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Consequences for DC with PDA, and handling a current crisis

(102 Posts)
HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:21:34

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HotheadPaisan Tue 12-Mar-13 17:48:43

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ouryve Tue 12-Mar-13 17:34:10

Pffft. I found what I thought was that in my bookmarks but it was a dead link.

The joys of being back in the 21st century.

Yes, DS1 was predictably unimpressed to get home and find he couldn't use his computer at all. Even the giant cardboard box the postie had been good enough to deliver held no interest for him. The promise of having a go at gugl on my iPad helped him pull himself together. Pure novelty, though. Next week, he'll be straight into Plants V Zombies so he can feed all my chocolate to my snail at once.

HotheadPaisan Tue 12-Mar-13 11:39:30

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ouryve Tue 12-Mar-13 09:43:41

There's not an awful lot we can do without punishing ourselves, either.

We managed to get a reasonably calm weekend out of him for once because he was desperate for DH to update Lego Digital Designer for him. This meant he had to try very hard not to lose his rag with DS2 over how he plays with his leapster. It took 3 days for him to earn it, but he got there in the end.

We've always tried to offer him reasonable choices and tailor consequences to his interests and coping ability at the time. It's not easy.

I remember reading an article about ADHD which mentions being selectively deaf. It focuses on the same behaviours exhibited with PDA. I'll see if I can find it, later (my power could go off any minute for the rest of the day, so I'll not try, now!) I think a lot of it would be teaching grandma to suck eggs, and it's very American, but I did find it very encouraging when I read it.

HotheadPaisan Tue 12-Mar-13 07:24:32

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ouryve Mon 11-Mar-13 22:33:00

OK, so I'm late to this thread, but just a few thoughts based on current experience.

Consequences for DS1 might be seemingly small, but they're big to him. We make sure they're natural to the situation, too. His computer time after school is important to him. The other week, he deliberately trawled through every bit of sticky mud he could find on his way home. So he had to "help" me clean his shoes before he could use it. It was enough of an intrusion that he's not trailed through the mud since then. The amount of time he gets is tweaked according to his mood. Not less than an hour though. He's declared that as not worth having and it takes something pretty major, like sitting in the middle of the street and refusing to walk home or lurching from one screeching meltdown to another to have it completely curtailed.

School manage to cover lunch and break for both of the boys by making sure there's other TAs around in the gaps.

HotheadPaisan Sun 10-Mar-13 18:34:19

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magso Sun 10-Mar-13 17:52:59

Hopefully the school will use what happened to get more (appropriate) resources to support your son in unstructured time as well as class time. It sounds like social learning would be helpful so he has scripts to help him and give him confidence in the playground. Perhaps your child was sickening and short on skills as a result. When ever my son been restrained, ( with resulting major meltdown and distress) I think everyone involved has realised it was the wrong approach for my child. I find 'shepherding' works better especially once ds is distressed and beyond hearing. Hope it all calms down quickly but is a trigger for better support.

OneInEight Sun 10-Mar-13 15:59:55

For what its worth our area educational psychologist said that restraint should be an absolute last resort as it is likely to be perceived as traumatic (understatement) for the child and trigger a 'fight or flee' response.

HotheadPaisan Sun 10-Mar-13 13:53:25

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HotheadPaisan Sun 10-Mar-13 13:52:51

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MareeyaDolores Sun 10-Mar-13 10:27:57

The school is choosing to manage this badly. Almost every area has a behaviour support team they can call on. Most have an ASD team who can advise. They all have access to educational psychology.

The school is strapped for resources, this may be linked to the fact they are choosing not to use these services to help manage your son.

HotheadPaisan Sun 10-Mar-13 08:48:25

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HotheadPaisan Sun 10-Mar-13 08:47:07

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PolterGoose Sun 10-Mar-13 08:44:08

They do, but ideally school staff need to recognise when your ds is on edge and take action then, easier said than done I know, but they need to be proactive, so if his LSA can see he is anxious he probably shouldn't be sent straight out to the playground.

justaboutalittlefrazzled Sun 10-Mar-13 08:43:42

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HotheadPaisan Sun 10-Mar-13 07:50:46

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PolterGoose Sat 09-Mar-13 19:58:24

Mareeya grin

I just remember going through similar with ds.

<grabs poker>

MareeyaDolores Sat 09-Mar-13 19:53:43

<mareeya resists very strong urge to organise vigilante posse
armed with sharp sticks to poke in various eyes>

popgoestheweezel Sat 09-Mar-13 18:57:11

You are right to feel angry but just make sure you don't let your emotions undermine you. That's why I feel letter writing is so useful in situations like this. In your shoes, I would write a letter tonight, avoid thinking about it at all tomorrow until the evening when you can read it objectively and edit accordingly, then take into school office first thing Monday morning.

PolterGoose Sat 09-Mar-13 18:46:49

And to borrow from another MNer

You are your child's best, and only, advocate

PolterGoose Sat 09-Mar-13 18:45:31

You have every right to be angry. TBH the biggest problems I have had with ds's school is teacher arrogance.

I'm also very aware that my dealings with school are clouded and hindered as a result of my own experience of school, which was not good. I've tried really hard to overcome the wobbly incoherent mess that I become in some situations, including school.

It is time to tell them what to do.

magso Sat 09-Mar-13 18:45:27

I agree. Pop has summed it up well. This has gone from an isolated but serious (because of the potential for eye injury) to a huge incident because of the use of un warranted force by the adults (on your child) and the panic that caused. Effectively there are two incidents - the ?deliberate poking and injury - and the subsequent use of adult force, causing primal panic presumably beyond the control of the child. It is right to have a suitable consequence with learning for the first (missing rest of play, apology assuming eye injury was not the intention) but the latter needs a different mindset.
The restraint method used here is the approach method and that does require 2 adults. Each time this has been used on my (now older) child it has caused days of upset and a need for time at home.

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 18:40:04

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popgoestheweezel Sat 09-Mar-13 18:39:34

I think they haven't got a clue. You need to let them know in writing how you see it and keep referring to their legal responsibilities. Is every child matters is still current? Refer to that and the sencop. They are totally letting him down by using the possible worst management techniques.

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