Please stand in the line with me! School pick-up time. Let's stand together!

[Mummyoftheyear]

I'm so used to standing outside my son's class in semi-dread (some weeks full-dread) of what the teacher is going to speak to me about. Not that it's often terrible. But that it's terribly often.
While other mummies seem to wait, chat, collect and go, I pretend to smile and try to chat with my stomach fully lodged in my mouth.

Silent prayer while standing in the line: 'Gd I hope he's been good today. If not, please gd may other mums not hear/ notice that the teacher wants another word today.'

I thought it'd be nice to 'stand together' with other mums who dread pick-up time and all its uncertainty.
To share the "s/he had a good day"s; to celebrate the incredibly fantastic days when nothing was said by the teacher at all - and not just because you've made a quick escape! And, possibly most importantly, to stand together (listen, hug, sympathise and commiserate) when our children have had a bad day - or their teachers have complained again!

How was your child's day at school today?

[okthatsweird]

Been there done that Mummy in fact I am now immune , still get the heart in mouth when the teacher makes a bee line for me but during the chat because it usually means physical aggression towards someone it doesn't upset me as much that it is done out in the open rather than privately...I imagine it is a way of the CT letting the other parents know she has dealt with something I don't know (just find myself thinking out a plan B if the day hasn't gone too well for Ds e.g the trip to the shop to get bread will have to wait til later or it will end up a bigger issue than it would of been if he had an OKish day), I no longer care what the other mothers hear or say. Chances are if their Dc know my Ds they will get a more creative version of events anyways whether the CT told me or not. I stand alone in the play ground tbh I got tired of listening to the other mothers getting all angry because of something really superficial happening to their Dc the day before and how they will reap havoc if it happens again makes me realize just how much more 'mature' we are due to our SN Dc....I have over heard a comment from another mother about me who said "she is weird...blah blah blah", and the backwards glances and giggles(seriously....these are the parents!) to which I think thank god I don't speak to you, your not my cup of tea anyway .

Ds has only had a couple of small outbursts when leaving school, no incidents during school...or so I am told by his new TA. In fact this is the calmest he has EVER been at the start of a new school term....I wonder if it has anything to do with the SA I requested during the holidays , does make me wonder . I will join you in the line anyway...just in case this is the calm before the storm

P.S for my Ds to leave the school at the end of the day with a slight spring in his step is enough for me to class as a good day..regardless of what I am told.

[FrussoHathor]

Honk honk mummy I'm now out of that situation due to ss place. But last year, and nursery before that were a nightmare. By the end of the school year I had managed to plaster a fake smile on my face.

[Mummyoftheyear]

Frusso - SS place?
Glad you're standing with me, anyway ;) and that things are getting easier for your DS/D and for you.

Thatsweird: glad you're standing next to me even though you're not affected by the horrible other mums. You've had some awful experiences!

I feel about 14 years old, standing there - no chat and no play dates. Lol
We have had (thank gd and please may it continue) a few okayish days back. Know what you mean about the calm before the storm though. I've learnt never to relax. Lol

I must admit that I find it especially hard as I'm a teacher and have worked with many children in my classes over the years who've had SEN of one form or another. I've usually been able to find a way of calming and/ or encouraging behaviour. But embarrassingly not with my own 5 year old. Thought it was totally my fault until my (now almost 3 y old) was born.

[FrussoHathor]

mummy ss=special school.
Is you ds 5? So reception? By July last year I was more of a blasé "what she done now"

[Mummyoftheyear]

Just started y1. Nearly 6

[Lesley25]

I will stand with you. My daughters just started reception and has autism. I dread pick up time too!

[FrussoHathor]

I also found I was replying with "have you any ideas what can be put in place for next time"

I found a home school book useful because dd would leg it if the teacher ever tried to stop and talk because the other parents didn't overhear what had happen that day.

[SummerRain]

I was in the school 8 times in the last 2 days to speak to teachers and resource teachers, clean ds2 up after he wet himself, dropping ds2 in late after appointments.

I was there at 8.20 on Thursday to discuss ds1 with his class teacher, then back at 9.15 to collect ds2 for an appointment, back with him at 10 and there for 20 minutes talking to another teacher who spotted me.... On and on it goes.

Pick up is usually ok although I do get called in a lot it's rarely for violence so at least the other mothers aren't glaring. It's the always having to be mentally ready that gets me, I just want to stroll over and grab my kids, not be prepared for in depth discussions every time I go near the building.

The receptionist and I joke that I might as well wait in her office during the day I'm in and out so much!

