Thanks, I have parents evening after school so will definitely question it. I don't mind them doing it as its good to see them also picking up on it at school but like you say I should be told especially as I'm in every day talking about one thing or another.
It was the evidence that school collected that got my DS his statement. They even videoed him having one of his 'episodes' of non co-operation and defiance. DS was academically very able, fairly independent and has few/no sensory issues, so without the school's evidence, he would not have been. statemented.
I do think the school should have discussed what they were doing with you though, just to keep you in the loop.
Did you speak to his teacher or SENCO after reading this about DS?.
Re them trying to get him statemented, I would actually now consider making the request yourself. This is also because schools can sit on such apps for ages and not do anything. Also if the LEA turn down your request for statutory assessment you can appeal, school cannot do that.
IPSEA's website is good re the statementing process and there are model letters you can use:-