opositional child please help

[pinkum]

I have 2 special needs children. My oldest ds is getting allot of help for when he is at school. but preciouse little at home. he has adhd, anxiety, spd, and tried to kill himself at 5.
my youngest ds has adhd diagnosed but come high up on the opositional spectrum. he is nearly 5. (other ds is 6.)
youngest ds is making life very hard, he just throws a spanner in the works at every oportunity.
he physicaly hurts us, bates his brother, behaves digustingly at the table, diliberatly wets himself, tried to wee on me the other day. he says nasty things, well though out too not just, "you poo poo". climbs and jumps off up to 8 ft high.
he just dousnt care if hes made you angry or sad. he has little or no idea of social acceptability. the list goes on.
I got a realy good book on adhd but need something on odd. my husband and i are totaly together and have been told were realy good parents but i feel all at sea and just want to run and run and run and i dont know where. i do go to a support group once a month. but there must be some help for parents.
i know when the school struggle they get help. we already had to take them out of their last school as a teacher was being physicaly and menaly unkind to them. we just werent wanted.
we go to a good school now but the buck always stops with us, if people dont want to deal with them they just dump them and we are always left to pick up the pieces.
sorry to go on but i dont know what to do. im worried my little boy is going to end up in deep sh*t when hes older is I cant help him.

i love him so much but I feel like hes killing me through stress.

[cornypony]

that sounds really tough

has your younger ds been assessed for spd as well? I'm wondering about the climbing. My ds1 has SPD and loves climbing. Maybe some sensory equipment could be helpful. Do you get DLA for him?

There's a really good book called 'The Explosive Child' which might be helpful alongside your book about adhd.

[pinkum]

im waiting for spd assesment to come back and yes they both get dla. thank you so much for the book. i'll look into that.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Have no advice sorry but didnt want to read and run.

My eldest Dd was similar to your Ds 2 so I understand what you are dealing with. Its no good me sharing stuff with you because I handled her really badly and didnt know where to go for help or advise.

Do you have a family support worker? They are usually based at sure start centres and can be helpful at signposting to services.

Good luck

[crazygal]

Hi
I completey get what your saying..our son too is very similar..
Its completely draining...he ruins the best of days...and I know that sounds awful

I've done lots of courses,the best one was positive handling,
It thought us how to restrain him nice and easy so no one gets hurt,it was more monovers more than restraint...but it was full of info!

I've also read the explosive child,which was very good,but also found the unwritten rules of friendship a very good book!

Our son has been exlcuded from school/class for the safety of others 5 times in one month...he stabbed a boy in the neck with a pencil because he looked at him! he also punched a girl right across the face because she kicked a ball to someone else...
The stress it brings on the family is terrible!
Hes 9..his dx is adhd and aspergers...they say he has a bit of everything...his dx has gone to a panel to see if hes asd

also you mentioned the toilet talk!!!
this morn im a bum crack head! poo face...bummy bummy head etc...drives me mad! and hard to ignore...x

[pinkum]

thank you so much for the replys, its good to know were not on our own. we do have a parent support advisor.
i'll have a look for those books. we did get given a dvd course on posative parenting, but it was realy patronising, i could have written it myself and we do all the stuff in it, it said if this dousnt work in a few weeks get profesional advice, but there dousnt seem to be any. they just keep saying keep going your doing a great job.

[pinkum]

I am not coping very well. every night they wont go to bed. eveythings a battle. tonight I left the room and started hitting myself in the head with my trainers and then burst into tears whilst my husband delt with them.

He says we just have to deal with them ourselves and theres no magic cure and theres not help. all the experts do is give me apointments that are months away. But we need help now!

[sickofsocalledexperts]

Would you investgate ritalin or similar medications, such as strattera? Friends have experienced very good results, and I know it it is not normally given till 6, but believe Camhs will stretch a point in extreme circumstances (which you sound like you're in!).

[pinkum]

we dont even have a diagnosis of odd only adhd the pediatrican says hes too young to diagnose, and cahms are bloody useless we see them 4 ds1. going 2morrow in fact.

[popgoestheweezel]

Have you ever looked at pathological demand avoidance? My ds has pda with sensory difficulties and from what you said there are lots of parallels. Look under 'related conditions' on nas website and also PDA contact forum for more info. There is a book too 'understanding pathological demand avoidance' by Phil Christie et al. You can find it on amazon. I agree The explosive child book is very good as well.

[pinkum]

im reading the explosive child at the moment. its not all him exploding at us though. sometimes hes just plain unkind, or violent, he thinks its funny to hit you, sometimes he just growls, hes like a little animal. then to other people hes quite charming if a little too over confident. hes making life very difficult for us
tbh i think im a little under the weather at the moment so feeling a little down. but we do need more help on how to deal with him. as the usual time out reasoning things just dont work.