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ever decreasing circles...

(109 Posts)
imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 10:09:39

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imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 13:50:28

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JeffFaFa Tue 29-Jan-13 14:00:13

how can schools not recognise dyslexia? really? wasnt there a big dyslexia awareness thing in the borders last year? or am i thinking of something else

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 14:05:35

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JeffFaFa Tue 29-Jan-13 14:10:55

didnt mean that to sound questioning imogen genuinely didnt know apologies if it did, im the local btw (chronic name changer i am) i have concerns about ds' difficulty reading, word and letter reversals etc but presumed school would flag a problem but looks like that will be yet another thing they dont see.

I know there was friends of mine recieving help for dyslexia in city primary school more than 15 years ago.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 14:18:23

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imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 14:23:22

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JeffFaFa Tue 29-Jan-13 14:25:10

Its fine i know how frustrating it is, sorry 'the local' meant we have spoke a few times on pm we live in the same region im just forever name changing. We are still waiting referall been 4 months now not heard a thing. Possibly looking to move within the borders but cant see it helping our cause smile

JeffFaFa Tue 29-Jan-13 14:26:04

x post there lol

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 15:09:41

Imogen..my sons school in Derbyshire LA refused to assess him. They don't assess until juniors as a matter of course.
Nothing to do with individual need. angry
So it doesn't shock me, sadly.
Current LA (leics) is marginally better, but only marginally!
The HT told me that the school was "dyslexia friendly"
I asked her what that actually meant and she just looked at me flummoxed!
Because she can't!
Because there is no such thing.
I think you have been very very unlucky wrt your LA.
So.
Move LA.
The sooner the better. Then your ds will Have longer to transition.
I know it's a scary thought. And a logistical nightmare! smile
But we did it. And it has worked very well for us.
Ds has settled in so much better than we could ever have imagined.

TheLightPassenger Tue 29-Jan-13 15:34:07

I agree with bochead. I don't think the private school is likely to be a long-term solution, and probably not even a short term solution. So I wouldn't risk sending the letter with "mum says" etc. I think I have made my other views clear enough re:moving, preferably to a city, so won't bash you over the head with them again wink

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 17:05:41

Nice to see you posting again grin
Might I suggest doing a slightly fancy form of pros and cons, called SWOT analysis on your three main options of
1. Chase private school
2. Bide your time for a year or two
3. Move areas ASAP
Although current school isn't ideal, dont underestimate the value of their contacts with professionals. Being downgraded from a child-harming Loony-Mum status to 'anxious nightmare mum' means a meeting of eye-rolling and sighs, that you can live with. Being an 'ordinary level' overanxious nightmare parent usually means someone will eventually see sense. But it can take years angry

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 17:54:15

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 17:56:57

It's all totally shit, Imogen
I'm sorry.
Time to plan your escape.
And it will be an escape, in the fullest sense of the word.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 18:08:45

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 18:29:10

No.
It's shit.
Utter utter shit.
You aren't over sensitive, you need to understand that.
Really understand it.
I was told that too...and that ds was lazy, and that he was a summer born and would magically catch up...
Etc et bloody cetera.
Nothing we all haven't been told.
I have a friend and today she was told by the HT of her Dds school that her dd doesn't have any problems (she is severely dyslexic) and then that her Dds problems are her fault.
The very problems that according to the HT don't actually exist!?
If it weren't so serious, it would be funny.
If in doubt, blame the mother!
I have also been told, variously, by 2 different schools that ds does not do enough work at home/reading etc and that he does too much.
You can't win Imogen.
They don't play fair.
What would you do in a game? If you knew you couldn't win? Chess for example?
You concede.
You start again.
Sorry to labour the metaphor, but time to pack the board away and start a new game.
X

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 19:08:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 20:08:31

It is indeed sh*t, and you are also too sensitive. You aren't misunderstanding how impatient and dismissive people can be. But life will be easier when you're no longer letting them get to you, because you've really gone beyond caring. At that point they will probably just stop, as it will no longer work.

Rhino hide will come grin. Till that point, interact as little as possible with anyone

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 20:08:51

Oops. Anyone nasty blush

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 20:12:19

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 20:53:53

Well, you can't.
The only way to not need to interact is to get him into a decent school where he will get some provision and then you can ignore them.
My sons school know I am not there to make friends.
I couldn't give a flying fuck what they think about me.
I do care about the education given to my dc.
That's it.
But it's taken me a while to get here...

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 21:27:14

Is you interacting with the school (about their upsetting DS) likely to make those problems better? I suspect some contacts you have with school might end up being counter-productive.

They are way better than the old school. They accept that there's bullying (ok, they're saying it's not serious and haven't sorted it out yet, but they haven't tried to cover up). Theryre letting him have his Lego escape / downtime (which I think is fine, they're hardly going to starts full scale social and play skills programme when local team tells them you're hysterically imagining ASD, and not to encourage you). They called you after the awful drop-off to say he was ok (probably 90% well-meaning, with maybe a 10% we told you so wink).

I think, despite your fears and frustrations, you're probably very nearly out of child-harming LoonyMum and back into the over-anxious-nightmare-ordinary-mum bracket at this school. Remember, you have a pre-evil-school history here.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 21:32:40

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justaboutchilledout Tue 29-Jan-13 21:37:38

Imogen. I think the repeated changes of school are going to form part of your son's problems unless you are very careful from here on in. I don't for a moment think they have been unnecessary: but you are thinking of changing him AGAIN: and this is a child who has ASD, so difficulties with change, and high anxiety, which will be exacerbated by all this.

So I cannot see for the life of me why you are trying to force your child into a school that doesn't want him, that doesn't have to treat him well when he's there, that can ask him to leave at any time, etc.

It is, forgive me, a disaster in the making. Because you will have to move him AGAIN if/when it doesn't work.

The next time you move schools it needs to be the last move you make, I think. Otherwise you are messing him around by repeated transitions on top of all his other issues.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 21:39:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 21:39:48

I'm not saying your DS is fine, or the school is ok, btw. Just that there is a level of 'normal' poor practice in many schools, which is not something to feel persecuted by, or paranoid about.

Rudeness or snappiness with parents and children, 'teacher knows best', lack of effective teaching and pastoral care... not uncommon. Last school's behaviour, and the way they recruited outsiders: another league altogether and you're very well shot of them.

I live in hope that your dc's current school might be well aware of old school's bullying, Machivellian, arrogant style already, such behaviour was unlikely to be the first attempt at picking on a vulnerable family (or staff member).

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