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Consequences for DC with PDA, and handling a current crisis

(102 Posts)
HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:21:34

So, things are pretty much out of control at the moment. I can understand the need for consequences and so on, just not convinced it's going to work whilst DS1 is in a crisis. Also, attempts at implementing consequences are escalating things, which is to be expected.

Just wondered what others think. I want to concentrate on understanding what is causing this crisis, sometimes I think it's just some kind of development phase, others a testing of the waters, but he really is not in control at all and nobody is very sure what to do.

PolterGoose Fri 08-Mar-13 22:01:16

They probably do. But will they? And right now would ds benefit from some time out of school for you to sort of re-modulate him?

I suspect I've not had it as hard as you, but our whole family life is totally geared around ds's mood, it is fucking hard and relentless.

HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 22:11:26

Yes, we're pondering, everyone needs to calm down and stop the cycle, at least it's the weekend.

Walter4 Fri 08-Mar-13 22:35:25

Maybe they do have to change tack Hothead ,but it might give you're son a break and them time to think about how their way is not working.... If school is making him worse at the moment perhaps give him time to break the cycle and build reserves to cope with it, hopefully with them changing too?
If only they could all really really get it, or just trust us parents for gods sake!!
Off to bed now...have a peaceful night X

PolterGoose Fri 08-Mar-13 22:38:12

Just seen your latest post on the other thread, honestly, school are getting it all wrong in my view. They need to stop the punishment, stop the letters, a quick 'sorry' and move on. It is so hard to get it across though. They've tried to fob me off with 'all the children have to follow the same rules' well, no actually, they don't, school have to make 'reasonable adjustments'. All the effort has to go into the before not the after, but you know all that, I'm just being angry, sorry.

I do hope you have a good weekend thanks

popgoestheweezel Fri 08-Mar-13 23:56:23

Consequences are terrible here too. We only use time out when we need space ourselves not really as a consequence for ds.
It sounds like you're having a very tough time, although not found yiur other thresd yet, and i know how horribly draining it really is. we have had two unexpectedly calm days today and yesterday, not quite sure why as there could be lots of reasons but I have been giving him Bach flower remedies for a few days- maybe a coincidence or maybe not- dunno.
When ds is in a negative zone there is often almost nothing that helps at all and im sure you use all the pda techniques already but from what poltergeist says maybe school haven't? i have been going over all this old ground since school have suddenly got on board and are asking me what they should be doing and actually ive found it a useful refresher course myself as i had definitely lost sight of some useful techniques.

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 06:54:15

I agree it's all going too far. I am really unhappy about the restraint and him being blocked and trapped in rooms, it's inevitable he's going to try and get away.

Agree the effort needs to go into prevention, this is all rolling on from a week ago. He is in the wrong for being physical with other children but they could direct the play and intervene sooner or change his schedule in many ways to reduce the risk of that whilst he's going through this phase.

Badvoc Sat 09-Mar-13 07:10:39

How old is he?
Testosterone surge?

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 07:23:46

Nearly seven, definitely a developmental phase, it will settle and there is lots that could be done to help with it. He is very clear on what should happen and what is a reasonable consequence for hurting other children, losing 5 mins of playtime for example. It needs a completely different approach. I need to go back in.

Considering how I could present some time off for him whilst I sort this out, will need to be done carefully.

Badvoc Sat 09-Mar-13 07:28:08

Does he have 1:1?

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 07:39:31

Yes, 25 hours, no cover for unstructured times, has just gone to panel for an increase of hours, they want more info before deciding.

Badvoc Sat 09-Mar-13 07:46:40

No cover for unstructured times?
Sigh.
What more info do they need!!

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 07:53:02

I know, I think they think they can shuffle his existing hours, no chance. Things have escalated since the emergency annual review, it's just lurching from one crisis to another atm. The strategies are just not working, everyone needs to admit that and start again.

Badvoc Sat 09-Mar-13 07:56:18

Is he going to continue at school until the panel decides?

