Our SN area is not a substitute for expert advice. While many Mumsnetters have a specialist knowledge of special needs, if they post here they are posting as members, not experts. There are, however, lots of organisations that can help - some suggestions are listed here. If you've come across an organisation that you've found helpful, please tell us. Go to Special needs chat, Parents with disabilities, SN teens, SN legal, SN education, SN recommendations.

For anyone who finds themselves always being relentlessly positive in rl - a thread to just say...

(57 Posts)
hazeyjane Thu 03-Oct-13 11:50:27

....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

yes it is great that ds's hearing loss is only mild, and yes you are right at least hearing aides these days are probably really great etc etc.

But, it is also fucking unfair.

There, that's all I wanted to say.

So if anyone wants a vent, scream or to say something that normally causes the person your talking to suddenly look embarrassed and leave the room, please feel free to say it here.

smiles and flowerss

Firsttimer7259 Thu 03-Oct-13 11:58:21

I have discovered many great people on this awful SN journey and Im thankful for it, and I try to be positive about everything and keep my head in a good space and my god I love my daughter beyond anything but:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

and again

ARGH!

OneInEight Thu 03-Oct-13 12:12:14

Please note that you also are not being empathetic when you are criticising my children for not being empathetic. They have had more to deal with in the last two years than any ten year olds should and the last thing they need is more criticism. Aaaaarrrrrggghhhhh!

NoHaudinMaWheest Thu 03-Oct-13 12:13:55

Yes it is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo unfair.

Ds is back from his first ever residential aged 17. He managed the selfcare bits (difficult because of his OCD), he enjoyed the activities.
But he only managed half the week, he is stuck in rituals again in reaction, he is an academically able 17 yr old and this is the first time he has been away without parents.
So aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

TOWIELA Thu 03-Oct-13 12:16:52

Hazeyjane - Have a caring carrot <caring carrot>

(We should ask MNHQ to do us a little picture)

"he looks normal" - why do you expect him to have two heads?

"you're dyslexic and you've done ok". Yes but that doesn't mean he should have to struggle through the exact same crap as I had to nearly 40 years ago (with a system even more unfit for purpose now then it was in my day!).

PolterGoose Thu 03-Oct-13 12:37:49

"But he's so clever" is my most hated phrase, as if that makes his life or my life easier, as if 'cleverness' is the most important measure of a happy life.

I think we are not allowed to be negative because we are always being told over and over how much worse it could be.

And we are told this, by people who are incidentally much better off than us and our children.

Bully for them!

I will not be grateful for what I've got when what I've got is shit for me, my child and my family, and whilst I have empathy for parents worse off, you can bet your bottom dollar that MY empathy is genuine and a hell of a lot more knowledgeable than YOURS!!!

By YOURS I mean the dumb professionals, not you lot, of course.

2old2beamum Thu 03-Oct-13 12:45:28

Thanks for vent flowers
May I join you please? DS "just" Downs HA HA is partially sighted severely deaf then had fucking epilepsy thrown in for good luck!!!!!!

Keep your chin up at least we have each other

Strongecoffeeismydrug Thu 03-Oct-13 12:58:26

He's fine at school so I don't know why he's giving you a hard time at home!!!!! Teachers should get ten lashes every time they use that f@@@king sentence aaaarrrrrggggg

strong that is a huge bugbear of mine atm.

"All kids are active" "it's a home problem" "he's fine here"

Yes that's why he's STILL bringing up the same things he did last year.
Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh

RippingYarns Thu 03-Oct-13 13:52:44

if i had a cow for every time some fuckwitt at school says 'but she's so happy'

i'd be trampled to death by the fuckers sad

I know she's lovely. really I do. I know she's happy and everyone loves her.

I know you've never seen the angry side of her.

But please believe me and help me.

