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I think I may have been offered a caring carrot today...

(136 Posts)
hazeyjane Mon 25-Feb-13 19:20:50

...ds was being observed by a learning disability nurse today at nursery, in the hope that she can help come up with a plan wrt ds's separation anxiety when he starts preschool in April.

Ds was having a good day, he has now had 2 of these since starting 16 months ago, it has been a long hard slog to even get him to look at his keyworker, or play without having a hand on my leg at all times, or scream for most of the session, and I can't leave the room without him going into a complete meltdown.

After watching him for the session, and listening to his keyworker explain the severity of his separation anxiety, her suggestion was, 'have you tried telling ds that you are just popping out to the loo, and will be back in a minute?.....'

Obviously all our problems are solved now, phew.

zzzzz Tue 26-Feb-13 14:46:39

'twas me who was offered the original carrot baton preparation advice.

Bloody hell what a claim to fame. blush

hazeyjane Tue 26-Feb-13 14:50:23

everyone on the sn boards needs to be issued with some of these and some pins, for voodoo purposes.

SW: Mrs Starlight, you just have to MAKE time!

hmm

and 'that will be what your DLA is for!' <what? propping up LA services?>

ouryve Tue 26-Feb-13 14:53:31

Sterling advice! Even a completely NT child would end up mistrustful after that lie.

I still haven't got round to sending my boys into a field to climb trees in the 3 years since it was suggested.

But best of all (until I change my mind)

'You just have to be firm with him and TELL him to go to sleep!'

WilsonFrickett Tue 26-Feb-13 14:59:24

'I think you'll find that it is better for children to be taught by teachers in the classroom'.

Sorry inappropriate but that is the best quote, like, ever. No shit Sherlock! grin thanks

moondog Tue 26-Feb-13 15:32:48

I was once asked by someone who had actively avoided doing anything with my child (and who failed to turn up to meetings-always mysteriously busy elsewhere) if I wanted to 'talk about it' and was reminded that 'we only want the best for her'

Complete with head tilt, squeeze of arm and patronising smile.

I told her that no, I didn't want to talk about it. What I wanted was for her to do something. (Then of course I realised she hadn't a bloody clue and withdrew my child from her noon existent service in any case)

OMG, this all brings back nightmares of Opportunity class!!!!

I always wondered why It was called thus but know now it meant simply an opportunity to patronise, ridicule and humiliate the parent whilst feeling smug and good about yourself!

TaggieCampbellBlack Tue 26-Feb-13 15:58:22

My carrots came ftom a psychologist who was supposed to be sorting out CBT for DD.
She was quite fixated on how 'brilliantly' we coped and what a 'wonderful' job we were doing and how 'marvelous' we were to have dealt with things.

We sat there like hmm as we were there because we weren't coping or managing and didn't know how to deal with her.

The bit when she cheerfully jumped up announcing 'you simply must have couple time' was the best bit.

moondog Tue 26-Feb-13 16:01:13

Opportunity class?
What the hell was that? grin angry

Funny. That was exactly what you said when I complained at the time!

EstherRancid Tue 26-Feb-13 16:04:36

thanks for explaining the history behind 'caring carrots' grin

i'm a long-time lurker, serial NCer and was always baffled but highly amused by the CC reference!

i've got a whole freaking veg rack of caring carrots - from the school nurse who advised me to get into a strict routine to get DD (ASD?SPD) to go to sleep and how I should just leave her to get dressed by herself if she was resistant grin

moondog Tue 26-Feb-13 16:06:41

My feeling is that most of the SN industry is largely pointless.
I haven't come across one person who has been able to add something useful to my life or my child's-apart from those I have actively sought out and paid asnd myself. Obv. grin

grinnbareit Tue 26-Feb-13 16:20:52

starlightmckenzie I proper fell for that! the carrot stuff! sat here scratching my head until I noticed the next post by hazeyjane btw thanks hazey!

