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I believe I now have 'evidence' that CP was falsely raised against me. Do I stay and fight, or move and fight?

(177 Posts)
miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 11:19:41

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miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 11:21:03

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mrsdinklage Tue 30-Jul-13 11:32:59

Oh dear - I remember you posting about this before. I am sorry I have no professional advice but its truly dreadful. Could you MP help ? (Hopefully someone else will be able to give you more constructive advice)

I remember you posting before too. No real advice about your question, but what jumps out at me is that you say your son won't want to move, and that you will separate (permanently?) and have a financial strain. Your son will be 9 or 10, so only a couple of years till secondary. Is be tempted to sit it out , if you're happy with the secondary he will go to.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 11:38:17

What evidence do you have that CP was falsely raised?

Not that I don't believe you, just after reading your OP, it was something EP said in a meeting and you have nothing in writing?

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 11:48:05

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inappropriatelyemployed Tue 30-Jul-13 12:28:53

They will make something up. They will say the CP matter is not a decision for the EP but for CP services and the EP wasn't privy to their information.

Have you made a written request for details of why they were considering CP? Was any action ever taken?

They will just deny and lie. Moving might be your best option.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 12:31:55

I was in a very similar situation, except ds has a dx of ASD. Seems they are saying your anxiety is the cause of your ds's anxiety. You are exaggerating needs and constant assessments are the cause of your ds's anxiety.

So EP is saying no more assessments as these are considered detrimental to your ds by other professionals involved and you are not following professional advice.

and in his opinion you offended some people.

1. Ask for a copy of SS procedures.
2. Ask for copies of SS assessments.
3. Ask SS to clarify in writing, exactly where in the SS process you are and the grounds for CP.

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 30-Jul-13 12:37:09

Good advice Claw.

It is horrible, really horrible, that parents have to go through this but it seems scarily common.

WetAugust Tue 30-Jul-13 12:37:24

Hi Imogen

I remember your earlier posts.

Do you have your own copy of the tape? If so I would complain using it as evidence but not until I had moved area.

Who is the witness? If it's someone in your camp they won't be believed. If it's someone in their camp they'll be taken away and reprogrammed rapidly.

You're still asking the same question that you've been asking for the last 2 years now - should I stay or should I go.

II think you were also struggling with a decision as to whether to separate then as well. think we all agreed earlier that to get your DS's problems properly acknowledged and supported you had to leave. Now you've even had the Scottish Childrens Law Centre recommending you move - why is there even a decision to be made confused

Frankly, your DS's not liking change should not enter into your decision. I very much doubt he likes being bullied and having to struggle along inadequately supported at school. So how you can really believe he's happy there?

Don't think it will be any better at secondary. You live in a small community where the services all know each other, in and out of school. Secondary does not come with a big magic wand that improves matters. Secondary is actually when your problems can really increase, away from the pastoral support of junior school - look at my own DS who ended up in a psychiatric unit through the abuse he suffered in secondary. Do you want to wait for that to happen?

No, it simple. Pick up the phone, call the estate agent and decide where in the UK you wish to go.

And please do it soon.

Once you're away from their grip you can fight them all you want - they can no longer hurt you.

I hope you can finally take action.

WetAugust Tue 30-Jul-13 12:39:55

Hi Imogen

I remember your earlier posts.

Do you have your own copy of the tape? If so I would complain using it as evidence but not until I had moved area.

Who is the witness? If it's someone in your camp they won't be believed. If it's someone in their camp they'll be taken away and reprogrammed rapidly.

You're still asking the same question that you've been asking for the last 2 years now - should I stay or should I go.

II think you were also struggling with a decision as to whether to separate then as well. think we all agreed earlier that to get your DS's problems properly acknowledged and supported you had to leave. Now you've even had the Scottish Childrens Law Centre recommending you move - why is there even a decision to be made confused

Frankly, your DS's not liking change should not enter into your decision. I very much doubt he likes being bullied and having to struggle along inadequately supported at school. So how you can really believe he's happy there?

Don't think it will be any better at secondary. You live in a small community where the services all know each other, in and out of school. Secondary does not come with a big magic wand that improves matters. Secondary is actually when your problems can really increase, away from the pastoral support of junior school - look at my own DS who ended up in a psychiatric unit through the abuse he suffered in secondary. Do you want to wait for that to happen?

No, it simple. Pick up the phone, call the estate agent and decide where in the UK you wish to go.

And please do it soon.

Once you're away from their grip you can fight them all you want - they can no longer hurt you.

