Toilet training question

[salondon]

My daughter is 3.5 y, non verbal, GDD and asd too. Not toilet trained and hasnt shown much awareness either. During Xmas break, I sat her on the potty, rewarded her with songs on iPad/phone and she'd sit for 15-20 mins and wee/poo.

This went on for 2 months. It was almost like I was training myself to catch her. I still continued assuming she'll understand that ones she wees/poos, she can get up.

In the last 2-3 weeks, she has developed this habit of not sitting still. Constantly changing positions - and now doesn't sit on the potty at all.

What would you do? Should I stop potty training since it making her hate it. OT continue? She is off of songs now a days so there is no way to make be sit on the potty anymore.

[salondon]

Lots of typos. OT continue = or continue
Ones = once

[chocjunkie]

tbh, she does not sound ready.

i think I would give her (and yourself) a break.

[TapselteerieO]

I would stop too, warm weather (holidays?) , lots of preparation. It feels like a long time since I did this with ds, he was dry at night long before we cracked potty training.

Not sure what the advice is now but in the weeks before I would make a big deal about showing you need to go to the loo - see if close family/your OH/your Mum/siblings are willing to do this too - encourage your dd to come with you. Make sure you have a stash of strong reinforcer/rewards they must be instant and on a shelf/visible but out of reach. Ds was a huge fan of wall.e when we were starting so we bought fab walle toys and had choc stars too for instant rewards plus stuff from Hawkins bazaar that were available only for potty time - the potty means prizes. I would try and get your dd to go to the loo with you and do a running commentary on what you are doing (dignity and privacy disappear when giving birth, you will get it back one day!)

I don't know much about social stories but they might work. Books about potty traing, talking about getting rid of nappies, poo going to pooland ( we tried that) . Maybe keeping a diary to see when you need to change a nappy, use it as a prompt to go to the loo when you stop using nappies, try and watch to see if they show signs of needing before going, maybe comment if you see the signs of peeing/ pooing- positive quiet remark to make them aware of the motion/physical act.

Be prepared, try to make sure you have people to support you, if your OH can get time off for a few days, to shop, keep up with other everyday stuff that will help! Don't go out for the first four days, other than the garden, keep the potty/potties close. Be relaxed and positive. The tiniest success should result in you giving your child amazing rewards to start with. If after a week/two weeks you can't keep going stop for at least a week, maybe more, then start again - it does get easier ime. It can be soul destroying, even with an nt child, so be kind to yourself!

It has been a while, but the memory of going through it is pretty strong, my ds refused to pee for 24 hours one time (with or without a nappy - I do think cold turkey is best but not always possible) and would hold a poo for days, was on different medication for 6-8 months, maybe longer - he wasn't having accidents because he just wouldn't go.

After the first four days I would try to have life as normal, so your dd gets used to being out and about for a short while - with change of clothes and being ready psychologically for an accident, try and be calm whatever happens.

Have some rewards for getting through the day for yourself too, a nice drink, some chocolate, something to look forward too.

Good luck, hope it is easier for you than it is for so many people!

[MummytoMog]

I would stop for a bit. DD had three attempts at potty training before cracking it (having said that, she weed on the floor twice yesterday and then pooed in her pants so less of the back patting for me) and she was definitely up for it the final time and not the previous two. Have you got the Avakid app? It drives me nuts because DD and DS want to follow it second by second, but it did give DD an idea of what we expected her to do on the potty.

[CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs]

I managed to potty train DS2 while he was still totally non-verbal, at 2y7mo. but it was using huge elements of elimination communication. As in looking at when he started to jiggle around, and he pulled a certain face when he needed a wee, so I stuck him on the potty then. I started noticing these signs when he was around 2yo, and started trying when he was 2y5mo.

DS3 on the other hand...well, 2y2m and there's still no sign that he has any awareness of when he has weed, let alone while he's weeing or when he's about to wee. No faces, no jiggles, no nothing. It's like he has no awareness of it at all.

And when he wees with his nappy off, he's scared by the wee!

DS3 isn't totally non-verbal, he has around 20 single words or sounds that mean something now. But none are connected with potty training.

I know he isn't ready, but it worries me that he has no awareness at all.

