Ds is having home tuition of 5 hours a week, which hasnt been going too well.
Ds has been refusing and hiding under a blanket. He is crying every morning before she arrives and saying that he doesnt want her to come etc, etc.
This morning i had to to go the shop, after the tutor arrived, so asked my 16 year old to come downstairs, while i went to the shop. I leave the door open to the room where ds and the tutor are.
I was only gone 5 minutes and was really surprised to see that ds was out from under the blanket when i got back.
My 16 year old told me, he was listening to what the tutor said to ds, apparently she told ds that unless he came out from under the blanket, the blanket would be banned and that she deals with kids like him every day and she was not standing for him hiding under a blanket.
Apparently she also said to ds that is 'not normal' to wear the same thing every day and that 'normal' children dont wear the same thing, get dressed and leave the house.
Do you feel this is harsh? Ds has a school phobia and this tutor is suppose to be acting as a link between home and school and getting ds back to school eventually.
Seems her strategy for refusal/avoidance is force. I was hoping she would try and motivate ds to want to work, i thought her purpose was to build trust and relationship to enable ds to return to education and that the work wasnt really important for now.
Or am i just being too Mary Poppins about this. Your thoughts please?
I would stop calling them pjs and instead call them comfy clothes. My ds always wears pjs at home and will always get changed the minute he comes in into his pjs. He gets dressed to go out and that's it. I really don't see an issue with this. I think him getting changed into a different pairs of pjs which you call comfy clothes should be enough. I would highlight that he has changed into his clean comfy clothes and give him the sticker in front of the tutor.
I think it would be much easier for you and your DS if the psychologist at CAHMS actually gave written guidelines for anxiety management - how to approach your DS with demands, what to do when he avoids them/can't face them etc.
Not so much for you but so that any home tutor etc has a clear set of guidelines for how to approach your DS and manage behaviour. And more to the point for this particular tutor, they have a clear message about what NOT to do.
This means you don't have to keep adressing things and explaining - unfortunately you can say something and be ignored but the exact same thing in writing from a professional gets adhered to.
The psychologist should be well willing to do that - they know how important a consistent approach is.
Sorry I have only read first & last page. But I really feel for you OP. Surely we should strive to help our autistic children feel safe & secure. I know everyone has to be challenged to learn more, but I think that only works in a safe environment. It doesn't sound like that tutor is capable of making anyone feel safe & secure. In fact, I think she sounds like a right nasty piece of work. Good luck OP.