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How do you cope with 'daily mail' type ignorance.

(35 Posts)
popgoestheweezel Sat 16-Mar-13 08:00:23

Went out last night with a few friends and hangers on, some of whom know my situation and some don't (ds definitely has pda, just waiting for final assessment and diagnosis).
Conversation turns to a child who had done something to upset one person's dd at an after school activity. when the parent questioned this the adult in charge said 'oh, X has aspergers so he probably didn't understand what he has said to upset your dd, I will have a word with him'. The parent was indignant of that and said how she didn't care what was supposed to be wrong with him but she expected that he be made to apologise there and then. Nothing wrong with expecting an apology I know, but this then lead to almost everyone there saying that so many people get these labels for their child to excuse their bad parenting, get benefits, not have to take responsibility. Some children are just 'born bad' and they need 'sorting out'. I had remained quiet throughout this as I didn't want to get emotional but I contested the idea that anyone is born bad I said some children were born with difficulties in some areas. However, I was pretty much shouted down by what sounded like quotes from the daily mail of lazy parents who don't know how to set boundaries and tales of the consequences that they have used on their nt children and 'would work for any child'. I made my excuses and went home but it was a really depressing evening.

popgoestheweezel Sat 16-Mar-13 22:02:51

I have had a shit couple of days/weeks/months/years and ds is in such a bad place right now I just couldn't take on the ignorant comments last night. It was all I could do to sit round the table without bursting into tears quite frankly, if i'd have started speaking I would have just dissolved.

OmiQueenofTypose Sat 16-Mar-13 22:43:43

Well done, you, for just getting through it. Some people just have no idea, do they? And then we're the ones who feel miserable for ages afterwards.

I'm sorry you've had such a hard time of it recently. I hope you do have some (nicer) friends you can lean on. Although having said that I've hidden away from everyone in the past when things got too tough. Whatever you need to get you through, sometimes.

Shellywelly1973 Sat 16-Mar-13 23:06:58

This is one of the hardest aspects of having a child with SN.

I grew the thickest skin, but i struggle at times.

I generally just don't tolerate ignorant/stupid/annoying know it all people!

Thwarting hardest for me is family...Thats another thread!!

Take care&start growing a good thick skin-it helps.

Shellywelly1973 Sat 16-Mar-13 23:08:13

Thwarting? Bloody predicate text...its the not thwarting.

Ellenora5 Sun 17-Mar-13 00:42:38

I have come up against this attitude also, when my rhino hide finally developed I found my response was this....hmmm interesting, the professionals have told me different, what research have you done to back up your facts, I would love to read it.

Or else I give the two fingers if I'm in a really bad mood

coff33pot Sun 17-Mar-13 02:19:01

Sorry you had to bear that out. What a horrible lot.

I would no doubt handle it wrong as I have no patience when it comes to ignorance no matter who or how high lol

I would have to politely tell them that I came out for some decent chit chat and company and not listen to a pile of self opinionated crap rubbish.

Probably why I have no "friends" lol grin

bochead Sun 17-Mar-13 07:12:37

OP
I honestly think that now everyone is sober you need to let a couple of key members of the group KNOW that their ignorant comments based on nothing but predjudice upset you to the point that:-

a/ You had to leave the only normal adult social gathering you've been able to attend for a while.
b/ You no longer feel they are a group you can trust in any capacity due to their cruelty.
c/ That drink only removes the facade that masks a person's true character - what you saw behind the masks was ugly.

You should also point out that every day is a struggle for children with disabilities, & that innocent children should be able to rely on the basic humanity of the adults around them, and not have to overcome attitudes like you witnessed as they struggle through the numerous therapies that enable them to achive what most take for granted. It does no harm to call people out on their cruelty sometimes.

I can cope with the general public's daftness. It's when you cop it from the professionals who should darn well know better that it worries me. Now those are the daily fail believers I have ishoos with.

I get you can't fix stupid. It doesn't stop it hurting sometimes though. Wild horses wouldn't force me to socialise with those people a second time after that.

popgoestheweezel Sun 17-Mar-13 13:02:45

The one who was most vociferous isn't someone I would ever chose to socialise with anyway. But the comments from other people who I would have said were educated people made me realise just how ignorant the general population is.
If I had even one tiny scrap of energy within me I would set out to educate them but I just can't summon any up. I can't even do the things I have to do like reply to the email from ds' teacher (in which she informed us that he's been hitting himself at school) and tell her that ds is threatening to 'kick in the face and then kill' two children in his class because he believes they have been teasing him, that he has been screaming that school will have to change else he will never go back and that he just wants to be normal like everyone else. He is just falling apart before our eyes and we don't know how to help him sad

flowwithit Sun 17-Mar-13 13:57:40

Oh Pop I'm so sorry to read your last post. I think you just need to focus all your energy on getting help for your Ds it sounds like he is very vulnerable at the moment and in need of more support than he is getting from school etc. forget about their ignorance and carry on trying to get help for him. thanks

PolterGoose Sun 17-Mar-13 14:16:31

Oh pop sad

I hope you can summon the strength to deal with school, it is bloody hard.

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