Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Ignorant, insensitive bitch!

(23 Posts)
RinkyDinkyDoo Thu 11-Apr-13 15:09:53

DS 6years(ASD)and I had been to town, went in on train and he decided he wanted to come home on the bus. He had a lolly and was sat looking out of the window.
Half way through the journey the lady behind said "it's amazing what a lolly can do" so I laughed and agreed. She then said, "Is 'she' autistic?"
I said "yes,actually HE is".
"Oh I knew it from the minute he got on," was her smug reply.
Then she started talking, oh I so wish she'd sat and kept herself to herself.
She told me she knew alot about autism and "retardation," as her mum had been a sectretary to a paediatrician!!!!!!! She also knew a neighbours child when she was little who was "retarded" but would now be classed as autistic, that was back in the 60's. she went on to say how the girls' behaviours used to really scare her.
By now I was in a bit of shock that she was being so insensitive. She was commenting on DS's hair-quite long and blonde, and trying to talk to him. He wasn't looking at her, so she said "Can I touch him?" meaning a tap on the shoulder. I said no. She said "oh doesn't he like being touched, most don't"
I said no, just say his name. By now I was hoping her stop was coming up and that she would just fuck off.
Oh no, she went on about his hair, so I said he liked it long and hair cutting can be quite stressful, but he's got much better when it needs tidying up. I started to explain about some of his sensory issues,
"Oh, there was no need to tell me about that, when you said sensory I knew all about it. I know he would react differently to normal children if I lit a match next to him." What the actual fuck!!!!!!!
Anyway, more odd/twatty/insulting comments- "Oh he's so beautiful, at least he's got that going for him." "He gae me eye contact" i said yes, he's ok with that, " He can't be,autistics don't give eye contact"
Then thank goodness her stop came and her parting words to me- "Keep up the good work with him, well you have to, you have no choice"

I think at the time I was just trying to re-educate her on her stupidness, but after I wish I'd removed myself from her and told her to piss off.

We got to our destination, went supermarket shopping, came home, I phoned my Dad to tell him what happened. I burst into tears reliving and saying out loud her awful comments, I got angry with her and also with myself for not telling her to shut up.
Anyhow, over it now(theraputic typing) but just wish she realised how upset she made me today. and breathe.x

wasuup3000 Thu 11-Apr-13 15:17:37

Poor you - I have had that before now, some well meaning but totally annoying person going on about a gluten free diet and food colourants to boot!

That's that DM readers of that generation I think. It isn't about autism. It is about immigrants, benefit scroungers and most importantly changes to the bus shedule.

Please don't let it upset you.

It isn't just about autism.

RinkyDinkyDoo Thu 11-Apr-13 15:23:00

Yes, she thought she was welling meaning. I'm glad DS said "Hello Grandad" when she said hello to him. She looked bemused. So I did get an insult in, "He thinks you look like an old man as you have short grey hair, you know like a grandad does"grin

DiscoDonkey Thu 11-Apr-13 15:26:32

Oh god what a stupid cow, she probably spent the rest of the day patting herself on the head at how enlightened she is and how grateful you must be that a total stranger was so understanding.

DiscoDonkey Thu 11-Apr-13 15:27:19

Ha ha DS calls anyone over the age of 55 granny or grandad!

ouryve Thu 11-Apr-13 15:28:24

To put it kindly, she sounds rather er, unbalanced. Don't let it bother you, although I know that's hard when you've been subjected to so many inappropriate comments in one go.

coreny Thu 11-Apr-13 15:32:45

sounds like she was captivated by your beautiful ds smile

willowthecat Thu 11-Apr-13 15:33:17

Ha Ha - I had a similar experience when ds1 called an irritating teacher granny - I explained it was because he called all 'older looking' women granny. She sounds very stupid and very rude but you couldn't have predicted how bizarrely the 'conversation would go when it started so don't blame yourself for not pushing her off the bus.

zzzzz Thu 11-Apr-13 15:42:24

One of the Mums at school flinched when ds leant against her last term.

I'm so sorry you met a muggle, she sounds very hurtful, and poor ds having to hear all that crap. I cry about this kind of nonsense, but it is just nonsense. Please try and forget it and just love your lovely boy.

As for the granddad thing she should count herself lucky...

A very short man brought our food in the cafe the other day and got in a bit of tizz about whose drink was whose. Ds saw his struggle so decided to try and do more than just say "thanks". So in a loud carrying and very posh voice we said "THANK YOU LITTLE MAN" grin

frizzcat Thu 11-Apr-13 15:42:49

"These autistics" angry

Well the thing is with ignorant, thick arise wipes, is that they just keep talking and spouting stupidness from their sad mouths - how do you deal with that Grandad. Can I touch you to make sure you understand everything I say. I knew you were an ignorant, thick arse wipe, as soon as stepped on the bus and sat down minding my own business. ......

