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Called into school to discuss ASD behaviour & strategies to deal with

(21 Posts)
Willmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 07:40:53

What am I supposed to say??? He is 9 and has Aspergers. If some twirp tries to stop him playing with the one person who he thinks is his best friend because 'hes too silly all the time' it's no wonder he kicked him.

I would like to point out I had to raise the issue with school last week about boys winding him up for a reaction. Getting DS into trouble seems to be the thing to do.

I think I'm going in because we only just have a formal diagnosis and they've not had autism outreach in yet. I'm not sure how I can help.

I think today would be a good day to raise the issue of him having a statement.

I'm sick of telling them he is vulnerable at break time/lunchtime sad

Ask them what is the behaviour they want to change?

Ask them to keep a record on those behaviours. What happened just before, What the behaviour was, and what happened immediately after. (Supply a few A4 papers - two for each day with the date already written on top)

When you have a list of behaviours over a two week period, you'll go back in and work with them on strategies as well as identify any patterns (i.e. does he have a number of behaviours in quick succession just before PE for example?)

(This is excellent for building evidence as well)

DON'T raise the issue of a statement until you have this document btw, if you can persuade them to do it.

Ask for a photocopy to be sent home to you at the end of each day.

Ignore the break time thing for the moment (although it does need to be addressed of course, but you'll scare them and get agreement for nothing if you raise it atm).

bochead Tue 09-Oct-12 09:57:05

Star's advice is spot on.

Don't discuss statement application - when you have the evidence she suggests aquiring pop a stamp on an envelope and just post your application yourself. Schools are trained to put you off applying, and at 9 he's getting too close to secondary transition to tolerate delays.

sallyneedssleep Tue 09-Oct-12 10:23:01

I agree. Go in gently. Make them feel as though they're in charge and you want it all written down simply so you can help. The more evidence you get the better especially if theyre not even aware that that is what theyre providing you with! grin

Willmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 10:41:35

Are they not going to want me to get a statement then?

I am in a difficult position in that I can't be too difficult as I am also a parent governor.

zzzzz Tue 09-Oct-12 10:53:59

You are in a perfect position. You are a parent governor. wink

star has written exactly what I would have said. Ball gentley but firmly in their court, with you as expert advisor, evidence building nicely and unobtrusively, review to set strategies and identify targets in a week or so.

Excellent.

porridgelover Tue 09-Oct-12 11:06:33

Absolutely as star has said. You are their friend wink and a complete supporter of the school (see, ''I'm a governor''). You need more information so that you can work with them to deal with this behaviour.
I had this...goading DS to get a reaction. I made the mistake of labelling it, in writing, as bullying (it was) but school went on the defensive. I've pulled it around so that they now see me as their ally on the 'team' dealing with him. But I still record, record, record everything.

Willmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 11:27:20

Thanks star, I will say and do exactly that.

I'm sure they'll be more than happy to document it. After all, it's what they are doing for my DS2 aged 6 who they are now convinced is autistic (and have been doing since April apparently hmm )

Willmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 19:27:53

Well, DS is finding it difficult fitting in and getting confused as to when someone is being mean to him and when it is 50/50. They are not giving him any punishments as such, just asking him to go off and reflect on his behaviour which seems to work.

There are no real strategies, I think they just wanted to see if there had been a deterioration in behaviour at home- which there hasn't. I pointed out that his behaviours just stand out at school more now that he is older.

They still haven't had autism outreach in but hopefully they should be in this term (as soon as I can get a letter from the psychologist confirming diagnosis- I thought it had been done but clearly not). They don't want to put any strategies in place until then in case they do the wrong thing.

Re getting a statement they suggest they get help from autism outreach who apparently are very good (we have another child in school with ASD). We then give it a year to see how he gets on with new strategies. If by the middle of year 5 we feel he needs it we apply for a statement in good time for the transition up to high school.

Sort of makes sense.

Middle of year 5 is not IMO a good time to apply for a statement, particularly in current climate.

