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Having a real shite week

(50 Posts)
frizzcat Thu 04-Jul-13 14:02:49

Before I start, I want to say sorry to those of you who are dealing with real problems - but I really can't pick myself up this week.

We had the sports day this week and there was lots of activities going on, loud music system blaring out and despite ds sensitivity to noise he completed the tasks and wanted to do it. That alone should make me jump for joy but I'm just not feeling it.
I was annoyed that the TA was leaving early and it was assumed I would escort him round the course, while other parents sat drinking tea. I hate these things anyway, I can't eat before them and I'm just a pent up ball of nerves as I wait for ds to fall apart. He never does but I just can't enjoy them, everytime a note arrives I always secretly hope that a head cold arrives to prevent ds attendance. I never stop him doing these things and actively encourage him, why should he miss out because his mum is a miserable cow!?

I have tried to persuade my dh to do more of these things, but he's self employed and he's not paid for his time. I also feel like ds ASD is my sole responsibility, I read about it, am on here countless times in a day, he's 8yrs old and I lie awake thinking about secondary school and where is the best place for ds. Dh just leaves it to me and says he trusts me - but I just think that's abdicating responsibility to me surely!!
I am so tired of chasing up schools and NHS and god knows who, that I am mentally exhausted, I wish there was a button s

I am quite outgoing at the school gate, know lots of parents (MS) - and I know they have little meet ups with all their dc, most of the time we are not included, normally i dont get annoyed about this and let them get on, after all these arent my friends. Yet when there's a mums night out I get fired with texts, emails of " you are coming ... U have to come ... Won't be the same without you" I think oh so it's just my ds that's not accepted - and I think well fuck off - its not like my ds is badly behaved, he just struggles to talk to other people.

I'm also tired if these patronising arses who come up to me after plays and sports days with their heads practically falling of their heads such is the tilt of said head "oh didn't you ds do so well aaahhhhh" what I want to do is send laser beams from my eyes and burn onto their heads "twat" and then explain, my ds did well but no better or worse than any other dc here, so straighten your head and piss off.

The thing is that ds is going really well, really working hard and I can't see the wood for the trees.

Can someone just smack me out of it please?

frizzcat Thu 04-Jul-13 14:06:07

* I wish there was a button somewhere that I could press and it would quietly blow up my head! They I could have some peace, obviously I'd want a new head back.

Also sorry for shocking grammar - the iPhone hates me

RippingYarns Thu 04-Jul-13 14:16:57

<makes brew >

can i sit next to you, please?

i've already bawled my eyes out today after having the most shitty patronising meeting yesterday with DDs school, so went into town for a bit of retail therapy

i bumped into a mum from DDs previous school and immediately felt like the shit on her shoe - no fault of hers but it landed me right back to this time last year when DD was a right mess, unrine incontinent, growling and violent at home. the move was so positive for her and she has come on leaps and bounds but..well i'm bored of the sound of my own voice about it sad

i think we feel so low because it's so hard if we switch off - the need to push and push just to get what our DCs are entitled to, never mind if anyone did anything out of the goodness of their hearts, is relentless

<opens cake tin>

PolterGoose Thu 04-Jul-13 14:18:29

No smacks shock

I can empathise a bit, except I really don't speak to any other parents, and am a bit of a playground pariah since ds was so awful during infants sad

Some things just hit home and highlight our children's differences and difficulties more than others.

Be kind to yourself flowers

RippingYarns Thu 04-Jul-13 14:21:48

i don't talk to any parents at DDs school either, the one i approached when DD latched onto her DD now avoids me like the plague

i'd like to think it's her loss, but it's not is it?

she's the one making chit-chat, i'm the one dreading what sort of state my child will come out of class in

frizzcat Thu 04-Jul-13 14:42:10

I'll let you into a little secret, I don't talk to these people because I'm a social animal - it's my own personal PR ploy, if I have the dps on side then it might make it harder for their dc's to be mean to my ds. That side of things has worked fairly well tbh.
But I just thought to myself this week, I am killing myself here and it will never be good enough, what's the bloody point!
There is something to be said for not talking to other dps.

Ripping I also did retail therapy today, had dd 2yrs with me. She spotted a peppa pig t-shirt "oh mummy, I like peppa pig!" I was getting her some bits so I handed it to her while I was looking at some shorts. I turned around, she'd taken off her top and was putting the peppa pig t-shirt on. There was bloody murder when I took it off her and put her own top back on, two dummies were fired and lost. Luckily a woman came past with a baby and peppa was forgotten blush

flowwithit Thu 04-Jul-13 14:46:04

My son has ASD dx so I know what you mean and its stressful and frustrating. I was pleased to be out of primary school and the chat at the gates fair sports day etc. I think we all get like this sometimes so your feelings are normal.
Trying to get SA and NHS sorted is even more complicated slow and inefficient. Not to mention the worries day to day and about the future.
It sounds like you need a rest/time out/more support if that's at all possible smilejust make an excuse if you don't want to socialise with school mums they will soon stop asking and get the message. Try to see your own real friends though. Summer holidays will give you a break from it for a while.

