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Feel so sorry for ds - please help

(9 Posts)
Broodymomma Tue 27-Aug-13 22:55:26

My ds is 6.5. He has spd and is currently in assessment for aspergers/ADHD. He struggles with social interaction and making friends though he does fine at school.

He has been best friends with a boy in his year who now lives next door to us for about 8 months. His mum wAs at first understanding of ds issues and the boys got on great. It was a new life for us watching this friendship blossom, sleepovers, in and out of eachothers house, sharing school runs etc. in short we really helped eachother out and I valued the relationship we had.

So to today... Ds for the 2nd time in 3 weeks wAs aggressive with her ds. He gets over stimulated and freaks out. He was in her care when he kicked off. Anyway she has said today her ds is now scared of mine and won't play with him anymore. I totally understand as I would not stand back and watch my child be scared either. I'm just so upset. Ds watched his pal plAy out in the street tonight through the window and it broke my heart. We had to walk back from school seperate routes and I am so nervous about walking the school run tomorrow that we have done together for the past 8 months. Just so upset and feel really awkward, there has been no fall out with me and the mum but its a horrible situation.

Feel like I am getting nowhere with a diagnosis and feeling so alone.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 23:05:33

Oh love I'm sorry your all feeling rubbish.

one of mine is on the As spectrum and its been heartbreaking, she is becoming more and more isolated at school. I have two friends with children with AS/ADHD and both in same situation.

My friends boy goes to cubs and is loving it, it gives him an outlet to let of steam and more friends to chose from.

Lampshadeofdoom Tue 27-Aug-13 23:09:02

We live on a busy main road and dd has not seen anyone from school for the whole holidays sad so I feel your pain.

bella7 Tue 27-Aug-13 23:17:56

Hi sorry to hear things are so tough. I have a simialar situation going on but it involes my ds and his lack of social skills being picked on both verbally and physically. I find some friends more accepting of differences than others.
Is it worth suggesting a short period of supervised play? You can always hover in the background. This is what we do as we never know when a meltdown is coming or when his buttons are being pressed.

armani Tue 27-Aug-13 23:23:46

I too know how you feel. dd hasnt got a dx of autism but has a dx of global learning difficulties.
we are not back to school yet but last year was very difficult. dd became bestfriends with a lovely little girl across the street and we all got on really well. dd enjoyed having a friend and really loved the little girl. however dd tends to lash out, storm around and meltdown alot if she is excited or over stimulated. I found myself dreading the school runs as dd would lash out and scream at the little girl, which would cause the friend to get upset and cause a lot of tension. the friends mum obviously was not happy and expected me to tell dd off, yet this would just make her worse. dd would then refuse to go into school as she couldn't understand why her friend was upset. it was an awful time and I often came home and just broke down as I just hated seeing dd be awful to someone she loves and it causing tension.
thank god for the 6 weeks holidays!
im dreading the return to school tbh sad

bella7 Tue 27-Aug-13 23:26:17

Are there any groups for children on the AS where they can get together and parents can relax as we understand meltdowns and the need to control. I do not know anyone else in the same position! If it wasn't for this board last week i was ready to book into a hotel for a few days to hide leaving dh to step up to the plate!!! lol

PolterGoose Wed 28-Aug-13 07:49:33

Can you have a chat with your neighbour, explain how much your ds values the friendship and explain how beneficial it has been for him and ask if she'd consider them playing together supervised and guided by you? I find my ds is much better when we structure 'play dates'. Also look at his sensory needs and think if there are any sensory activities you could do before he plays to reduce the sensory defensiveness that might be responsible for him hitting out. Maybe ask neighbour if her ds can join you for a particular activity that you can do with the boys?

Broodymomma Wed 28-Aug-13 09:20:45

Thanks everyone, this is the only place where I don't feel alone or judged.

I think I just need to leave things be for now. She left extra early today with her ds and took him to school where normally he would come with us. Would seem her ds has just had enough I can't force him to play with my ds it's just hard to watch it go from daily contact to nothing. Will see what happens but neighbour tells me I just need to be stricter with him. She just does not get it.

OneInEight Wed 28-Aug-13 09:57:11

We have had similar when ds2's best friends Mum went from actively fostering the friendship to banning her son from attending a lunchtime club that had been set up for ds2. I suspect most of the issues were caused by his twin brother but as she never discussed it with me - I did try - I will never know. At this stage they still played together in the playground so it seemed a bit ridiculous to stop the contact in a much more supervised arena.

We got sent some information recently from Action for Children about the sort of group you mention. We are in the West Midlands but assume they run similar elsewhere in the country. Haven't tried it yet so can't tell you how it is run. I also go to a local parent support group which sometimes arranges activities for the children in the holidays so again worth looking to see if there is something similar in your area.

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