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thank you for being helpful supoprtive understanding and non-judgemental...

(14 Posts)
TICKLETUMBLE Tue 21-May-13 15:31:34

Starlight I saw your posts on my now foolishly asked question on Education. You make me laugh. grin

TICKLETUMBLE Tue 21-May-13 15:02:24

Starlight - no in general sanctions and reward sytems do not work as desired for DS.

Ds has not yet learnt how to link his action with either a positive or negative consequence for future reference... the forethought before actiing, determining potential consequences and generalising learning to other situations is what is missing there...and so DS doesnt modify behaviour accordingly.Heis too busy reacting to anxious confusion, sensory overload and unfathomable children that dont respond to him how he wants them to.

Makes for a pretty challenging child to manage in the classroom I would imagine.

Introducing the punitive golden time system (which is what I had canvassed opinion on and got shot down as a fluffy bunny being weak and useless at parentling) is something that will mean DS is likey to fail and it is unkind at best. In fact it is likley to cause more unwanted behaviour (as evidenced from yesterdays disaster)...but at least everyone else can be happy their got their golden time for being model NT pupils.

Bitter, much?

BeeMom Tue 21-May-13 14:15:48

TICKLETUMBLE I only post here for that exact reason. I once posted on Children's Health - since Bee's challenges are just as health related as developmental/SEN/neurological (maybe more so) but I felt like I was being told unless my child was ill but otherwise "normal" I was not welcome.

I guess once health challenges become chronic, they are not worthy?

However, the parents on MNSN are exceptional - I don't post often, mostly because I can't effectively put what I need to say into words, and I can't offer help with the logistical side of education as I don't live in the UK, but I read every day (several times).

I hate the whole 'SN Children excepted' which usually means 'la la la, fingers in ears, please don't make me acknowledge children with SN' instead of a truly considered inclusion comment.

YOu also need to ask if the sanctions work?

I went to a thingy at Treehouse, and they were quite clear that most of the reports of the children that arrive show very blatent rewarding for unwanted behaviour and very little rewarding for the wanted behaviour.

Often the sanctions were rewarding, or just not delivered in a way that had any meaning for the child meaning the child just felt picked on and humiliated, rather than reminded of how to behave.

TICKLETUMBLE Tue 21-May-13 13:45:56

I totally agree. Where possible and appropriate he gets the same sanctions as anyone else. They already have punitive santions in place for breaking rules and not meeting the behaviour code, which DS is very familiar with!!! sad. They dont need more sanctions really.
Oh well, just have to suck it up and hope he learns to deal with it....or they learn to get used to the meltdowns...

The detail isn't relevant really, its more a comment about how swiftly really quite cutting remarks and insinuations start to fly around and you feel much worse for asking than if you'd just stewed on it by yourself. I shied away from stating DS was SN as that is usuallly a red rag, I just wanted to see what measured responses there were from those not taking into account sn really. Perhaps I was being over ambitious .

[hmmm]

OH well, never mind eh? Onwards and upwards.

GoblinGranny Tue 21-May-13 11:58:50

Oh no, the cake is for sharing. We do sharing and non-judgemental and thinking-outside-the-box rather well here.
Just looked at the thread in question (I've hidden Primary Ed and I'm a lot happier for it)
Just make sure that any 'bad behaviour' that loses your DS Golden Time is nothing to do with his needs not being met in the classroom.
So if he's breaking a rule, messing about or forgotten his PE kit, that's on a par with others.
If he's in trouble because of misunderstanding, or a trigger, then that isn't bad behaviour.

TICKLETUMBLE Tue 21-May-13 11:50:18

Goblin, please have lots of cake...my blinkers have been removed and I feel happy and content that the full gammut of possibiliies are represented here!!

TICKLETUMBLE Tue 21-May-13 11:48:35

In fact, sod it. Who cares if IABU???

Gotta fight for what is right for own DS . End of...

GoblinGranny Tue 21-May-13 11:41:25

And, and, and....
Some of us have children with SN, NT children and are teachers too!
Hat-trick deserves cake.

www.ellavalentine.co.uk/images/vintage/~lg-750x750/~lg-TripleLayerChocCake-2.jpg

But yes. Sometimes asking questions on the main boards can be spectacularly unhelpful. Here is far more constructive and welcoming. grin

TICKLETUMBLE Tue 21-May-13 11:35:39

oh yeah.........of course!!
I'll stop fretting that I'm missing the bigger picture with my SN tinted glasses on.

Once again helpful, supportive and useful response.

Thank you zzzzz. grin

zzzzz Tue 21-May-13 11:33:22

I like it here too though grin

zzzzz Tue 21-May-13 11:33:04

<whispers lots of us have nt children too, so you ARE canvassing nt parents>

TICKLETUMBLE Tue 21-May-13 11:30:16

I canassed opinion on the education thread.....wished I had not bothered.
I have no words for it really, its very sad that people can't be respectful. What I got is in no way the worst I have seen in scathing , judgemental or accusatory responses, but enough to dissuade me from posting there ever again.

The Special Needs threads have people who respond with so much understanding and are supportive and non-judgemental....even if you disagree, you do it a respectful way, try and see other's point of view etc.

Thank you all.

I clearly belong nowhere but here and cannot be doing with the other areas at all. What a shame, because having some balance of what NT parents feel could be quite useful.

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