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 07:58:12

That depends on whether school exclude him or we give him a break, it could be a fairly quick decision once the last report is in next week.

shaftedbyschool Sat 09-Mar-13 07:58:54

Sympathies - have had to go through similar with a school who wanted everyone to behave the same with the same sanctions applied e.g all children will follow instructions and pay attention in class. They didn't want someone like my ds upsetting the applecart. After part-time timetable and a spell in PRU staff provoked him leading to a meltdown and permanent exclusion.
Schools have to want to be flexible and sadly too many aren't resulting in consequences for our dc's. All they see is the behaviour and not what causes it.
You really need to get school on board and to be as understanding as possible or things will get worse sad.

Badvoc Sat 09-Mar-13 08:01:40

Can you do the break thing?

shaftedbyschool Sat 09-Mar-13 08:04:15

Also the right TA/1:1 is crucial. We had staff with very little training but thought they were experts iykwim. They in effect were actually causing a lot of the anxiety by their actions but just couldn't see it. Yes, he had full time support but it was the wrong type of support. Have had copies of records showing that his 1:1 thought he was choosing behaviours and so she was insisting on him doing things which were actually making things worse sad

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 08:10:31

We could give him a break but it might not be easy, I need to have another meeting, it all feels horribly out of control and escalating daily. He is very clear about it all though, we should all listen to him.

Jsut been reading about differentiated behaviour management, they have to make reasonable adjustments and they just can't.

He loves his 1-2-1 and his teacher really likes him, it had been going well but it has all fallen apart very quickly.

Thanks so much for all the responses, I am reading them and giving this a lot of thought, he is so small for all this to be happening around him, we need to show him we're in control and it will all be fine without punishing him all the time.

Badvoc Sat 09-Mar-13 08:18:28

It's very positive that he likes his 1-2-1 and teacher.
Something to work with at least.
I can really empathise wrt crap TAs.
Until schools start actually employing trained staff then this is going to happen more and more...
In my sons case, a TA that could spell and use grammar would have been nice!
His current TA is truly dire.
I am not even sure she has any quals at all!

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 08:20:17

I think a mistrust has crept in this week and that needs to be turned around.

Badvoc Sat 09-Mar-13 08:21:54

Yes.
Definitely.
Is really insidious once it starts.

ilikemysleep Sat 09-Mar-13 08:32:34

Is he in mainstream? Maybe the environment is just too much. Too many people, too much noise and movement. Is a move to asc ss out of the question? We have seen a few pda-type children who have settled immensely in the quieter less stimulating environment of ss. I think this is a very tricky situation for school as well as yourselves. They have to handle upset parents whose dc have been hurt if your dc is being violent, and to those parents a quick 'sorry' doesn't always satisfy them. Which is not your concern but raises school's stress on how long they can sustain things and manage all those relationships. I am sorry things are so bad at present and hope there is a positive change soon.

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 08:42:51

An ASD SS is an option, is ind though so LA would have to agree. He is overloaded but there is a lot that could be done, 10 mins of sensory circuits ever hour, going out to play 10 mins earlier so he has a headstart etc.

It is a recent thing him poking and pushing other children, just once, not sustained, different child each time, but not on. From what I know it's happening once every other day, always at playtime.

The lack of supervision and reaction though, adults confronting him, no immediate physical need to intervene, the escalation to restriant and two adult carrying him in off the playground, at which point he definitely lashes out.

Taking him into a small room and blocking the exit to tell him he will miss all of the next play time and then him trashing the room as he's trapped.

There are other options and approaches, this is new behaviour, we need to calm it down not escalate it.

Badvoc Sat 09-Mar-13 08:45:07

Well I don't have PDA and I would freak out if someone trapped me in a small room and told me I couldn't leave!
What are they thinking!?
Are you hoping the LA agree to the SS?

HotheadPaisan Sat 09-Mar-13 08:46:46

Oh, and an incident report listed what he did to the teachers restraining him but didn't mention the large scratch across his cheek that he ended up with, I think that should have been recorded too.

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