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I think I might need to Have Words about something someone said.

(27 Posts)
TaggieCampbellBlack Mon 04-Mar-13 20:22:27

a TA at school has said to DD for the second time 'I thought people with Aspergers were supposed to be good at something'.

Once I could let go, but twice?

She just mentioned it in passing chattering about school stuff on the way home. Doesn't appear bothered but it obviously stuck or she wouldn't have mentioned it.

I'm trying to track down the SENco about other stuff so I'm going to say something.

SallyBear Thu 07-Mar-13 21:03:59

Moi? I got ALL the school staff to receive deaf awareness training...... After school.....

MareeyaDolores Thu 07-Mar-13 20:56:18

Sally shock
I really hope your self-control slipped sufficiently that they lipread the last word

SallyBear Wed 06-Mar-13 09:57:18

I had a classic one last year in Secondary School for DD - "She doesn't seem to listen and pay attention". That will be because she is DEAF! Fuckwit.

ouryve Wed 06-Mar-13 09:52:34

DS1 is definitely immune to being glared at and wouldn't succumb to any demon headmaster. If he does make eye contact, you know he's about to kick off.

We've learnt to prefer it when we're side by side, both looking at the thing we're talking about. Much safer.

MareeyaDolores Tue 05-Mar-13 19:44:37

Aha... must be a spin-off skill used by those immune to the demon headmaster's hypnotic stare (Gillian Cross... can you tell it's book week wink?)

Maryz Tue 05-Mar-13 15:38:59

You know the reason for the stare/glare?

ds1 explained it to me when he was about 12. Apparently when he looks into people eyes he sees right in. So it's a bit like that whirlpool-y thing the snake does in The Jungle Book.

So he avoids looking at people's eyes. But in school, he got into trouble for that all the time, so he developed an ability to look under his eyebrows at the space just between teachers' eyes.

Which of course looks like a death stare - and got him into more trouble [sigh].

He says it's only in the last year or two that he can look at people'e eyes without feeling carsick.

ouryve Tue 05-Mar-13 15:28:22

DS2 has the stare. He was born with the ability to steal souls. Evil genius in the making grin

Elennora - it wasn't your DS being rude shock

dietstartstmoz Tue 05-Mar-13 15:00:32

Taggie thats awful, go in and kick the SENCO's arse. And then put in a formal complaint in writing, to the head and governors. I would hit the roof if it were me. Good luck with the meeting

Ellenora5 Tue 05-Mar-13 13:48:47

I tell my ds to answer people by saying, can you eplain exactly what you mean by that remark, and if they can't he says, ok don't worry I'll get my mum to ring you and you can expain it to her. It never ceases to amaze me the things people say to my ds just because he has aspergers. I pulled someone up on this once, a stranger in a coffee who remarked about my ds turning his back when she joined our table, she said, well isn't he a rude little boy, I said actually he's not, he has aspergers and he doesn't like strangers just joining us without asking, it upsets him, to which she replied, I thought kids with that didn't have any feelings, well I was angry, I told her to educate herself and drag herself into the 21st century, silly woman. Hope you are not too upset taggie and good luck with the meeting.

TaggieCampbellBlack Tue 05-Mar-13 12:12:41

Tab. That is why I am so cross.
I have an appointment with SENCo next week so will bring it up. Calmly and rationally. With gritted teeth....

OhYeaBaby Tue 05-Mar-13 10:50:01

still worth mentioning it - I think they feel they have to be seen to back the teacher - but you never know, they might take the feedback on board AND at least it flags up that it isn't acceptable. If she is just ignorant, she might well learn from it - ie if the SENCo says "Mrs Wigglehead would never DREAM of saying such a thing" - it might just get through to Mrs Wigglehead that it isn't such a clever thing to say

grinnbareit Tue 05-Mar-13 10:32:04

'thing' is word of the day BTW grin

grinnbareit Tue 05-Mar-13 10:31:10

The thing is, I have found, that whenever something like this is brought to the schools attention they tend to ask the teacher concerned who will then just deny. Its always something that the Dc has 'miss-heard',but the thing is there are just somethings which are impossible to miss-hear.

I once told my Ds (after he had quoted something his wonderful TA had said) that he should just tell her in future "I'm not sure about that, my mum said give her a ring and she may be able to answer it" sadly this got him into trouble because he was being rude towards the TA.

There was one thing which really caused my temper to soar which was when Ds's old teacher told my Ds a story about a man having his head chopped off by a piece of rope, while he was on the top of a cliff because he had been told not to look back......and he didn't listen! This was meant as an example of what might happen when someone doesn't listen to instructions angry, I wasn't told about this until Ds had left this teachers class (my Ds thought it was a 'really good story' but I still boil about it to this day. Can you imagine how I would of been laughed out of the school if I had gone in about that one.....our staff wouldn't possibly say such a thing!.

emmetbrown Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:40

Oh, some of these ideas are brilliant. Must pass them on to dh!

TBH I agree with tab. I think you should mention that you feel the TA needs to go on some autism training (and try and get it to be a treehouse course if possible) and quote that as one of your reasons.

tabulahrasa Tue 05-Mar-13 09:02:25

I'd go in guns blazing about that... The inference there is that your DD isn't good at anything, that's not the message school staff should be giving her.

I mean, the whole autism = a magical power thing is bad enough - but I'd be more worried about the fact that she thinks she's not good at something.

MareeyaDolores Mon 04-Mar-13 23:48:11

I like "I see thick people" best of all though grin

Cos spotting the arrogant-thick-but-think-they're-smart types genuinely is a special talent, and SN is like night vision for finding carrots.

MareeyaDolores Mon 04-Mar-13 23:43:37

"Oh, I used to be good at computers, but the man from MI6 said I had to stop hacking into the Pentagon as I could get into big trouble for it when I'm older"

A great opportunity for some social stories about dealing with rudeness, using sarcasm appropriately, and staying totally deadpan whilst telling tall stories wink

PolterGoose Mon 04-Mar-13 23:19:39

How did dd not punch her?

I like coff's suggestion

There is, of course "Did you mean to be so rude?"

coff33pot Mon 04-Mar-13 22:30:30

How about she just replies "I mentioned this question to my Mum seeing as you have asked this question twice and Mum says that mine is having TACT."

I also like the I see thick people lol

zzzzz Mon 04-Mar-13 22:13:36

"I see thick people", soothes my soul.

BaggyKnickers Mon 04-Mar-13 21:20:28

Hope your Senco is supportive. I had cause on several occasions to complain about comments made such as ' my 2 year old is better behaved than you', 'you need to control your emotions' etc..
School strongly refuted that any staff would make such inappropriate remarks and closed the complaint as they had no evidence of such comments being made i.e the staff were questioned and denied it.
I then obtained a copy of the school records and now have some written remarks that prove certain staff thought that he was 'putting it on'. They also implied that he was choosing to have certain phobia's and that they therefore needed to 'be firm' and insist on certain things angry.

TaggieCampbellBlack Mon 04-Mar-13 20:58:09

Mind reading is excellent. Combined with a slightly intense glare to the forehead.

Or mind-reading. That'd be a good one, or able to hear through walls, or even x-ray vision.

I think my favourite from a person with ASD is 'I see thick people!'

But yes, flying for everyone else.

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