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God what do I do with my poor DS?

(475 Posts)
inappropriatelyemployed Fri 03-May-13 15:45:31

He couldn't get to school at all today. He has only been going in for part of the day with me. He was wailing and crying about putting his uniform on and how he can't cope.

Where do we go from here? His third school. One period of HE already. School will do whatever they can but he can't cope and I worry I am damaging his mental health.

He finds it so hard to explain how he feels but he can';t cope with kids at school. We went to a special school to look around yesterday and he wouldn't look in the classes and got visibly stressed out at a glimpse of a child in a far off corridor.

What do you do?? CAMHS? HE? This can't go on.

inappropriatelyemployed Sat 11-May-13 10:17:27

justa - I am sorry your DS is struggling. I have flexi schooled for a period as well as HE and flexi school worked well.

zzzzz Sat 11-May-13 10:27:32

It helps a lot to realise that we haven't always outsourced educating children to schools. HE is no more odd than not having your shopping delivered or using ready meals or buying your clothes off the peg.

In fact a "tailored" education is a much more accurate description of what ds need. Oh Lord by son is bespoke! grin

I need to cook breakfast for the little princeling. I'm on a feed him up campaign.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sat 11-May-13 11:07:47

Here is the lesson I've just planned for your amusement smile

I have to be very careful that every lesson is freestanding and can be extended if necessary but must not depend on anything else we've done, because we have no firm timetable/curriculum. So I am using themes. They also have to be short, because he is in pain and so limited attention span.

POTATO PUZZLE

Here are some sentences which tell the story of the potato. But my computer seems to have malfunctioned, and there are some extra words in the story! Can you figure out what words are the right ones?

The people of Peru have been eating potatoes for thousands/dozens of years. In fact, bits of pottery/plastic found from 4000 years ago show the potato, and suggest that they also worshipped it. When the Spanish conquered/photographed Peru, they brought the potato back to Europe. But the potato was not immediately popular/peeled amongst Europeans. Many English preferred to eat/drink parsnips. Some Christians complained that the potato must be bad, because it was not in the Bible/ Beano. In Germany and France the people were hungry because they did not have enough wine/food but they still didn’t want to grow potatoes! In Germany, the Emperor had to send potatoes into the countryside accompanied by soldiers! The French people were also very suspicious/sleepy of the potato, so the king arranged for a field of potatoes to be planted in his palace grounds. Cleverly, he ordered his soldiers to pretend to guard it very carefully and keep it a secret. That meant EVERYONE wanted to know what these new potatoes/pillowcases were, and the French people stole potatoes from his palace and started to fight with them/grow their own. The potato was very popular in Ireland but then the Potato Famine occurred; this was a time of hunger/celebration when the potato harvest got diseased and no one could eat it. Because of this, many Irish people emigrated to Australia, Canada, the United States…and even New Zealand, in search of a better life/coffee cup.

dev9aug Sat 11-May-13 14:18:30

Star just out of interest, can you tell me who is doing ABA with a child who has CP, I will be interested to know what they are doing?

Oh, I thought it was you confused

Sorry.

ouryve Sat 11-May-13 15:19:49

Why is it seen as "normal" to put our dc with other dc of roughly the same age and expect them to all perform to the same level in the same way? When will that ever happen to them again?

Yes, extremely odd, really.

One of the SS's I visited had all of the primary school children in one room for a very loud music session. I mentioned that DS1 would never cope with that and they mention that they work on de-sensitisation so that children with sensory difficulties with such a grouping can join in. I stopped at questioning what for. Standing in a small room with 90 other people, making a lot of noise is not an essential skill for adult life.

Both of the SSs I visited had horribly echoey halls used for assemblies and dinners. Completely unsuitable and one of them was so bad I actually flinched as I walked in, and that was with us being the only people in there.

The indy school I visited took me into a lovely carpeted room with ornate windows and dark wood panelling which absorbed all the glare and echo and said they don't other with assemblies, but sometimes have small groups gather in there, if they need a bit of space for a meeting. Far more sensible, IMO.

DS1's current school doesn't insist he attends assemblies and when he does, he's often allowed to sit at the side with teachers, so he feel less crowded in and can make an easy escape if it gets too much.

dev9aug Sat 11-May-13 15:37:31

Oh, we are, I thought you knew someone else as well.

zzzzz Sat 11-May-13 16:28:02

justa that's a great activity. Short sharp bursts really suit some children.

ouryve Sat 11-May-13 16:47:12

I like your word choices, Justa. DS1 would deliberately get some wrong because it's funny, of course!

