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Arrgghh ... bloody precious parents!!

9 replies

MadameSin · 04/07/2013 22:55

Feel embarrassed and a bit pissed off that the father of a boy in ds2's class has approached him at a (non-school) church club tonight and accused him of bullying his ds. I am aware that the 2 boys do not get on and wind each other up. Ds2 (ADHD) is not trying very hard to manage his poor reactions, usually ends up lamping anyone who hits or annoys him, but this boy has recently moved to my ds's class as he wasn't 'getting on' in previous one and was decribed to me by the deputy head teacher as 'very irritating' . Father beckoned ds over to him at the club, where I had left him supervised, and told him that if it didn't stop he would be speaking to me. Ds said he couldn't talk and felt scared. Mother of boy then rings me to let me know what hubby did. School have said nothing of any issues .... not sure whether to say something to school, parents or do nothing as got 3 weeks to go. AIBU to think dad was inappropriate??

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ouryve · 04/07/2013 22:59

Dad was extremely inappropriate. He should have gone to scool as a first resort, if he thinks the bullying is happening there. He should have spoken to oyu if you have an amicable relationship - which you clearly don't. Approaching your DS like that is completely out of order. You need to tell him that if he doesn't back off, you will be the one approaching school.

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cornyblend37 · 04/07/2013 23:02

agree with ouryve - I would approach the school now though to let them know that the dad has ramped it up. Silly man.

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MadameSin · 04/07/2013 23:08

Ouryve actually, I get on with parents and we were almost neighbours recently .. phew! Feel coul dbe opening up a can of worms for ds if I approach school ... they may wanna take it much further as they ovbiously felt it was ok to do it this way .....

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MumuDeLulu · 04/07/2013 23:25

Not ideal. Clumsy rather than malicious, though?

Tbh, I'd always rather sort ds's reactions to other kids out myself, as when school intervene they usually make it worse. Another mum and I did reward charts to get our lads to stay apart (school thought they could fix it by telling them to 'play nicely together' and without proper supervision)

And this lad's mum rang to tell you possibly after tearing strips off tactless hubby Maybe taking a commanding role will help, "Thank you for telling me. If there is a next time, please do x or y"

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SimLondon · 04/07/2013 23:49

If he didnt stop what?

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MadameSin · 05/07/2013 08:10

The 'bullying' ... boys have had at least 2 run in lately wher it's ended up with a slap or kick .. on both sides. Their son has cried and put himself outside the welfare office each time.

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Bluebirdonmyshoulder · 05/07/2013 09:10

Ds2 (ADHD) is not trying very hard to manage his poor reactions, usually ends up lamping anyone who hits or annoys him

This is not ok. Your DS can't go around 'lamping' people.

I think the other dad was ill-advised but to be honest I can understand his reaction. He's clearly seen his son so unhappy that he's had to move classes and I suspect his heart sank when his DS ran into new problems with your DS. I suspect he's being protective, something we can all identify with.

I am also shocked that the deputy head told you this other boy was irritating.

I think you need to get in touch with these other parents and ALL of you agree a strategy with the school to keep the boys apart and manage their behaviour.

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Bluebirdonmyshoulder · 05/07/2013 09:11

And they're not being 'bloody precious' for trying to protect their son by the way.

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MadameSin · 05/07/2013 09:31

Bluebird you are right, my reaction is a counter attack in a way .. all trying to keep our kids heads above the water and I wrote the title when I was wound up. I am aware it's not ok to hit out if you get angry and am really trying to help ds2 with his temper.. that's why I'm on the SN board. I've explained to ds2 that there will be kids who know how to push buttons, his job is not to react in a way that is inappropriate. Transpires from his father that his son was moved because he didn't 'get on' with the teacher and a few kids in the class, whatever that means. He agreed he shouldn't have approached him how he did. He wanted them to shake hands and make up, but I don't think that is possible. They are worlds apart as boys and I suspect will never be friends, we can't all be. My advice has been to try and avoid each other where possible. I wasn't shocked the DH told me that, as I've heard alot worse spilling from teachers mouths over the years. Three weeks and counting ......