SON WILL NOT SIT IN HIS CAR SEAT AT BREAKING POINT

[AngP2585]

My 3 year old son will not sit in his car seat, I sit him in it and he jumps out and climbs into the front and starts playing with all the controls. He will not listen to me at all! I tell him to get back in and he refuses I have to haul him out the car with great difficulty and then it all starts again. I have had to ask Nursery teachers, neighbours or anyone else I think could help me. When someone else tells him he does it!

I have been putting a treat in his car seat and saying he will get it when mummy straps him in. That was working for about a month but he is not interested despite trying different things. He is not interested in toys or books as a distraction. I have consulted all the proffesionals and tried everything they have suggested but no joy?

Anyone have any suggestions?

[Ineedmorepatience]

Have you tried food as a bribe motivator?? It is often the only way.

I had to turn the straps upside down on Dd1's car seat to stop her escaping.

It is a nightmare, I feel for you

[Reality]

In this order, I do:

Offering a bottle of milk; offering crisps (I know!); offering chocolate (look, I'm against the clock and it's important); and finally I strongarm him in.

The final one is not much fun for anybody and takes practice and care, and often tears (from us both).

DS is 22 mo.

Sorry if that's not masses of help. But with luck, it will be a phase and will pass soon.

[insanityscratching]

I'd probably invest in a Crelling harness and strong arm him in and put up with the screams because he wouldn't escape the harness. Ds was of the belief that the car didn't work until he was buckled in and that was pretty successful tbh but no good if ds has escaped previously and the car kept moving.

[Reality]

I do think this is one of those situations where sheer force is necessary. YOu are presumably more than twice his size and strength and it's possible, although not pleasant, to MAKE him sit in his seat.

It's horrid for you though, you have my utmost sympathy.

[ouryve]

If you've moved him to a high backed booster he definitely needs to be in a seat with a 5 point harness. The Britax Xtensafix might be worth trying, as that has a harness that's potentially good to 25kg (though DS2 would have wriggled out of those straps as he got bigger. DS2, in fact, wriggles out of his bleeding Crelling harness, but he is 7!)

[mymatemax]

just a thought, but is there something about the seat or fabric that he doesn't like. We had to cover ds2's seat with a plain white towel for a long while as he didn't like anything with a busy pattern & would scream everytime he saw it

[AngP2585]

I have been trying food as a motivator it was working for about a month but now he is not interested, I have tried all different things from his favorite crisps, rasins, fruit peelers, fruit shoots you name it I have tried every single food item he likes. It really worked well to begin with but now he is only focused on getting into the front seat.

He is in a booster seat with a 5 point harness. I have tried toys, books anything he might like but he is not interested.

It's getting to the stage where I need tips on how to actually restrain him until I get him fastned in the car seat?

He does not have any problem with the seat or the fabric or anything. He just seems to think it's a game and it's funny. He is a nighmare!!! I have tried being really firm, shouting, telling him he is not getting something if he does not sit in his seat, he is not bothered!!! I am tearing my hair out when he does it and there is nobody about I could just cry. I am standing there for ages feeling totally powerless!

I took him to a farm today with lots of animals and a playpark he loves it there but when it came to going home and putting him in the car seat it was the same again as it was on the way, the only reason I managed to get him in this morning was because my neighbour shouted over to him to get into his car seat and of course he did!!! He does things for other people and not me?

On the way home I really struggled with him in the end I had to haul him out the drivers seat and put my knee over him and take a beating where he was bitting me and pulling my face!

[colditz]

Lift him into the seat, and then place your hand on the seat between his legs. DON'T give him warning that you are going to do this, if you just pick him up and do it, it will go a lot smoother.

Once he is sat in and your hand is down, use your fore arm to firmly hold him in the seat while you use the other hand to put the straps on. Don't talk to him for the entire incident, it adds fuel to the fire. Be cheerful and matter of fact, but do just force him, because a car seat is non negotiable and life preserving.

[insanityscratching]

I would probably be very tough let him know you were going somewhere nice, give a warning that he needed to get in his car seat any refusal get out of the car and abandon the trip.
Likewise getting out of his seat whilst travelling, pull up and don't move until he is in there and return directly home emphasising that no car seat means no trip out. He needs to learn you are serious about car safety.

[TimidLivid]

I have 2 asd sons and the thing to do is get reins like little life lindam or mother care any reins. and once baby is strapped into the car seat undo the rein clip and put the two straps over the top of the car seat straps and reclip. then your child cannot just slip his arms out

[TimidLivid]

so you have the cart seat button straps thing low down and a few inches higher the reins strap at around chest level

[TimidLivid]

as a result of the same issues my 3 year old has been in permanent public reins whenever we are out as we have the same problem with the pushchair . so its we are going out reins on. get in buggy unclip reins over top of buggy harness, get in car seat unclip reins over top , when in between car and pushchair and car and buggy so its all easier to handle him. we rarely walk his with them on a good day he will walk for a short while on reins but cannot do anything other than what he wants, If I take them off he bolts. also have nt daughter never needed reins. they only worked in pushchair car seat with first son he would not walk in them whatsoever but i'm yet to find abetter way. my first son is 14 now he did learn to walk alongside us eventually so I disregard rein and pushchair critics and have helped a lady on fb with doing this too.

