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I've shouted like a fish-wife at DS

(17 Posts)
porridgeLover Fri 08-Feb-13 09:23:31

Thank you all for your comments last night.
I think some of my upset is that I am so tired of being sick. I'm a bit worn out.

I apologised again this morning. Thats all I can do really. Explained that it wasn't OK for me to talk to him like that.

I grinned at Polter's comments....talk about finding a silver lining!
''The reason I am shouting at you is to give you a lesson in emotions!''

I can your point; I've used the 'jug of patience' analogy which he seems to get; but wont hear it in my voice that he is pushing close to the limit. All 3 of them, pushed close to the limit last night. Dinner was not what they wanted, they squabbled about TV, homework took forever. Just one of those evenings.

Hey ho! onwards and upwards. We'll have a nice weekend and that will be the end of it.

PolterGoose Thu 07-Feb-13 23:04:40

We've all done it I'm sure. What I do think though, is that we know that our children on the spectrum have poor emotional recognition in themselves and others, so sometimes they do benefit from seeing us properly displaying what we feel. Ds doesn't believe I am in pain unless he can see blood, he doesn't believe I'm angry unless I'm shouting, or sad unless I'm crying. It can also be a good opener for discussions around how we deal with our own feelings.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Thu 07-Feb-13 22:20:32

Aw, porridge, you wouldn't be feeling so guilty if you were a loser! grin Secret, we have all been there, sometimes the final straw can be something very minor. You just shouted at him, that's hardly a great crime, be a bit kinder to yourself. He has already forgiven you. I have forgiven myself for various losses of temper over the years. Our DC would try the patience of a saint!

crazygal Thu 07-Feb-13 22:06:56

Sorry to hear you have had a bad eve too sad
I dont have family near me either and its very hard...i understand what your saying tho....ive been questioning myself to all evening,
but as zzzz said they need to see us fail and then get back up...its lovely that you went to him and you all said sorry too,ive said the same to my ds many times...its a good lesson aswell for them to see that empathy xx

porridgeLover Thu 07-Feb-13 21:33:51

Thank you.

I am upset with myself for letting him and me down. It is the worst possible example. And I know, I would be on here telling someone else it's OK. That we all get stressed, that it's hard work being isolated with a SN child etc.

But that doesnt make it OK to shout at him. He started crying. She wasn't even that badly hurt (he scratched her). But for flips sake.....

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 07-Feb-13 21:24:50

He's your boy! Pat yourself on the back a little at least. He's like that because you taught him to be like that.

Hope things are better in the morning.

RinkyDinkyDoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:24:43

You are not a loser. This is not the norm. We all have times where our patience wears thin. Your son has accepted it was a 'moment', he loves you and we all accept moments where we are not perfect. He loves you and needs your cuddles. HONK HONK

ouryve Thu 07-Feb-13 21:21:35

Honk wine

zzzzz Thu 07-Feb-13 21:17:35

"He's a better person than I am"

Then I would say you're doing ok. Honk honk

porridgeLover Thu 07-Feb-13 21:13:38

Well, I went down to his bedroom and he asked for a goodnight cuddle.
I said sorry. Told him I was cross that he hurt her and cross with me, that I had lost my temper.
He's a better person than I am.

zzzzz Thu 07-Feb-13 21:11:50

Ooooooh can I have my own emoticon? grin

Ineedmorepatience Thu 07-Feb-13 20:51:42

Or evenzzzzz

Ineedmorepatience Thu 07-Feb-13 20:51:15

Well said [zzzzz]

zzzzz Thu 07-Feb-13 20:48:20

And when it is undone, he will have learnt that you love him before, during, and after you lose it, and he will carry that with him.

Our children don't need perfection, they need to see us fail and get back up.

inappropriatelyemployed Thu 07-Feb-13 20:42:47

You are very hard on yourself! I'm sure you will tell him you lost your temper and you are tired and ill and that he can understand it when things get on top of a person. Let him know its not him but the situation.

Kids understand more than we think.

Being ill really drags you down. I had flu at Xmas and I got so low. I couldn't remember what it was like to feel well.

Be kind to yourself. Don't get sucked in to thinking too deeply about it all. Tell him you love him and you're sorry. Get yourself to bed.

Ineedmorepatience Thu 07-Feb-13 20:37:40

Am honking for you porridgesad

porridgeLover Thu 07-Feb-13 20:16:38

I am such a loser.
DS has been misbehaving all week (8.5y, ASD).
I have been ill with the various viruses travelling around for about 3 weeks.
DD2 spent last weekend puking her guts up.
He has been in trouble in school.
And this evening, he hurt DD1 when they went upstairs for bedtime.

I have lost it, and raged in his face about how everything revolves around him. That is unfair that she is the brunt of his anger. That I cant trust him not to hurt them.
It is as bad as it sounds.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. We're only human, we all make mistakes, but he will carry that around with him.
I have no support...no family close by, and family are of the 'well I cant see anything the matter with him, all boys are like that' ilk.
I dont even know why I am posting here; except that I know that someone here will understand that this is not who I want to be.
It will take weeks to undo a 3 minute rant. I'm so angry with myself for giving in.

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