should be picking him up!

I had agreed with school that ds would NOT be doing the after school activity, until a written plan was in place.

TOWIELA Wed 06-Nov-13 15:24:34

You are right to be annoyed. A teacher/TA/grownup should be supervising the taxis & escorts so that this type of thing doesn't happen. They should never have let a child go independently to a taxi and dismiss it. And the escort should have double checked with the school to ensure that what your DS said was correct.

I'd be fuming! Both the school and escort are at fault for allowing this to happen.

magso Wed 06-Nov-13 23:20:56

In ds school parents have to sign a form to allow their children to stay at an after school activity, and to accept responsibilty for collection. The teacher checking the buses and taxis before they leave has a list to check against. It has not always been this well organised,but we had a couple of very frightening episodes of loosing ds, on the wrong buses etc, and now it is much safer.

claw2 Thu 07-Nov-13 10:20:18

Nail on the head Towiela, im annoyed that ds wasn't supposed to be going to after school club, I had agreed with school he wouldn't.

Its great that ds decided to go, after previous failed attempts. Both ds's TA and class teacher were at the meeting a few weeks ago where everyone agreed that ds wouldn't go until a written plan was put into place. However no one thought to tell me about the change of plan, even though the TA went to after school with ds!

To school it appears to be no big deal, he was safe and attended after school club and only cried once apparently. However it resulted in anxiety at home, poo smearing his bedroom walls and not wanting to go to school next day and comments about 'hating school'.

starfishmummy Thu 07-Nov-13 11:02:20

Blooming eck.Forget the email and phone them. Stay calm and state the facts (ds was supposed to be coming home on transport yet he had managed to dismiss it) and use lots of the buzz phrases that the school and transport providers have failed in their duty of care and what are they going to do to ensure that it doesn't happen again

coppertop Thu 07-Nov-13 11:09:52

Cancelling transport here involves contacting the LEA's transport team. A child or escort would not have that power. The transport team should be reminding the escort of this.

claw2 Thu 07-Nov-13 11:15:57

Starfish, I emailed them yesterday. Just basically stating there was a mix up about ds getting home from school. Stating what was agreed at last meeting. That it appears that ds just decided he would attend, which resulted in taxi not picking up and being unaware of the change of plan and not picking him up.

I stated that I was pleased that ds did manage to attend.
However could I be informed of any changes of plan in future to avoid confusion.

I also stated that ds tells me he no longer has PE on Tuesday and Thursday, but on Mon and Weds and could they confirm that this is correct, so I know when to send PE kit and which kit to send (another change of plan, I wasn't told about)

They replied just saying yes PE has changed to Mon and Weds!

Previously after school club has been cancelled without anyone telling me or ds has refused to attend and they have just left him sitting in the office for an hour and half!

TOWIELA Thu 07-Nov-13 11:25:35

Whilst it's fantastic that he wanted to go, I think they are ever-so-slightly missing the point here. An unaccompanied young child (with SEN - which makes it much worse!) dismissed a taxi - and no-one seems to be taking responsibility for that.

claw2 Thu 07-Nov-13 11:45:37

Well Towiela I still have no written plan. Previously when ds has attempted to access after school club, he has refused to join in and just sat there crying, until he was removed. He was taken to the reception and left sat there for hour and half until I picked him up.

Next time it was cancelled, again leaving ds sat in the office for an hour and half.

Next time, I turned up after school to make sure it wasn't cancelled or that ds wasn't refusing to go/join in. Ds was in tears and refusing to go, so I took him home.

I then told school to leave after school club until a more carefully planned approach could be taken. At the meeting it was agreed no more after school club, until I received a written plan. I could then share the plan with ds so he knows exactly what to expect and I was also hoping for a exit plan instead of having to sit crying until removed.

Its great that he attended and only cried once and joined in a bit more. But what happens next week or the week after or the week after IF he refuses or gets distressed etc.