Can I contribute now?, please do not post another link starlight grin

previous teacher: "Mrs grin you need to talk to your Ds (aspergers) about controlling his childish outbursts during lesson time its simply unacceptable"

me: "I believe that something is bothering him in the class room, possibly the noise (from info I had been told), have you tried the strategies suggested by the outreach team?"

teacher: "The noise level is perfectly fine to me so it should be acceptable for xxxx, I'm afraid I will NOT be treating your son any different than any other child, after all I am only here for his education (which was non existant at the time). He just needs to learn to listen to instructions instead of constantly fidgeting in his chair"

wasuup3000 Tue 26-Feb-13 16:25:58

My son's teachers are in "yes, we do that" land at the moment...which is not much different from caring carrot and equally as patronising.

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Tue 26-Feb-13 16:36:17

Does this count - MIL told me that she thought all bluechick's problems were due to her small size and told me if I started weaning her she'd start to progress. This was at 3 months. So yes, all to do with being and nothing to do with the chromosome abnormality then MIL? hmm

WilsonFrickett Tue 26-Feb-13 17:29:24

bird that's a passive-agressive carrot in my book. A PArrot, if you will.

zzzzz Tue 26-Feb-13 17:35:18

A PARROT!

grin. Sublime. thanks wilson

ROFL.... Parrot. Excellent.

BaggyKnickers Tue 26-Feb-13 17:47:26

Reminds me of a favourite joke - what's orange and sounds like a parrot?


A carrot!

ApplePippa Tue 26-Feb-13 18:13:13

I was advised by a SALT who specialised in ASD that all I had to do to get DS to do anything he didn't want to do was wave a PECS card at him.

Apparently PECS cards are magical that way....

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Tue 26-Feb-13 18:14:20

LOVE 'parrot' for passive aggressive carrot! Inspired wilson!

MIL has lobbed a few parrots my way actually, including implying that the major reason for my upset over bluechick's condition was that it would interfere with my plans to go back to work.

FWIW I decided pretty much straightaway not to go back to work and i haven't given it a second thought since, much less ever mentioned it to MIL!

Oh yes - PECS. The teacher at the Opportunity class, - supported by the SALT (who was flirting with the caretaker) refused to give ds a biscuit when he asked for it verbally in full sentence with 'please' on the end and TOLD him to use his PECS card.

He picked up the nearest one without looking at it and repeated his verbal request whist offering the card, to have the teacher look at his card, note it was a crisp and give him a crisp (which he didn't like).

They then put on his IEP that he needed to learn 'discrimination'.

That was when I signed up for PECS training because I didn't frigging understand it.

MummytoMog Tue 26-Feb-13 18:58:04

About a year ago I got a brilliant email from MIL basically explaining how I could fix DD's speech delay following a short visit - will probably work for all of you too...

*DD was great and seemed to have come on a lot in getting more words. I put all her electronic toys away and spent more time with her - getting her to look at me as much as possible when I spoke toher etc.

Playing with the dough, matching cards, and crayons - I kept chatting about what she was doing and asked her what she wanted etc . - she joined in here and there and got more *things to say. The books - like the nursery rhymes - caught her attention quickly too and you'll be able to get a lot of interaction with those I think. *If you can have time with her when she gets your full attention and doesn't have any other aural distraction she'll come on very quickly now. She needs a face to look into and a commentary that engages her in what she's trying to do - and responds to her needs. As *gets more words and phrases she'lll soon develop the 'negotiation' skills to get what she wants - and that's a great step forward in preparation for play groups and nursery.

If only I'd realised I needed to talk to her, spend time with her and let her look at my face. All those months I wasted ignoring her, staying late at work to avoid her and hiding my face when I had to speak to her. And reading - why on earth didn't I think of reading to her...

BaggyKnickers Tue 26-Feb-13 19:03:59

Caring carrot for our LA exclusions manager who, after I had let rip about a child with PDA being permanently excluded for 'persistently failing to follow instruction', said 'Oh,it is difficult isn't it?'. angry

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