[kyz1981]

TimidLivin Thankyou - I am struggling with the same issues as the OP and use force to secure him in, But my DS (ASD) has taken to getting his arms out of the straps- I was advised to get him a special needs car seat and was quoted £500- You have just saved me a fortune

[busymum1]

I know its probably wrong but when dd1 was like this I bought one of these www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/9077395.htm that some how only worked when strapped in car seat

[TimidLivid]

I'm glad and hope it works for you

[decaffwithcream]

I don't think it's safe to use reins.

I was told not to do so as they are not made from the same kind of material as a seatbelt, which gives.

And because they are in precisely the position that is very dangerous for a seatbelt in an accident. If you have a seatbelt under your arm in a high speed collision it can slice through the internal organs.

We have just had an ad campaign here about the dangers of people having seatbelts in that position.

And I am having a nightmare trying to stop DS from throwing his seatbelt off but no OT or seatbelt provider I have spoken to will accept the idea of using reins at all, for those reasons.

[TimidLivid]

I understand that but if I don't use the reins over the seat belt my son gets out right away and we cant have that in a moving car, so it is probably bad advice but I cannot see how to keep my son is a seat belt or pushchair any other way. in America they have seatbelt clips but they are not allowed in the EU that do the same job as the reins the way I used them. I hope we are never in an accident but between not being contrained in a seatbelt at all to having reins on I see that they dont give, but I will say that as they are over the seatbelt they will move with the seat belt to some extent as long as the reins isnt tight. but my son is extreme jumping over the seats and if we try to hold him with hand biting and head butting. So until I have a better solution that's what I will do or never use cars or buses which isn't happening, or taxi for that matter. if I have to fold on the bus my son fights me and wants to jump over the seats and run about this has been the case as soon as he could walk. so Decaff I do take on what you are saying, but as I have no other way of using cars taxis or buses I wont stop doing it. I really would like a different solution but this is a problem a lot of parents have. Car seat are designed for children that will sit in them willingly like adults, that's not what I have

[Pixel]

My ds used to be out of his booster seat before I'd even got behind the wheel and that was with wriggling out of the seatbelt rather than unfastening it. He thought it was hilarious too and the more cross I got the better he liked it! The only solution was a Crelling harness. Which professionals have you consulted? It was our OT who got the first harness for us to try as they are quite expensive.
Once your ds realises he can't escape he will probably give up but you will need nerves of steel until then (my ds even chucked his shoes at the back of my head as he was so furious).

[Pixel]

kyz1981 you need www.crelling.com/OPTIONAL%20EXTRAS.htm if you need to stop him getting his arms out.

Btw, we looked at those special needs car seats as well at £500 and just didn't have that sort of money. Luckily there was a Britax one at the time with the same specifications (and big enough for older children) that was a fraction of the price. I'm not up with current car seats but it is worth having a good look around. If anyone does want to try a Crelling harness the website says you can have a trial one for 14 days before shelling out.

[TimidLivid]

thanks pixel this look like something that could work too

[kyz1981]

Thanks I have tried the Houdini and found it useless my DS is able to open it, my main worry is that he undoes the window and throws all his things out and given half a chance would be out, and I can not find anything to stop him doing this- My OT is looking in to something at the moment as I am so worried about it. The Brittax car seat was £500 and was recommended by a special needs car seat supplier, it has a clip in the middle of the straps to stop a child doing this - But it is over £500 and it won't last that long. TBH i thought I had solved it by finding car seats with an impact shield instead of a harness but they get taken away at my DS current weight. Its so hard as the only legal products I have found are ££££ this generally goes for all the adaptations my DS needs just to keep him safe,

[TimidLivid]

I'm afraid even with the risk from using reins I'm still going to use them, my 14 yr old survived and if we did have an accident when ds2 has slipped the car seat straps down he would be more injured than if in his car seat with reins
and the special need car seat I saw was basically a car seat with the chest clip piece sewn on where I fasten the reins in the middle, just like the houndini thing but sewn on so I am not seeing much difference. apart from loads of money increase

[Pixel]

KYZ, can you sit him in the middle so he can't reach to undo the windows? My ds used to do this, he even threw his shoes out of the school transport and they had to go back for them!

Timid, would the harness be better? You can use them with a booster seat or without, and you can have a special clip that you have to lift to undo instead of pressing a button. Ds is 13 and still hasn't figured out how to undo it.
(Btw, he was getting really good in the car and no longer needed the harness, was just in ordinary seatbelt for last couple of years, but after problems with school transport we have had to go back to using the harness. don't think it means your ds will still be causing you this much trouble at 13!)

[TimidLivid]

The harness certainly looks effective and strong