Did you get them to agree to document behaviour?

zzzzz Tue 09-Oct-12 21:11:00

What strikes me is that a year is an incredibly long time to wait to see if strategies work.

Personally I think unless you see some positive effect in at most 3 weeks, strategies are unlikely to be having an impact.

Willmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 22:16:09

Starlight, apparently they are going to send me an email (every day I think) saying what his behaviour has been like and whether there have been any particular incidents.

A year seems like a long time too. I wonder if autism outreach will recommend we get a statement.

The psychologist told me her full report (which she's not actually finished yet) will help should we need a statement. Says it all really.

'I wonder if autism outreach will recommend we get a statement.'

I distinctly doubt it.

Well done on getting a committment to a daily email. It would be sensible to thank them in writing for this immediately.

Willmouse Tue 09-Oct-12 22:39:49

I forgot to say, there is no particular pattern to his behaviour that they can see.

They did say that the way he comes into class in the morning sets the tone for the day. On the days he comes in stressed and anxious that doesn't really improve and he has a bad day. I feel a bit guilty now thinking they will be the days I've ranted at him on the way to school but at least I know not to do that now, hard as it will be some days. Also may see a pattern in his behaviour myself from the daily emails.

I will thank them for the emails. They are pretty good at emailing me re homework because of his avoidance tactics of just not bringing it home so hopefully the behaviour ones should be forthcoming too.

'I forgot to say, there is no particular pattern to his behaviour that they can see.'

hmm. you can't see patterns unless you record incidences in the way I have described. His 'bad mood' might always be a certain day of the week, or particular weather, or breakfast for that matter.

You can't just guess though.you need data.

zzzzz Tue 09-Oct-12 22:57:28

It has been my experience that schools focus heavily on managing behaviour, minimising impact on others, not necessarily the sen child's education.

How is your child doing academically? How is he doing socially? And emotionally?

Regardless of you position as governor at the school, your primary responsibility is your son.

Your focus must be on helping your son to fulfill his potential. Once you have identified what he is struggling with, statements, assessments and therapies are just tools in your arsenal to get him the support he needs.

Willmouse Wed 10-Oct-12 07:31:08

He needs a lot of support socially IMO and I don't think school know what to do (or can't be bothered). I was told yesterday he is getting anxious at school.

When the psychologist went into school they were 'coincididentally' doing a class on empathy and I have been told by the psychologist that de did not have a clue. Poor thing is forever telling me he feels empathy, sort of in the right context, but I don't think he understands he just knows to put the right word in the right scenario.

Academically he REALLY struggles with maths. He reads above his year but I would question how much he understands and takes in. His written work is good and he is allowed to use a pen but I'm not sure about the quality of what he writes.

I will give them time to get autism outreach in but I'm not giving them until next April before I consider getting a statement.

"Re getting a statement they suggest they get help from autism outreach who apparently are very good (we have another child in school with ASD). We then give it a year to see how he gets on with new strategies. If by the middle of year 5 we feel he needs it we apply for a statement in good time for the transition up to high school".

I would be applying for a statement far sooner than Y5 (and I think you are planning on dong that anyway). AO have little clout within schools really and I do not believe their recommendations are fully binding.

Infact I'd be applying for a statement asap as its clear the school cannot fully meet his additional needs.

What Starlight has suggested too is advice that should be heeded.

Truly you are your child's best - and only - advocate here.

bochead Wed 10-Oct-12 07:52:43

Secondary choices are made & allocated in year 5, so it's critical to my mind that a child who needs one has a statement to start this year if at all possible. Bear in mind that even when the LA agree the support needed and everything goes smoothly it still takes 6 months to be get a statement finalised after you put in that initial request.

By mid-year 5 your child is becoming "soon someone else's problem" in the eyes of many a Primary school. Please, please don't wait that long to utilise the cost of a really important stamp.

Star has given you wonderful advice on how to gather the evidence to get that statement at the first attempt.

Willmouse Wed 10-Oct-12 17:09:17

Had my first email as promised.

He has had a good day and tried especially hard in maths. smile

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