Zipadeedoodah Thu 03-Oct-13 14:20:34

Hahabrilliant..... I always get ....but he's so loving.....or...my favourite ...he doesn't seem that bad. They obviously weren't there when he put a pole through a plasma tv

Zipadeedoodah Thu 03-Oct-13 14:22:09

Oh sorry not quite done....and older women...usually grandparent age who think they are the sen whisperer and can "fix" him...latest one was advice to give him almond milk for the brain.....seriously

PoshCat Thu 03-Oct-13 15:06:05

Hate the "but she's so happy" comments. Yes she is but she has no social awareness, can't communicate properly, has never had a friend, gets terrified and panicky over the most random things.

But hey, it's not a real disability as we're all somewhere on the spectrum, right?
Sigh.
aaaarrrrrrrgggg!!

Oh yes. We're all on the spectrum means what exactly?

Einstein didn't talk until he was 4/6/8/26?

He's just a boy.

He's only mild isn't he?

Don't be silly. He's not got autism.

He shouldn't be at a special school. (er, yeah. I just put him in there for a laff and because I am so evangelical about inclusion I like to do it in reverse)

Firsttimer7259 Thu 03-Oct-13 15:44:32

'But shes so beautiful! and looks really normal.' Do people ever think about what they are saying???

thriftychic Thu 03-Oct-13 15:58:03

strong im with you on that
may i also say aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh

TheOnlyPink Thu 03-Oct-13 15:58:18

Oh I love you all! Really been struggling today and fed up to the far side of fuck of people "meaning well" and saying it could be worse, I should be grateful that he can do x, y and z. The latest gem today was to make a game of his writing. That means fuck all when the reason why he is struggling is due to pain in joints not because he can't be arsed!

arrrgggghhhh!!!!

armani Thu 03-Oct-13 16:09:15

LA EP 'the thing to remember is your dd is a lovely little girl' when assessing dd for her statement and trying to deny her provision and disputing her diagnosis angry

FreshWest Thu 03-Oct-13 20:00:33

Can I join in the rant please? AAAARRRRGGGHHH
Thank you.
I have tried and failed for the last two weeks to get the woman from the inclusion dept to call me back. I've even emailed her. Call to her manager or head of the dept tomorrow I think. I think that the phrase "I am here to help you with the process and keep you informed at each step" in the paperwork was being used ironically obviously. hmm

I laughed so loud at the inclusion in reverse comment star that dh called from upstairs to see what was so funny.
I saw an excellent quote the other day in response to the "ooooh it could be worse" comment along the lines of - "telling someone not to be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone not to be happy because others have it better"

And "oh but she's a happy little thing". To paraphrase the penguins from Madagascar, just smile and nod, smile and nod.

hazeyjane Thu 03-Oct-13 20:01:13

Hugs everyone!

Thankyou for joining me in my vent, I am glad I am not alone.

I find the being positive thing bizarre, because sometimes you do just want to say, 'actually it is a bit shit, and I don't need to be buoyed up by you pointing out the positives and silver linings, I could just do with you giving me a hug/pat on the back/hand squeeze and saying yes it is shit.'

But I find myself going along with it and smiling and minimising any worries I have.

Struggled to be relentlessly positive this afternoon though with ds deciding to scream the place down in the library, roll on his back like a beetle rubbing his head on the carpet, and generally be a complete fucking nightmare, whilst a lady sat with her 2 year old delightfully enjoying looking at a Julia Donaldson book together...ah well!

FreshWest Thu 03-Oct-13 20:09:16

But I find myself going along with it and smiling and minimising any worries I have.
I do this all the time too. Guess because I don't want to be seen as struggling even when I am.

claw2 Thu 03-Oct-13 20:24:06

Yes ds's suicidal thoughts have stopped now, yes the self harming has improved, yes the poo smearing has improved, but ARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH he is 9 years old and shouldn't be going through this. Its so unfair.

Yes he 'copes' for a kid with ASD, anxiety, eating difficulties, toileting difficulties, sensory difficulties, hypermobility, eye disorder etc, etc but ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH its so unfair that he has to have so many difficulties.

and ARGGGGGHHHHH most of the time, despite all this, he is so well behaved, so polite, so helpful. Makes me want to kick caring carrots right in the fanny!!

However I don't, I smile and nod sweetly

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now