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this is a bit rubbish of me, but i cant help it.

(53 Posts)
VicarInaTutu Mon 11-Mar-13 21:50:38

Ds isnt strictly speaking a child, he is 21, but due to his aspergers he acts about 15. He is in his 3rd year at uni, but this year he went to live in at uni....

End of last month was my birthday.
DH reminded him. i got no card. nothing. In the end DH bought me a card and made him sign it a week late.

yesterday was mothers day. Again DH and DD reminded him.
i got no card. i got a text at 9.30 last night saying happy mothers day.

i am resigned to this but it hurts. He has a girlfriend and when she was feeling "a bit down" he went on the train to see her with a bunch of flowers. He can clearly do it.

i am the first person he calls when he needs something.

he has tried to call me tonight, and i just cannot answer the phone to him. sad
i dont want to argue or have a go at him.
but i cant speak to him either. im hurt. he seems to think so very little of me and yet, im off work at min with depression for the first time in my life, and some of the reason for that was him and trying to juggle his needs and demands with a stressful and demanding full time full on job. i cracked. i couldnt do it.

he has text now asking why im ignoring him.
ive text back saying im not ignoring him but im not answering phone tonight.
which is true.
im not.

am i being silly about this? to feel hurt by this? if he was the same with everyone it wouldnt bother me, but its just his family, who are his biggest support and staunchest advocates, who he ignores.

he manages to consider everyone elses feeling except ours.
and its made me feel a bit sad.
and i just cant answer the phone.

VicarInaTutu Thu 14-Mar-13 21:54:45

i do have high expectations - just sometimes i forget his limitations.

he rang tonight. He was going to be home for a month over easter but has just said he needs to be at uni for one day a week even over the holidays - its a 2 1/2 hour round trip and if i do go back to work it means i wont be able to ferry him about.
he has said he will need to stay at uni.
ive got mixed feelings on that score - we get on way better when he isnt under my feet all day (and all night - he is totally nocturnal and does not know the meaning of the word "quiet" so i get quite stressed when he is home, and it would coincide with me going back to work so would add stress on top of stress....i cant get up at 5am when he is clattering around all night.
but i was looking forward to seeing him and i dont like the thought of him being alone in a studio flat for the whole holidays....

that said it does give me an opportunity to re do his bedroom. he has built in furniture that is way too large for the room so need to rip it all out, decorate and get him a new bed / desk. thats all he is getting in there - he just fills wardrobes with rubbish so i figure the less clutter the better....

PolterGoose Argentina Thu 14-Mar-13 22:07:01

Please, take the easy option, he will be fine in his flat, and could always come home for the gaps in between you working, he doesn't have to be home for the whole period.

VicarInaTutu Thu 14-Mar-13 23:00:57

yes - i think thats what i figure. Or if he doesnt come home we can go there and take him out for a meal, do his shopping, spend some time with him there.

he is fine on his own really - he chose to live alone and not flat share.

when we are there his attention span is limited. He drifts off to computer land mid way through visits anyway....and at home i dont even see him (only hear him!)

he can come home for a few days at a time. probably better for us and him anyway.

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