Ifcatshadthumbs Thu 04-Jul-13 14:52:11

I think you must be me (and I think you have my DH too). I'm having a right old pity party this week and have no intention of snapping out of it until the weekend. I even went back to bed this morning after school drop off so I could wallow in comfortable misery.

frizzcat Thu 04-Jul-13 15:34:23

I have circled round the same mess for 20mins - I just can not be arsed

RippingYarns Thu 04-Jul-13 15:39:03

my house is a tip

i don't care

it'll still be there tomorrow

ouryve Thu 04-Jul-13 16:46:33

winewinewine (it is nearly 5 o'clock, after all!)

You're allowed to vent, you know. There's no need to apologise. Tiptoeing around with primary school age human TNT is bloody exhausting, epecially if you feel unsupported.

Sports day with loud music is my idea of torture. Sports day without loud music is painful enough.

ouryve Thu 04-Jul-13 16:49:02

I sometimes kick a path in everything and leave it on the floor all day. The first thing DS2 does when he gets home is tip it all out again, anyhow!

frizzcat Thu 04-Jul-13 16:58:55

I've given up - dc are over the moon as they're getting fish and chips

He did so well he enjoyed and coped so well - that's why I so annoyed at myself for not being happy

Ifcatshadthumbs Thu 04-Jul-13 21:06:18

Macdonalds for mine tonight! I never enjoy any event until it's over without incident and by then the moment has passed.

frizzcat Thu 04-Jul-13 21:37:06

It's such a shame not to enjoy these things
But actually, it's made me feel better to hear I'm not the only one, unless you have a child with an SN you just don't get it.

MovingForward0719 Fri 05-Jul-13 00:00:57

I hear you. My little mate is leaving his mainstream school in two weeks for special school. Apart from all the positive things for him, the best part for me will be not having to stand there like a lemon in the playground with all those po-faced pillocks. To be fair, my eye contact is worse than his these days, but I am still teaumatised from the year that was foundation. Rant away.

MovingForward0719 Fri 05-Jul-13 00:01:18

Traumatised!

frizzcat Fri 05-Jul-13 00:10:15

Foundation - is that reception? Yes reception was fairly shite for us too
Hope your ds loves his new school - and there aren't any judgy knickers there

Ifcatshadthumbs Fri 05-Jul-13 09:06:50

I have to confess I kept him off school for his reception nativity, couldn't face the "fear"

jocook Sat 06-Jul-13 07:32:01

Your rant has made my morning!!!! I feel exactly the same about all types of public outing. My gorgeous girl (4.5, ASD) doesn't start school (Infant assessment class within MS) til September so got all the school based horrors to come. But you are so right...unless your the parent and the responsibility of sorting out the meltdown is yours, you just don't get it!!! I push us as a family to do things all the time but sometimes the energy just leaves you doesn't it. We went to pub for lunch last sunday and had to pay full adult price for DDs meal though I knew fine well she would eat 3 carrots and half a yorkie.....she just wanted to stand dancing in the middle of the thoroughfare by the end of the meal I hadn't tasted a thing and was borderline tears for the rest of the day......and half the next week thinking about it!!!! ; )

BlackeyedSusan Sat 06-Jul-13 14:33:27

passes ripping yarns 2 carefully sharpened carring carrots per patronising participant, plus a wooden mallet.

insert one carrot in each patronising nose and ram them home with a mallet.

there will follow a short intermissiopn while i let loose a series of swear words about patronising gits and school.

BlackeyedSusan Sat 06-Jul-13 22:31:08

how are you doing?
hope your weekend went well.

frizzcat Sat 06-Jul-13 22:51:01

The weekend has been smoother - I started to feel better on Friday, I think because I got it all out and then you lot rolled in like cavalry - thanks so much flowers

Took myself off to the hairdressers this morning for 3hrs - played loud music on my iPod, and read trashy magazines, which was bliss.

Sometimes you just need someone to hold you up and push you forward, but I think a lot of us on here are the drivers of getting support for our dc that all the other people around us just sit back and let us crack on - well everyone around me has been reminded this week, that I need help too! Lots of sheepish walking on eggshells, them not me! grin

BlackeyedSusan Sat 06-Jul-13 23:25:45

grin

glad you got time to recover a bit. take the next week or so easy too otherwise you might end up back where you started.

Badvoc Sun 07-Jul-13 13:51:05

You know what?
I think (and my friend who has been through similar agrees) that I am suffering frm PTSD.
It's been such a hard road with ds1 and he is doing so well...enjoyed his induction days at high school, and is happy.
So...why aren't I? sad

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