DS bit another child and we had a terrible IEP mtg. Feel v. exasperated

[earthtomummy]

Following my mtg with DS new teacher, who thinks he has no identifiable needs (or did then) we were to have a mtg with her and the senco on Fri. As we arrived it transpired that the prev. day DS had been involved with another boy in an incident. This boy had hit DS who had then bitten him - unfortunately in the groin. I am just so horrified because he has never done anything like that before. Fortunately the head was q. sensible about this and having interviewed the boys and sent a report tothe hospital has said he has no concenrs. Still half expecting a call from Child protection though and absolutely dreading the playground gossips to. We then had this mtg with the head, the Senco and the teacher. The head was patronising and bombastic, telling us what the problems were and what would happen and not inviting our opinions or concerns at all. We had to fight to say anything. Is this how education workers think meeting should be held? DH works with schools in a CAMHS capacity and wasn't suprised. Anyway, I am finding it suprising and exhausting that I am having to try and persuade people that DS does have needs. The head told us in such a patronising way that maybe Ds was mildly autistic, but that we all are...aagh - I just can'yt seem to convey to some teachers what the problems are. I just didn't expect that. I know that they are mild and not nearly as marked and striking as other childrens in the school, but they exist all the same esp. with social comm. skills. And if one more person patronises me and describes me as overanxious in a school meeting I swearI'll scream.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

earthtomummy,

Easier said than done but stuff the playground gossips!!. Would think that hardly any mums know about this incident anyway besides which the other child started it by hitting your son. This also leads to a wider question - where was the supervision?. If this happened at lunchtime the dinner lady should have seen it and stopped it before it escalated as it did. Why were you not told of this incident the same day it occured?.

I don't think either the CP will be paying you a visit - these are two boys fighting.

Was wondering about this as I don't know the history but does your son see anybody in a professional capacity like a developmental paediatrician?. If not it is adviseable to get someone like this on your side and on board (GP can refer you).

It appears also that school are basically not coping at all well here and not letting you have your say is a strong indicator of that. One option you have and one I would seriously consider is to write to your LEA asking for your son to be assessed with a view to getting a statement. Don't rely on the school to do it because it probably won't get done.

This school's response does not surprise me either - the school my son attends permanently excluded their last autistic pupil.

Unfortunately the onus is very much on parents these days to get the educational help their children need. No-one else is going to do this for you and you are your child's best and only advocate.

[earthtomummy]

Apparently the incident happened in the clasroom, but it was only later that eve. that the boy said it hurt and his patrents took him to A&E. Bit odd that he didn't shout out when it occurred, but there you go. The problem I seem to have is that DS' needs are mild and subtle. The obvious stuff re. fine and gross motor skils is obvious and the teachers are obviously more comfortable dealing with that. His social comm. skills are a different matter. The head and his teacher were saying that all kids struggle, blah, blah, that DS isn't all alone on the playground etc We know that, but we know that he misses social cues and nuances and this leads to confusion and somethimes to him lashing out. We just want them to consider that sometimes his more inappropriate behaviour should be dealt with but considered in the light of the needs we feel he has. The problem is that because to all intents and purposes DS seems absoultely like your average 5 yo. But we know he's not. We think he has AS traits and poss. dyspraxic traits. We referred him to a dev. paed. and she thinks we have cause for concern too. So does inclusion support. They wrote up an observation and the head was saying that nothing in it worried him and he didn't seem to think they should be involved. Thing is, if DS really did have no needs, why would we be pursuing this, given the heartache and difficulties inherent in the process. I am just fed up saying, yes, i know ots of 5 yos are wary of people but how many go to a family wedding and just roar at everyone who approaches them, how many don't properly communicate with their parents until they are over 3, how many obsess about their friend being at school from their waking moment etc etc. I don't think that we have enough yet for statementing and that in yr 1 and 2 things will start to reveal themself. but the head was saying we'll manage him like any other child. Well, that's not ok because without some so. skils support he will start to lose friendships and / or get into more trouble, be labelled as naughty and dealt with down that path. Sorry to go on, but I really can't believe it is such an iffot to get school to accept that he has needs. No needs they are fine. Big needs they are fine. Anything in the middle seems to cause confusion.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

earthtomummy

Would not worry unduly about the child's visit to A & E that evening.

Would strongly suggest you talk to IPSEA and get their opinion re the school's behaviour. I find their attitude ostrich like (y'know head in the sand). You have basically three groups of people who should know what they're talking about - yourselves as parents, inclusion support and the dev pead; all of these groups are expressing concerns. Looking at this from the outside I would take these three groups of people showing concern over the school's inaction any day.

It is a sad fact that some schools are far better than others at dealing with these sorts of issues.

If he does indeed have dyspraxic and AS traits as you suggest being either on SA or SA plus will do him no favours longer term. Its falling short now.

Personally speaking only I'd apply for the Statement asap and not leave it until he gets into years 1 or 2. I have found from my own experience that early intervention if support is needed is vital. It can also take six months for such a document to be set up if the LEA agree to assess so such a request should be made sooner rather than later.

www.ipsea.org.uk is very good and would recommend you read thieir website. They also have a helpline you can call.

Remember as well that the onus these days is very much on the parents for their child if there are any special educational needs. You are your child's best - and only advocates.

[onlyjoking9329]

sorry to hear you are having such diffficulties, in your position i would be pushing for a DX and a statement, i have in notts county and getting my 3 statemented was not difficult, nottingham city however are not so keen to statement a child, so battlegear to the ready, CAT me if i can help in any way

[Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads]

earthomummy- I think I'd pursue a dx in your situation, at least further investigation. I think cat64's suggestion of saying things like :so what is your procedure when a child bites another on in the groin" is a good one.

As for people saying "all children are like that"- I sympathise- I get it all the time- and my child is severely autistic. In fact last time I had it was on Friday when my aunt proceeded to tell me how her 13 year old son was just like my ds1 (except that ds1 aged 7 can't talk, can't wait, can't walk down the street without someone holding onto him etc etc). What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't feel that people saying that to you means that you have to justify your child's difficulties. It's just something people say. Sometimes I think they think they're being helpful.