They do all potty train at their own speed though - DD was out of nappies in the day at 3y6mo (because back then, Nurseries COULD refuse to take them in nappies) but wasn't fully dry during the day until she was over 8yo. She wasn't dry at night until 12y7mo.

DS1 was ready at 18mo - but I put it off for a bit as I was 8months pg at that point and couldn't help him on and off the potty, but he took his nappy off when he was 21mo, and has never had an accident, day or night, EVER.

DS2 was dry at 2y7mo, despite being non-mobile and non-verbal. Still baffles me how I managed that! He was dry before he could walk or talk...spiky profile much?!

DS3, 2y2m and showing NO signs of readiness.

He'll get there in the end, I'm sure...

[ouryve]

Seconding the advice to stop. If she's not ready then tring to push her into it can increase her anxiety around toileting. It's hard, but accept that she now knows what's physically involved for when she is ready. And when the time comes, I'd suggest getting a special loo seat and step and training her to use the toilet itself, then you don't introduce the potential problem of inability to generalise when it's time to move to the grown up toilet.

DS1 was able to produce the goods, so to speak, when he was 2, but didn't become fully clean and dry until he was almost 8, because there were so many other things that he needed to come to grips with, first.

[sickofsocalledexperts]

Must admit I would persevere but move it all to a loo seat, I could never get on with all the faff of potties. It took me a good 6 months to toilet train DS

[henryhsmum]

We got my son to toilet train at similar age by taking him to toilet every half hour at first . He wasn't showing any interest but he was dry within 3 to 6 months of that in daytime . Poos took ages, a good year more. HAve you considered skipping the potty and just using the toilet with a seat? Some children just won't use potties, that was the case with my son at lease

[henryhsmum]

My DS is still not dry at night at 7 but given his other difficulties it is not something I have worried about too much although now going up enuresis clinic

[salondon]

sickof - How would you proceed?

Also, she will wee/poo in her underwear, if I dont put a nappy.

[MummytoMog]

Have you tried stickers? I was totally sceptical about them, but DD got really excited by picking out a sticker and getting a high five for doing something in the potty.

[starfishmummy]

My first thoughts were maybe the potty is uncomfortable for her and to have a go on the toilet (with a toddler seat if she needs it)I have a 14 yo we are still trying to toilet train!!


For us it is really just a case of taking him at regular intervals and hoping he will gt the hang of it. He will ask for a wee and is usually fairly dry now, evebn overnight, and he will do a poo in the toilet, but still does them in his pad too.

[sammythemummy]

Quick Question Please

I started toilet training DD yesterday, she has massive receptive n expressive lang delays.
This is how it went down yesterday:
Morning she weed on herself in the kitchen (she goes in the kitchen to do her poos in her nappy when noone is there, dont know why). Me n her dad said "look wee" wee goes in there (showing her the toilet).

Two drinks later, two hours later and MANY trips to the toilet she weed in it, I praised her loads gave a bit of choc and she was happy. She flushed the toilet and said "bye wee".

A bit later I heard "mummy" , I went over and she stood by the loo pointing at her crotch area, I sat her down and she weed!

So i take this as shes aware when shes going? After that I sat her down a few times and she weed each time, however no poo all yesterday.

My question is, what do you do when youre outside? Put on pull ups and keep taking them to the toilet? Im scared that with all the excitement of playgroup she might forget/not want to go?

[salondon]

I am not at that stage Sammy. Can you/daddy keep her home with you all day for few days?

[sammythemummy]

We lept her at home for 4 days salondon but for my sanity I had to go out on the fifth day. But I must say that mini Sami has been absolutely brilliant, honestly I underestimate her a lot unfortunately (because of her speech) but shes picked it up really well. Its been a week today and comes to find me when she needs the loo, shes struggled with poos but has now mastered that as well!

Im chuffed to bits

[sammythemummy]

Hows your dd doing with toilet trainingsalondon?

[sammythemummy]

*kept not lept

[salondon]

Sammy - that is such good news. I am sure you are almost done.

We are still desensitising her. Our ABA consultant doesn't want me to force her to sit on the toilet till she is ready. So for now, she gets a Cheerio everytime she goes and sits on the covered seat after prompting.

It's a very long journey for us.