[MovingForward0719]

My Ds has started ss age 6. One year of nursery and two years of ms playground pick ups. Say no more. He goes on transport to new school and my other son is old enough to walk from and to the car independently so I no longer see the old mums. I think I became a bit hardened to it, I used to stand alone with a stony face which only cracked into a smile for my l

[MovingForward0719]

... Lovely kids and their TA. SN mum in ms playground is a lonely place to be

[Mummyoftheyear]

Polter, it's. sad fact that when I trained as a teacher, we had absolutely no training into SEN. I honestly don't remember a me room of any SEN. Nothing. Differentiation, yes - but that was for ability rather than to incorporate special needs of any kind. That was in 1999-2000. I honestly doubt that anything has changed. As a result, the importance of a good SENCO/ INCO is paramount... as is an open minded and humble teacher who is willing to listen to the parent and do whatever might help - whoever suggests it.

[Mummyoftheyear]

SummerRain... It's a full time job you've got there!

[Mummyoftheyear]

MovingForward, I'm soooo pleased to hear that you're no longer on the front line (pick up line). Sounds like a plan.. having a dead-pan face that breaks into a smile only for your children.

My son and I have a Drama Therapy assessment this Monday - after school. I don't know what to expect or whether it'll be helpful at all. But it's something. He's quite 'special'. But i think he is one of thise hard-to-identify, doesn't tick al of the boxes, high-functioning little guys. School refer to him as eccentric - when describing him to me. I'm sure that they have other ways of describing him when talking amongst themselves!
Trying not to think of Drama Therapy as something that's going to transform him overnight. But it's the only thing that we've ever been offered.

[Mummyoftheyear]

'scuse all my comments. I'm quite overwhelmed (v happy) that I'm not standing alone any more! Thanks to all standing with me.

[SummerRain]

Mummy... It feels like one most days. Yet according to the deciding officer we aren't entitled to care allowance as 'your son's needs to not represent a significant increase in care and attention relative to another child of similar age'. I felt like ringing them and daring them to say that to me during the fifth change of pooey pants in one day. Or the second night waking at 4am. Or point out the fact that I can't work as I have to be on call even when he's in school. But that's a whole other thread!

[Mummyoftheyear]

SummerRain.., sound pike your son's care doesn't require significantly more care than another child if his age...because you're supplementing the care given by school staff (the amount given to each child if his age) by being there to help .... which of course you need to be. A friend of mine has to go into school to change pooey pants too and finds it impossible to work! It doesn't sound right at all but is the way things seen to be.

[Mummyoftheyear]

Like - not pike
Oops

[Mummyoftheyear]

Seem - not seen
Grr

[SummerRain]

That's the thing, most SN parents are doing so much work to keep help the child function at a relatively normal level it's not always glaringly obvious that the child is struggling. But if we were to suddenly stop doing all the extra stuff...

His playschool used tell me I was just babying him... No, I'm treating him the way I need to to avoid a meltdown and reduce his anxiety Now that was a school run I was happy to see the back of!

[Lesley25]

I wangle my way to the front of my gates after having tried to negotiate the nearest parking space without double yellows,close enough to the gates so i can watch my other child in the car watching postman pat on the dvd player, after then having had to move because i was 3 cm's over the drive of the granny who lives in the house opposite twitching at her net curtains (god forbid should anyone park there for longer then 15 seconds), i then literally make my way to the front as my daughter will always be first out with her TA who gives the whole audience a "she was fine but.." speech.
I then mumble a thank you, avoid all the other staring eyes and push my way out of there, saving my smiles and love for my daughter.
In the last week, its been raining 3 out of 5 pick ups so i look like a drowned rat whilst waiting (after not having owned an umbrella for years and no one shares)...so, yes, its stressful, yes, its painful in your heart and yes you're anxious to read in the diary how the day went.
I am there. I am that mum on the side with you.

[Mummyoftheyear]

Aaah bless you, Lesley (not meant to sound patronising). I wear a raincoat with a hood/ pacamac. Need hands for children and school bags vs umbrella, anyway ;)
Now I know you're standing with me (and everyone who's joined so far) I no longer feel alone in the line. I'm also reeeeally looking forward to hearing how everyone else's day went (ie how the fall out was for your DDs a d DSs).

[Mummyoftheyear]

SummerRain, babying him?!
You know, I also need to manage my son's anxiety and had t realised that was what I was doing. Then, today, I read a thing in Love Bombing. Realised I'd kind of been doing that. Need to tweak my technique a bit. Lol
Made interesting reading - especially as it goes completely against the old fashioned (teacherish / my parents') traditional approach of getting strict, forcing them out to 'be more independent, etc.
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/sep/22/oliver-james-love-bombing-children

[SummerRain]

Reading that article I think I tend towards love bombing as a natural state of being I tell ds1 I love him even as he's punching me in the face. It works too, he responds far better to me than to dp whose natural response is anger and withdrawal.

With ds2 who is very anxious I've always let him rely on my love and support as much as he needs. Yes it looks like babying or pandering to some but it works.