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Need my hand held - recent DX and terrible time at school.

(12 Posts)
silasramsbottom Tue 10-Sep-13 09:29:18

First post after a name change. Posted on this board a couple of times before my DS was diagnosed with Aspergers. DX given in April and since then things have got worse, not better.

We've been back at school a few weeks (Scotland) and it's just been awful. I'm getting more tantrums in a 24 hour period than I had all school holidays. DS has huge sensory issues and is not coping in a class of 33.

I picked him up yesterday and while waiting in the playground I overheard a grandparent talk about a boy in the class that was putting her grand daughter off her work and she said if it was her that was the problem "she would be down on her like a ton of bricks". I just knew she was talking about DS. Sure enough, I got chatting to DS on the way home and he immediately offered up this girls name as someone who is complaining about him to the teacher.

What do I do? I knew this was going to come, but I've been crying on and off since 3 pm yesterday. DH says we should turn this into a positive and use it to help us (we are trying to get him moved to a school with an autism Unit but it won't happen quickly (if at all)) but I'm so upset at people thinking DS is "just a naughty boy".

I feel better just for getting it off my chest.

claw2 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:47:23

Your DH is right use it to your advantage and turn it back on school what do THEY plan to do about it. Your ds isn't coping and its affecting other pupils.

I would be telling the grandfather to complain to the school, it will give your argument more weight. You know there is a problem and you are doing all you can ie trying to get him moved to a school with ASD unit. School need to do all they can too.

Jacksterbear Tue 10-Sep-13 11:04:57

So sorry you're having such a rough time silas. It would upset me to hear that kind of comment too - am very paranoid re what other mums think about ds/my parenting.

There are a few of us on another thread doing mutual handholding re back-to-school difficulties with dcs with anxiety/sensory problems, if you wanted to come join us here.

(((Hugs))) for you.

Levantine Tue 10-Sep-13 17:05:22

Poor you and poor ds. Those comments really hurt. Just be clear in your head that your ds is not the problem, the school is the problem as they are not supporting him. I have sobbed after similair incidents so I do know how it feels xx

silasramsbottom Tue 10-Sep-13 19:39:58

Thanks for the advice and sympathy. It was much needed!

Peppapigisnotmyname Tue 10-Sep-13 21:26:32

My sympathies. It really hurts doesn't it? Had similar with my DS, dx with ASD. Others just don't get it x

okthatsweird Wed 11-Sep-13 10:54:23

silas it's awful to hear others speak that way, we have a few school reports and notes in Ds's work books about him not completing his work because he would rather distract the other Dc in his class which can be really upsetting to read but at the same time quite annoying on the schools part. Although I can imagine how frustrating it would be for the other Dc, I can also imagine how frustrating it must be for my Ds, as Levantine has said this to me is a sign that he isn't getting enough support otherwise he would be spending his time completing his work instead of distracting others. I will be using these work books and reports as evidence towards a statutory assessment.

Mean while take a few deeps breaths....you DH is right use it to your advantage. My Ds's CT boasted that she always gave my Ds 10 minutes at the start of class BEFORE helping any other Dc to be sure he knows what he has to do. I know from experience that when he completes his homework (in a quiet environment, free from any visual distractions) I have to be in close proximity, giving constant gentle encouragement, triple checking that he knows what he should be doing, helping him to read through the questions and explaining what the question is asking otherwise he won't do it and he will act 'silly' which in a classroom I should imagine would be a distraction. So the 10 minutes evidently aren't enough.

FanjoForTheMammaries Wed 11-Sep-13 10:58:18

<hugs> hope things get easier and you get tjat place in the unit.

Maybe teacher could do a talk or send out some info on ASD to try to promote some tolerance and understanding?

silasramsbottom Thu 12-Sep-13 21:17:18

I have been trying to catch the DHT this week to let her know there is an issue. Hopefully I'll catch her tomorrow, and when I do, I will spin this to his advantage.

DS' take on this is "she sits next to me and tries to boss me all the time. It's not her job to tell me what to do". That's another way of looking at it wink

FanjoForTheMammaries Thu 12-Sep-13 21:35:17

At least he is assertive grin

Hope you manage to catch her

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 22:41:45

(((hugs)))

silas it is just awful knowing that other people feel this way about our children, my ds is 10 and has Aspergers and other stuff and it has got easier. Partly because I really do not care what other parents think, partly because ds has made huge progress and that is largely down to me.

I would advise though that you don't rely on 'catching' the teacher/HT/DHT and do all your communicating by email/letter to create a paper trail, or if you do have a discussion follow it up with an email saying "just to confirm our discussion today, I understand that we agreed <list what was agreed> I look forward to reviewing these arrangements in X weeks as discussed. I am available <list availability>"

I know things are different in terms of SN support in Scotland, but are school listening to other professionals involved? eg OT for sensory stuff or autism outreach?

silasramsbottom Sun 15-Sep-13 20:08:50

Thanks folks.

We did indeed catch her. She is going to shift some children around and advised us to ramp up visits to psychological services around concerns about DS wellbeing (he is really stressed and not coping at school).

OT referral was refused last year on the basis of his issues being behavioural confused. We got our GP to re-refer him last week so fingers crossed.

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