TOWIELA Thu 07-Nov-13 11:55:15

But you do have a plan - no after-school club until there is a carefully planned approach.

So the fact that DS choose to go to club this is irrelevant. The escort should have checked with the school first before leaving, the school cuold then have confirmed with the escort no after-school club - or even phoned you if DS was insistent he wanted to go. But it wouldn't have happened if the school had escorted him to the taxi.

So the escort and the school have failed here. I'm sorry but I would be furious.

Maybe your plan for going forward is that DS can choose if he wants to go to club on the actual day/afternoon and tell his TA. Then the school confirms that with you via phone asap; then the school dismisses the taxi?

TOWIELA Thu 07-Nov-13 12:13:24

Or the other idea would be that you all agree that you will always pick him up from school on the day of the afterschool club. Then you can gage how he is and whether or not he should go to club that particular day. If he does decide to go to club, you could find a nice cafe somewhere and go and get a cuppa while you wait. Or alternatively, if no cafe is around, then you could sit in the car and wait for him (I've studied for an OU degree sat in my car whilst waiting for various of my children to attend their after-school clubs - the joys of living in the middle of nowhere!)

claw2 Thu 07-Nov-13 12:34:41

TA knew that ds was going to after school club, he went with ds! and 'stayed for a bit' according to ds. So TA also would have known that ds dismissed the taxi. TA was also at the last meeting and knew no more after school club until written plan was in place.

I am fully expecting ds to have 'good' and 'bad' weeks at after school club. I also think if he decides he does want to take part in after school club, he has to be consistent, as he will opt out easily and avoid.

However, ds needs a plan, one of his biggest fears is not knowing what to do/expect. If TA is going to attend with him for a certain period, then let him know that is the plan and when TA will leave etc. He is highly embarrassed about crying in front of his peers. I was hoping any plan could have an exit plan written into it, something like rather than crying, its ok to sit out and join in again later, instead of crying. Tell him what to do instead of crying. Or if he gets so distressed that he has to be removed, then phone me and il come and get him, rather than leaving him with the receptionist for an hour and half.

I have offered to attend with him for the whole activity, with a gradual withdrawal process. School declined. Its an after school activity, its supposed to be fun, he is supposed to enjoy it. Another point they seem to be missing.

claw2 Thu 07-Nov-13 12:50:56

It would appear that school are viewing it as ds wanted to attend, ds did join in, ds only cried once. Ds did attend without a plan, so now a plan isn't needed.

TOWIELA Thu 07-Nov-13 12:57:13

A plan is certainly needed to pick him up afterwards, or do they think he's going to sleep overnight in the school if no-one turns up for him! <said with very heavy sarcasm>

Grrr - on your behalf!

claw2 Thu 07-Nov-13 13:10:17

Im more than happy to pick ds up, as long as I know there has been a change of plan and im supposed to be picking him up!

I am going to have to wait for after school club to fail again now before I insist on a plan. Lets just hope that next week IF ds doesn't want to go they don't put him in the taxi, while im on my way to pick him up!

I just wish school would view my input as really wanting after school to be a success for ds, rather then my asking for things which are not needed!

claw2 Thu 07-Nov-13 16:01:46

Oh CAMHS just phoned to see how ds was getting on and whether he had managed to access the after school club (there were at last meeting). Explained to them what happened, their response 'well that will be a lesson to ds that he needs to communicate'!

I give up.

TOWIELA Thu 07-Nov-13 16:08:44

Grrr!! What hope do you have when you have idiots making comments like that!

claw2 Thu 07-Nov-13 16:29:26

CAMHS really piss me off at times! Ds is feeling increasing different to his peers due to his needs not being met for years and the gap between him and his peers growing forever larger and becoming more obvious.

Their theory ds needs less support in school so he doesn't feel 'different'. He should be treated just like all the other kids.

Conclusion reached after I asked them to actually support ds, rather than just attend meetings in an 'advisory role'.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now