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My DS is driving me insane - I have lost all patience

(15 Posts)
Hallybear79 Tue 26-Mar-13 09:08:28

We all have days when we feel like this. I've just got home from dropping DS & sobbed. All I've done is have a go at him & shout this morning which has upset him & I feel like a useless mother who should know better.sad

Ineedmorepatience Tue 26-Mar-13 08:09:54

grin

PolterGooseLaidAChocolateEgg Tue 26-Mar-13 08:08:42

Hi Plus3 we had a similar story at bedtime issue. Dp does story and was insisting ds sit 'nicely' in bed to listen. Unfortunately ds cannot do that so eventually dp accepted that if ds is moving around the room, fidgeting (with quiet things) and seemingly not listening, actually he is. Because of his sensory problems he needs to move to concentrate, and because of his AS he doesn't feel a need to look at whoever is speaking.

So, I suppose what I'm saying is that if he is on the spectrum you won't get the same 'feedback' and signals of concentration that you might expect from an NT child or adult.

In terms of getting attention, we were advised to always allow 6 seconds between asking something or trying to attract attention and expecting a response. Teacher needs to say ds's name clearly and wait, once he has indicated he has heard then she should make her request simply and clearly. It does often feel like speaking to a dog, "ds... Socks and shoes" "ds... Wee and wand hands" "ds... Kind hands" and so on, I've had funny looks when a friend with an NT child visits and I speak to their child the same grin

Plus3 Mon 25-Mar-13 22:20:12

Thank you (great name btw! smile)

Ineedmorepatience Mon 25-Mar-13 22:12:49

How difficult for him and for you sad
A teacher who gets it can make such a difference. Dd3 had a great one last year and part of the year before but she is not doing so well in literacy and numeracy at the moment because the teacher she has doesnt know much about Asd and seems to be struggling to get her.

Do you keep a diary of his issues? I would recommend it. Record any incidents of unusual behaviour, what causes them (if you know) and how you deal with it.

This will help the proffs to understand more about your Ds and how best to help him.

Good lucksmile

Plus3 Mon 25-Mar-13 21:53:26

He is on SA+ they are just about following the recommendations from the EdPsy, but he is struggling with processing (I think) play times continue to be difficult & and I think that his teacher is giving him a bit of a hard time - she never seems to believe his versions of events, won't tell him again if she thinks he wasn't listening etc.

Plus3 Mon 25-Mar-13 21:49:46

I just ended up pleading with him - wtf? Then he said 'all I want is for you to read me a story' so that is why I am shit.

Anyway, I read it, we hugged. He has gone to sleep, I am drinking wine.

Ineedmorepatience Mon 25-Mar-13 21:46:53

Ok, if he is 9 then that might explain why he is such hard work.

It gets much harder for children with sn's to cope at school as they get further up the school.

If he is struggling at school he might be kicking off at home because he is stressed.

It is especially hard with no clear diagnosis. What kind of support is he getting at school?

dietstartstmoz Mon 25-Mar-13 21:39:45

Plus3-you are not a shit parent. Ds2 has HFA and is a joy, but he is bloody annoying but i also need to remind myself that he is 5, and most 5 yr olds are annoying. DS1 is aged 8 and nt, he is such a good boy but again annoying-like all kids. Sometimes with DS2 the issues-sensory, speech, understanding, behaviour seem overwhelming and just too much some says. Dont beat yourself up. I'm sure, like the rest of us you do a great job in difficult circumstances. Keep talking on mn.

Plus3 Mon 25-Mar-13 21:30:43

We just had a huge head to head about going to bed - I said I wasn't going to read stores unless he was in bed ready for them, he got all oppositional (when all he really wanted was the story)

We are in the process of eliminating things, rather than discovering what's wrong. School thinks he had ADHD, Dr thinks a social communication disorder, but he also has sensory issues so I wonder if we are not going to end up with an Aspergers/HFA diagnosis.

He is 9 & I love him absolutely - it's all so bloody depressing at the moment.

And I don't think any of you are shit parents btw - I lurk on this board so much & am constantly blown away by the amount you are doing for your DC

clare40 Mon 25-Mar-13 21:04:15

I'm shit parent too!!

I get so irritated at tigger (my ds) who bounces, jumps and shouts CONSTANTLY!!!!! I mean its all the time.....calm time?! What is that?!

UnChartered Mon 25-Mar-13 20:57:43

my name is UnChartered and i'm a shit parent too

DD has been stimming almost constantly since last thursday - a not-quite-intune-nondescript-not loud enough to hear-not quiet enough to ignore hum

it has driven me batty so much that i got the vacuum cleaner out because i knew she'd hide upstairs as i used it

Ineedmorepatience Mon 25-Mar-13 20:51:00

Hi plus I am sorry but I dont know your back story. It sounds like you are having a tough timesad

For what it worth, I dont think you would be on here worrying if you were a shit parent!

I cant really advise you about reducing his noise levels (Dd3 makes continuous noise too) but for not listening try saying his name, pausing and then giving the instruction.
Keep instructions short and snappy eg, Ds.....shoes on.

Try to get a break if you can or even try headphones with your favourite music for a bit of peace(for you not him)

Good luck

dietstartstmoz Mon 25-Mar-13 20:47:07

Plus3-hey i'm a shit parent too! I have started the supernanny thread today. Ds2 drives me insane and i have limited patience with him and poor ds1. Then i feel guilty, but he is bloody annoying.
Or to put it another way-we do the best we can in difficult circumstances. And we love them even if they drive us mad.

Plus3 Mon 25-Mar-13 20:37:10

sad I am trying so hard to do everything right, and support him but by god he is irritating the hell out of me the past few days.

Which is terrible - he knows I am annoyed (I think) but doesn't really know why, or what has changed. The constant not listening, herding to do stuff - loud screechy voice, instant babbling of nonsense.....

I am a shit parent.

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