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joining in with other kids

(8 Posts)
PolterGooseLaidAChocolateEgg Tue 26-Mar-13 17:16:32

Also, in the situation with the cousins, you can make ground rules that if he doesn't want to play he doesn't have to but that you adults needs some 'grown up time' so he will have to sit and read or whatever separate to adults.

paranoid2 Tue 26-Mar-13 17:04:55

You are right. He gets piles of it at school and I think he finds it tiring at times. I will try and chill. I do most of the time as I'm not faced with the issue often given that we don't socialise as a family with others much.

PolterGooseLaidAChocolateEgg Tue 26-Mar-13 16:45:57

My ds is nearly 10, and has AS, he mostly is only interested in other children insofar as they serve his needs, either as an audience or to be parts in a game of his devising or to amuse each other. He is strangely popular and other children seem drawn to him but he is very aloof and mostly ignores advances from his peers. He is quite happy alone and finds other children quite exhausting. I'm quite antisocial anyway so don't make him do social stuff unless he chooses to, the social contact at school is enough for him and he has opportunities to learn through all the group and pairs work they do in class. A 'boys group' has been set up as a means to develop his social skills at school and his TA works on surreptitious social skills stuff during one maths lesson a week!

I suspect it is a lot harder to come to terms with a child who does not seek social contact when you yourself are a social person who benefits from social contact confused

paranoid2 Tue 26-Mar-13 16:21:11

Thanks. Dt2 is quite happy too, he sometimes says he wishes he had someone to share his interests but mostly thinks his peers conversations are boring and silly.
I worry that his endearing and cute qualities which make his popular with adults will lessen as he grows older and he won't have anyone at all and I feel I should be doing more to teach him ways to develop his social skills. however as you say his peers won't stay the way they are forever as they mature and become more tolerant so hopefully he will find his niche.

The social skills group sound good. There are none around here for his age group. They are either for teens or for younger children but the teenage years are fast approaching!

troutsprout Tue 26-Mar-13 14:39:11

Yes... Ellen makes a good point too. WE feel they're are missing out dont we? ... This is an nt response I think.. But ds is perfectly happy.
I once asked him why he didn't talk more to the children in his class and he said " they only talk about music or girls/ boys and the conversation is unintelligent"
hmm
Maybe it's best he not share that one

troutsprout Tue 26-Mar-13 14:34:44

Ds rarely joins in with any banter with peers. He rarely speaks to them at all i imagine. He is In a group ( at school) but on the periphery iykwim. The group at school are all what I would call ' quirky' boys smile. They all seem very accepting.
He is good with adults he knows well... Quite entertaining at times in fact.
The only time I do see him at ease and animated with same age kids is at the Aspergers social skills group he attends. He's known them since he was 8 ( he's 15 now) and they all have very similar 'specialist' interests ( lol) so they bounce off each other well.
Sometimes I do prepare him for a social situation...Tell him what is expected of him/ what is the least he can get away with.
But generally .. I let it go and figure if he's comfortable he'll do it

I have to say that my 13yo DS2 who has an ASD DX has drifted away from his peers. He used to join in much more in infants and lower juniors, but he's now happy on his own. I make him go to scouts and he goes to a learning skills club each lunchtime but he would never choose to join in with his peers. I'm sorry for him, feel he's missing out, but he is quite happy. I think teenage years can be very difficult for those with HFA or AS. Their peers move on so much socially that they are left behind.

I feel lucky that my DS doesn't actually want to be like his peers and is happy as he is. Those who desperately want to have friends but don't know how find life much harder. Perhaps your DS will come into his own as an adult? Adults are much less unpredictable and often more tolerant.

paranoid2 Tue 26-Mar-13 14:06:16

DT2 aged 11 who has a diagnosis of Aspergers is reluctant to join with with other kids of the same age and prefers to sit with adults and talk with them if given the chance, particularly if there are team sports involved or lots of “banter” like talk that typical 11 year olds are into
When he was younger he would have joined in for a while and then given up but these days he seems to make up his mind that this isn’t his thing and that he is different to the other boys and has different interests.
Just wondering how much you do to try and persuade your DC’s to join in. I have tried the “ Its important to be interested in others because they will then be interested in you/ Its polite to do it etc etc but its becoming more difficult as he is getting more aware of his differences. Its almost that knowing he has a diagnosis has given him a chance to get out of things and he uses it as an excuse . He was only diagnosed last year . I have said things like “ Do it for a while, say half an hour” but then he keeps checking his watch and wandering around, not really joining in and it all seems like torture for everyone and I wonder about the benefits of it all
We are going away at Easter where the Dts will meet their 2 cousins of the same age and I know that the other 3 will be tearing around the place and DT1 will be hanging around us adults .
I have seen other friends children with AS who in some cases have more needs that DT2 but who seem more keen to participate with other children even if they don’t actually communicate very effectively . I know they are all different but what do you do if you have similar DC’s .
He appears to work well with other children at school and shares his interests with some kids

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