I hope you can finally take action.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 12:43:43

In my experience SS don't like to put anything in writing, as they are constantly moving the goal post.

School/LA made 3 separate allegations against me to get SS attention. None of which were true and I had written proof that these were totally untrue.

Once proven to be untrue, that should have been the end of it.

However, it wasn't, they just moved the goal post to something else.

The minute they put something in writing to me, draft core assessment. I could write to the head of services, prove none of which was true and procedures were not followed.

Then everything, all records, including the draft core 'disappeared' from ss 'systems' and social worker dealing with our case, was taken off the case!

Now all allegations have been 'forgotten' about and we now have a new history.

SS became involved due to 'ds poor school attendance' hmm no you didn't!

mummytime Tue 30-Jul-13 12:55:19

In you situation I would have moved last summer.

I'm afraid that for whatever reason they have taken against you and decided to bully you/neglect your son's needs like this. You could fight BUT; it probably wouldn't change anything until too late for your son. Your health could also be ruined in the process.

Yes if you move you might have to fight, but you would most probably not have all the professionals against you.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 12:55:51

For us things changed for the following reasons.

1. I had a long, well documented history of ds's difficulties from experts.

2. I was being accused of exaggerating needs by LA/school. However, they backed down and agreed to SA and issued a statement. So I 'won', I couldn't be accused of exaggerating needs any longer.

3. SS put something in writing to me, which could be challenged and proved inaccurate.

Trigglesx Tue 30-Jul-13 13:03:58

I am also struggling a bit with this one. I sympathise, I really do, but you've come on here a number of times saying "do I stay or do I leave?" and everyone says "leave" and you come back again saying "okay, now they're doing THIS... do I stay or do I leave?"

I get that it's frustrating and scary to think about moving. No, you shouldn't have to move to get better support for your DS. No, you shouldn't have to fight the LA or NHS to get better care for your DS. But the fact remains that he is not getting appropriate support and is not likely to in that environment.

Look at it from a strictly clinical aspect. Do NOT be swayed by the fact that he wants to stay. Remember, it is common for children, especially those with SNs, to resist change. That doesn't mean he won't adapt. This is meant to be a change for the better - he will adapt. It may take awhile, but if he gets better support, he WILL adapt because it will HELP him. He's not thinking about that - YOU have to think about it for him.

As far as you and your DP separating, that's nothing any of us here would get involved in discussing IMO. It's personal and it's well outside the boundaries of the SNs aspect. Only you can decide if this is a deal breaker or not. FWIW, my H and I separated just a few months ago, and there were some issues in there about DS1's disability and H's ability to cope with the behavioural problems. It was my decision and I would make the same decision again - I have to put my DCs first.

I do think that if you leave that area and move somewhere else, you should still follow up and make a complaint with that tape, simply because their behaviour is appalling. Yes, in an ideal world, you'd complain, they'd be hauled up and told to shape up, and all would be wonderful again. But you know, as we all do, that any complaint is going to take years to sort out, and in the meantime, where does that leave your DS? Think about what is best for HIM and act on it. But don't think that making a complaint about the LA/school will make things better, because I imagine initially (and for quite some time) it will make things worse.

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 13:25:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 13:28:52

Cant ask for SS copies of anything as SS never involved, so who is threatening CP?

and yes you can ask for minutes, or do a FOI.

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 13:37:35

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miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 13:39:55

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claw2 Tue 30-Jul-13 13:42:31

Child protection is not a status for school, EP, paed or whoever to decide. Child protection is an investigation by social services.

So seems school, EP, paed or whoever are saying they will raise their concerns with SS, but haven't?

Weigh up what you do have/don't have.

You have school, paed, EP etc saying that assessed and yes your ds does have SOME difficulties? (I am assuming some, as EP made recommendations)

You have DK saying 'weak positive dx for ASD' and more thorough assess needing to be done.

Paed, school, EP etc will argue we have assessed the socks off of ds and have found SOME difficulties.

More assessments could prove DK right 'weak positive dx for ASD', which is kind of what paed, school, EP etc are saying ie yes he has SOME difficulites?

What do you want from school? What would be the best outcome of the meetings you attend?

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 30-Jul-13 13:44:26

I am confused.

Was there actually any form of child protection action raised against you? How did they communicate this? Did social services get involved?

If they just mentioned CP as a threat then this is horrible and intimidating but the EP's comments don't do anything other than confirm that this was just threatening behaviour.

inappropriatelyemployed Tue 30-Jul-13 13:44:52

x-post with claw

miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 13:48:04

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miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 13:51:28

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miemohrs Tue 30-Jul-13 13:56:14

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