As an aside, some of the "comprehension" exercises done in schools test very little (and even less about understanding of the actual text), particularly with kids like ours who already have language difficulties of some sort. There's some good examples here - www.freelists.org/post/etni/Fw-nonsense-text-to-teach-reading-comprehension - many kids could just blindly answer the questions, correctly, not demonstrating that they understand anything, since the text is plainly nonsense. Justa's text tests comprehension much more deeply. I might just steal the idea!

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sat 11-May-13 20:51:04

Yes, what i'm hoping is that I can gradually increase the level of difficulty a bit.
but to be honest, if it just stays at this level, great. He's learning about an interesting topic and he will almost certainly giggle and try to get some stuff wrong like ouyye's son, but that giggling shows he gets it, doesn't it? Mostly I want him to cover interesting topics in a way that doesn't make his eyes glaze over.

ouryve Sat 11-May-13 23:36:21

I always take it as indicative of understanding when ds1 takes pleasure in wrong answersgrin

He found my massive Collins hachette French dictionary, earlier. Dh was somewhat dumbfounded by the "letters" e kept handing him, based on facts he had found.

He would be easy to HE in this respect. The barrier would be our collective sanity.

The senco mentioned to me that change of placement would be opposed on grounds that he is making progress. The boy makes progress, left to his own devices, ffs!

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sun 12-May-13 06:14:27

Yes. That is the problem, surely!

DS2 got extremely cross with me today when I tried to show him how "bottom" was not spelt "bottum." He said he was GOING to spell it that way. SO glad I'm not HEing him too!

zzzzz Sun 12-May-13 07:44:46

Ds1 gets entrenched with wrong spellings. I don't/won't engage with him about it. I just say "the correct way is xxxxxxx, but you can spell it that way if you like.". That sort of sticking your heels in is always a sign of stress in mine.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sun 12-May-13 07:49:10

YY, I think I will do the same in future.

Have you tried bigIQkids.com?
Very good spelling games (although it's a bugger to set yourself up as teacher and start a classroom, you need to watch the video). Very non-pressured. DS1 loves it. I am thinking of registering DS2 as well.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sun 12-May-13 07:49:51

(oh, and FREE)

zzzzz Sun 12-May-13 12:22:15

I will look thanks

MareeyaDolores Sun 12-May-13 19:23:38

Marking the bigIQ bit...

zzzzz Sun 12-May-13 20:50:33

This looks like promising fodder

http://www.superteacherworksheets.com/3rd-comprehension.html

justaboutalittlefrazzled Mon 13-May-13 00:39:15

Oh that looks good. How much does it cost?

I joined WondrousWorksheets for $5 for a year (twas a special, I think it is usually $13). similar stuff.

Badvoc Mon 13-May-13 08:12:26

Found the bbc did some good educational stuff....games, quizzes, worksheets etc (and if curse free)
We also used maths whizz for maths which was very good but can't remember how much that cost.

inappropriatelyemployed Mon 13-May-13 10:39:30

For older children, have you seen the Khan Academy

DS responds really well to the numeracy stuff on there which builds gently.

There was an article in the Guardian about it a while back.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Mon 13-May-13 11:07:58

That's a very good thought inappropriately, I knew of the Khan Academy but hadn't thought of it for maths. Might try

inappropriatelyemployed Mon 13-May-13 14:47:36

Mathletics do a HE reduction of about 40% too.

Also, in terms of social skills, has anyone tried watchign the Young Apprentice (or even the Apprentice if you vet for swear words!).

There are loads of really great social skills - good and bad - on display. Non verbal stuff, boasting, interrupting, listening

DS LOVES it grin and we talk about them throughout.

streakybacon Mon 13-May-13 16:29:57

We used Maths Whizz too when ds was younger, but I'm not sure if they still have a HE discount.

Conquer Maths is excellent too, and goes up to A level now. There's a huge discount available as well.

streakybacon Mon 13-May-13 16:35:19

I haven't seen The Apprentice IE but will give it a go for social skills. We use lots of tv and ds is quite good at working out other people's emotions, motives etc, but is still poor at identifying those things in himself sad.

For teens, have a look at Lie To Me - ds picked up loads from watching that.

Have you seen the Socially Speaking board game?

I made a lovely little card game for ds, where we had to roll a die and say different sentences in different tones of voice and volume. It was very effective smile.

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