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Neighbours

(17 Posts)
marjproops Mon 20-May-13 20:35:36

autumn LET them complain, it m.ight be the best thing for you so you can explain why your dcs make the noise, and then they ma..y rehouse you properly.

marjproops Mon 20-May-13 20:33:16

oh my gosh I could have written all these po.sts!

I cant afford to buy , hve to rent, been years, DCs 12 and weve had to move 14 times because of neighbours complaining about the noise she makes and her meltdowns. even though ive explained to them, but its hard to keep an autistic child quiet no matter how hard you try.

ive had to complain about THEM for disability discrimination (the only reason they eventually stopped complaining but we stil had to move).

now were in a council house, still a semi ans new neighbours have moved in and are diying, loud loud LOUD door slamming, tv on loud, talking loud all throught he night then complaing during day about DCS noise, ive been to soc services, gp, EVRYWHERE about it to get us somewhere detatched (long shot I know with council houses) and all the council do is offer us FLATS in noisy estates, mid terraced, etc etc. they just wont take us seriously, and we end up being targeted ALL the bloody time.

not poor dcs fault.

also been trying to get a grant or something to at least put soundproofing in but well have to move again....really a good thing for a child with disabilities to be moved about so much and not able to settle....huh.

OP, stay where you are, wish so much we could live in a cottage in the middle of the countryside.

used2bthin Sun 19-May-13 21:31:31

We are in a complex with a flat where the loft should be if that makes sense. We are on the end so only have two neighbours, one above and one next door. I really feel conscious of the noise, especially at night but that's more because baby dd2 is a bad sleeper.

Used to live in a ground floor apartment but our neighbours there were a social worker who used the flat as a week day base while she worked. This intimidated me a bit as I was struggling with dd1 at the time and thought she must hear shouting but when I saw her and said sorry about all our noise, she said don't be silly I have three children and also am deaf! i felt very silly!

I dream of a detached place, really I do but I love where we live, people know and accept dd here so I feel ok taking her to the park etc. it's an expensive area sadly so detached will not happen here for us.

I actually think though, the flats I used to live in which were really new were very well sound proofed, I know not all new builds are like that but its worth thinking about.

I'm beginning to think there's something in the water. My old 'semi-attached' neighbour has a DD recently DXed AS, they used to think it was 'just' an eating disorder and behavioural issues when they lived next door, so my DS's noise was actually less than theirs. They have since gone on to have another DC with ASD. My 'new' neighbours who bought their house have a young DS who was born there with challenging behaviour who is under investigation. Again, my DS is quiet in comparison!

Trigglesx Sun 19-May-13 11:44:37

I suspect our neighbour (elderly gentleman) has a hearing deficit, as he has never complained about the awful noise from our DS2 (and DS3 if we're honest!).

I do know that they are aware of DS2's SNs, as we discussed it briefly with his wife a couple years ago (she just passed away before Christmas).

Our neighbour on the other side is a bit further from us, and the house on the other side of him is constantly revving motorcycles, so I think we're probably the least of his problems. grin

It can be tricky though. We do worry someone will misunderstand due to how loud he is, especially when he is screaming and having a meltdown, and ring police or SS or something.

autumnsmum Sun 19-May-13 07:31:02

We live in London and neighbours are a problem we have a ground floor flat which is temporary social housing .I have two dcs on the spectrum and the noise they make is terrible .We don't get on with the family upstairs and I constantly worry about being reported to social services.

cansu Sun 19-May-13 05:46:10

Wish I could coff33. Could do with knowing where all the autistic kids and their relatives live!

coff33pot Sun 19-May-13 00:58:21

Come to Cornwall grin grin
The house next door is still for sale LOL and I love noise we can have alternate days in whose turn it is to deafen the rest of the neighbors grin

If I could afford to move I would possibly away from any moving life form other than animals but it cant happen so I am rooting that one day I shall have a neighbor that can join the "family from hell" club grin

insanityscratching Sat 18-May-13 18:57:07

We're semi detached, our neighbour is deaf grin ds isn't noisy as such but the stimming he does round the clock as he sleeps very little involves jumping so we are grateful that she's deaf tbh

zzzzz Sat 18-May-13 18:25:10

We moved out of town too. It's been fabulous for ds.