I might try this when I encounter morons. Well done Rinky for keeping your cool

RinkyDinkyDoo Thu 11-Apr-13 15:44:22

DS distinguishes between older men and women as "granny" or "grandad", so he defo thought she looked like a man.
Yes, I got the impression she was going to go off tell whoever would listen how she'd educated the mother of an "autistic" today.
You're right about not knowing how a conversation will go. A few weeks ago in supermarket an older woman started staring at DS as he was stimming,squeezing his cheeks and going heeeeee". I thought oh go on,say something I dare you, she did "Is she autistic?"
"Yes, HE is" - I know, it's a common mistake, he is beautifulgrin
and we had a lovely conversation about her 15year old great niece who is ASDand the school she attends. So you never do know.

sammythemummy Thu 11-Apr-13 15:45:50

I agree with Starlight especially old people can be pretty rude and fixed in their ways. I had this pensioner go on at me for having immigrant parents (It started off when I received a phone call whilst I was in the queue and he started moaning that we don't do this in this country confused).

Try to forget this horrid episode Rinky

Dinkysmummy Thu 11-Apr-13 17:19:03

I can't believe some people!

Put your feet up when DS is in bed and have a nice warm drink (or a cold one as long as its strong lol)

Pixel Thu 11-Apr-13 18:39:29

I was trapped with a woman similar to this when ds and I were waiting for dd to have her swimming lesson. She told me all about her disabled daughter who was in a wheelchair and then called her an 'effing little cow' and how moaned on about much work she was. She also mentioned that 'at least she wasn't Downs' and said 'I wouldn't want one of them downs'.
Then she said she knew all about autism because she used to work with special needs kids!!

I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to say 'thank goodness you don't any more, for their sake' but the other part was thinking 'Oh God, I just know she's going to be here every single week and she's not the sort I'd want to be on the wrong side of!'.

Luckily dd's swimming teacher then came to say that as she'd done so well with her lessons so far it might be time for a break so she could practice what she'd learnt and get her confidence up, so I got a reprieve. Phew!

WaitingForStatement Thu 11-Apr-13 19:55:02

Oh dear sounds like a Saturday morning with my mother. At least it was just one bus journey. My mum has actually made the Downs comment, along the lines of at least you can't tell with DS2 (he has ASD). I had a friend over today, well meaning woman but when I told her we had some friends from his class over, she said "oh was the mum okay with that"

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Thu 11-Apr-13 20:36:19

I made the mistake of talking to my toxic mother on the phone today. She went from extolling the virtues of MT to saying that maybe DS3's best friend at the SN Nursery he will go to next year (hopefully) might be "one of those mongoloid children"

I practically screamed at her...

You wouldn't know that she has had a DC with Aspergers for 22 years now...

She's not even that old FFS - she's not 50 till next month. angry

I don't know why I don't just ignore her calls all the time, instead of just some of it...

I was on the bus with my speech delayed son(ds3 age 4), we were having a conversation (I understand him, so do the family) and behind me two people started discussing him "woss wrong wiv him then - he's a bit loud" "I dunno I think he's retarded".
I didn't know what to say, I was shocked!

Ellenora5 Thu 11-Apr-13 23:02:58

Oh dear, you get people like this everywhere, I have learned to ingnore them now, I used to try and explain but it's really not worth it, I have had all sorts of remarks thrown at me and ds2, I've also had the unhelpful advise from someone who knows someone who has a distant realtive with autism.

One of my favourites was when we were in a shopping centre and ds had only just started walking up and downstairs without clinging on to me with one hand, the banisters with the other, I was encouraging him to just hold the banisters and take his time, I was standing beside him and this woman was trying to get past, a lot of huff and tut tut coming out of her, I said "oh we won't be long only a few steps to go" she made a comment about me being in her way and I said I have to stay beside him he is only getting the hang of stairs and is very nervous, she looked aghast, "how old the fu@k is he, he should be well able to use the stairs by now", I said he has dyspraxia and aspergers and unfortunately things don't come as easy to him as most other people, her response was unbelievable, " well use the fu@ckin lift in future", silly cow

Mind you a while later we were in a shop in the centre and ds said in his loudest asd voice, look look mum, there's that woman who told us to take the fu@kin lift in future, I smiled and said yes it son, that's her. She looked suitable mortified, I was thrilled.

Ooops sorry for waffling

RinkyDinkyDoo, hope you are ok, don't let it get to you, I think you handled it quite well, thank goodness we have here to rant and rave, your ds sounds a dote by the way

Dinkysmummy Thu 11-Apr-13 23:32:38

These people are indeed everywhere..

I just read my friends face book status, Security at lidl- she went in there and kids went and sat on the table, security woman told them to get off, her Dds did but Non verbal ASD DS didn't and tapped her as he always does she grabbed him by his arm pulled him off. She ran over told her to get off him and that he is severly autistic! Her reply "I don't care what he is!" security had gone off then reappeared and said to the cashier "autism is just a name!" shock

Dinky gets looks and mutter all the time (Undx ASD/PDA), I don't know if strangers butting their noses in are worse or other mums on the playground who say stuff about sn kids either knowing we can hear them, or them thinking that we can't...

I hope you feel better now Rinkydinkydoo, hopefully you won't bump into her again...
wine

RinkyDinkyDoo Fri 12-Apr-13 08:23:11

Thanks for all your replies and support. Defo feeling better about it now.x

rabbitstew Fri 12-Apr-13 08:47:04

She sounds like she has a mental health problem.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now