Pouncer1 Sat 18-May-13 18:09:25

Exactly the same suitiation here a year ago. We used to live in a small town but I felt I wasn't letting my DD have the freedom to be quirky and do the noise she wanted to do.

We sold up and moved very rural...lots of work on the house to be done but DD now has her own field where she can run, do as much noise as she wants and be happy. Best thing we did.

NeedToMoan Sat 18-May-13 17:48:48

Depends on the neighbours I think. Our neighbours have two noisy kids who hang over the fence gawping at us in our garden lol but the good thing is they are laid back and don't seem to care that my little man is out there chanting lots of noisy nonsense!! All the local kids go to the same school and I think word is pretty much out now that he has autism (he's 5, recently diagnosed) so I tend to not worry about it. I felt more judged a few years ago when he had screaming meltdowns on a very regular basis. Maybe you could pre-empt with any new neighbours and explain up front about him.

PolterGoose Sat 18-May-13 15:04:37

It is really hard sad

On the one hand our children have as much right as any other to live fulfilling lives and be able to express themselves, but at the same time neighbour disputes, complaints and general awkwardness can make life very difficult indeed.

Depending on how well you tolerate noise yourself what about houses by railways, near a motorway, near a pub, the sort of houses that would put off anyone looking for peace and quiet? You might get a bargain by looking at those sort of properties.

This is probably sounding awful, it's not that I think any of us should hide away but neighbour problems can be life destroying so if you have a choice to minimise this then it is worth trying.

Hallybear79 Sat 18-May-13 14:59:18

Our neighbours have stopped talking to us now & i'm sure it's because of all the meltdowns they must hear & probably think we are awful parents to our DShmm

cansu Sat 18-May-13 14:35:59

It is so frustrating. I suppose this is the hidden side of having a disabled child. We can't plan holidays or days out as a family. Can't move house. I realise this is all a bit self pitying but am very fed up at the moment because of this. I also know that it would be awful if I felt I co
Don't let ds out in the garden because of neighbours complaining or judging us.

PolterGoose Sat 18-May-13 14:08:43

Tough decision. We've set if done the opposite. We were in a semi on a quiteish estate and have moved to a detached house on very edge of town.

My ds isn't noisy generally but his meltdowns are very loud and full of threats and swearing.

I felt completely trapped on the estate, NT children playing happily outside was heartbreaking as ds could neither want or be able to do that. Our garden was small so we relied on the car to escape. I was always worried about what neighbours could hear. The hustle and bustle and noise on the estate was also quite an assault on his senses (and mine)

Our current house is detached on a main road. We have neighbours, 2 houses back immediate into our garden and we have neighbours to one side over a drive. The road blocks out both our noise to others and the noise of others to us, both me and ds sleep better. Ds has access to countryside on our doorstep which is a massive bonus and a large garden. He has improved significantly since moving here.

This house is a wreck, but it is massively worth it for the improvements in ds and our general sanity. So, in my experience, I'd be really cautious about moving to an estate. But that's only my view, lots of people don't have a choice and I feel very lucky to have a choice. If we'd had a more limited budget if go for a tiny bungalow on a big plot and make use of garden buildings for extra space.

cansu Sat 18-May-13 13:55:02

Am looking for some thoughts about experiences with neighbours. Basically we currently live in countryside in rented house. Very few neighbours and v private. Want to move and buy a house but can't afford the cash needed for similarly isolated house. Am very scared of having issues with neighbours due to ds noise, meltdowns etc. ds very severely autistic is loud. He is loud when his happy and even louder when anxious or upset. Am looking at detached but still am worrying about being overlooked in garden. Am I being OTT? I should add have had a bad experince before when neighbours reported us to ss on basis on ds noise. Nothing happened and they accepted he was making noise due to his disability but I found it incredibly upsetting. What would you do? I kind of feel we are trapped by ds disability as so many normal decisions are impossie to make. Saw a house I quite liked and could afford today but it is on modern housing estate and am already stressing about ds shouting and screaming in garden.

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