Our SN area is not a substitute for expert advice. While many Mumsnetters have a specialist knowledge of special needs, if they post here they are posting as members, not experts. There are, however, lots of organisations that can help - some suggestions are listed here. If you've come across an organisation that you've found helpful, please tell us. Go to Special needs chat, Parents with disabilities, SN teens, SN legal, SN education, SN recommendations.

Help please, especially Star, AE, Agnes and anyone else who knows my story

(65 Posts)
claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 16:08:46

Ds returned to school in September, after being signed off sick in June for anxiety and self harm. (i am in the process of appealing refusal to SA)

Since September ds is becoming increasingly distressed by school, i have been told to come and collect him twice from school. The latest being this afternoon, i got a phone call from school saying ds thought he had a 'splinter in his bottom' and was very upset, could i go and have a look. In the toilet in school ds refused to show me and was getting very distressed, crying, hanging onto my legs and begging me to take him home. The school office could see ds was very upset and told me to take him home.

Other than this ds comes out of school crying most days, saying he just doesnt understand what he is supposed to doing, he is not understanding instructions and not getting much work done.

When we arrive at school, he complains on pains in his legs and cant breath, i have to take him to the school office for his inhaler. He has 6 days off 'sick' with breathing difficulties. He is self harming again too, digs and scratches on his legs and chest.

I cannot approach school, as last time i did they reported me to child protection.

I cannot approach my gp, as the LA wrote to him stating that a team of experts had assessed ds and that he show no signs of anxiety or self harm in school. I have told my GP this a lie, ds hasnt been assessed and does show signs of anxiety, but he is saying his hands are tied.

Sorry that is long, but my question is social worker came to visit us last week, she stated it is clearly no a child protection issue and asked that i send her copies of all the recommendations that experts have provided and she is going to write a report in 2 weeks.

Do i approach SW? the situation is getting increasingly distressing for ds, statement is a long way off, what do i do in the meantime?

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:13:27

Agnes, i am convinced that SW's forgot who you are the minute they walk out the door.

2 SW's paid me a surprise visit a few weeks back, they were useless, they didnt understand a word i said and really didnt have a clue, they told me it wasnt a CP issue, but they would recommend a CAF. I said i would wait for their report and then decide on the CAF. They then said the purpose of the CAF was to decide if it was a CP issue! So i said ok, when i can expect your report, after the CAF!

Then another SW phones me from CP to make an appointment. The purpose of this appointment is to discuss exactly the same thing as previous SW's. This SW seems understanding and i was expecting her, so i had copies of everything to show her to back up exactly what i was saying. She too said it wasnt a CP issue and asked me to send her copies of all the recommendations made by experts and that she is supposed to prepare her core assessment report in 10 days, but i can expect a copy in 2 weeks. No mention of a CAF.

I am hoping she concludes not a CP issue, an education issue, which is why i was thinking of sending her a copy of my diary of anxious school related behaviours since September?

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:17:26

I asked why she was duplicating the work of the previous SW's and apparently, they have had a shake up in their dept and she has taken over from the other SW and the other SW no longer works in that dept.

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:03:51

Hiya claw. Skin picking is a proper disease (they argue over whether its an addiction, a coping strategy or a spin-off of ocd, but thats small print!). Dermatotillomania or dermatitis artefacta are useful labels. Strong link with asd, also links with a few genetic things (eg prader Willie officially, fragile x perhaps)

Sometimes medications help reduce the picking a bit. Ive seen them used in an adult i worked with many yers back. Maybe concentrating on skin may put GP in a better position to support second opinion diagnosis and treatment.

They cant really tell him to butt out if there's a physical label?

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:06:05

Oh yeah, and panic attacks and asthma worse when stressed are provable. Appetite, bowels etc, can log them.

Maybe the peak flow readings will be less dodgy on non-school days?

mariamma Fri 05-Oct-12 03:07:55

If they don't like the word anxiety, you can always rephrase it in their terms

Oh Claw, what Maria said is promising. You can tell the GP that you aren't asking him to diagnose anxiety but to investigate the cause of the skin problem and to ascertain whether riptide requires a Dx.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 10:00:11

mariamma and Star What im afraid of with my GP who clearly doesnt have much knowledge and barely speaks English, is that he will say its Eczema or such like, just because he doent know what it is or understand it. I suppose i could ask for a referal to a skin specialist, but upon reading the link, it states it is a misunderstood condition and rarely dxed, would a skin specialist be prepared to dx a rare condition? What i have found with 'experts' over the years is they like things they are familar with, if they are not they tend to label it with something they are familar with.

For example CAMHS say anxiety is responsible for ds's eating, when really he has a food phobia and probably an eating disorder.

Anyhow update DS DID HAVE A SPLINTER IN HIS BOTTOM im not sure whether to be a bit relieved or not. When i collected him school, he had a plaster on his bottom, i was told by school, they had given it to him 'just to pacify him' and he apparently had stuck the plaster on himself.

Ds cannot stand plasters, especially removing them, so last night when i went to bed and ds was sleeping, i removed the plaster, i was so shocked to find a massive thick splinter sticking out from his bottom, about 2 inches of it was protruding from his skin and had been taped down with the plaster. The splinter was about 5 inches long when removed and about as thick as two matchsticks stuck together.

Now ds tells me this morning that Mrs X (the first aid lady) had tried to remove it, but couldnt, so put a plaster on it and phoned me.

I dont know what to think anymore.

starfishmummy Fri 05-Oct-12 13:18:04

I haven't added to this thread as the things you are experiencing are outside of my experience, so I could add nothing useful ; but re the splinter - that is appalling. What did they think hiding it under a plaster would do? Your poor DS.

AgnesDiPesto Fri 05-Oct-12 13:47:01

God Claw that is unbelievable

Do you know how he got it. Am worried now they are covering up bullying / accidents as well

Tbh I am suspicious wrt children moving chairs away etc. This is indicative of bullying. Please let me email the EP.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:23:44

They have an area of decking in the school, ds says he was sitting on the decking steps and he slide his bottom along and got the splinter.

This morning in the car on the way to school ds asked me how did i get the splinter out, i told him i pulled it out quickly while he was sleeping. He said 'oh Mrs X was trying to pull it slowly and it didnt work, so she put a plaster on it and phoned you'. he also added she is not allowed to look at boys bottoms. So i asked well how did she pull the splinter. He said she intially felt it through his trousers, he then pulled his trousers and pants down to one side so she could see and she then tried pulling it.

Now when Mrs X phoned me, she told me ds thinks he has a splinter in his bottom, we are not allowed to look, could you come into school and have a look. I asked how he had managed to get a splinter in his bottom and she said she didnt know, ds had just been sent to her.

When i arrived at school, before she went to get ds from class and told me she had given him a plaster and he had put it on himself in the toilet. She said he was upset and you know what kids are like, a plaster always seems to make it better kind of thing.

The plaster had been put on very accurately, in a way that the 2 inch splinter which was sticking directly out, when the plaster was removed, was flatten to the skin over to one side.

Now ds cant even wipe his own bottom, unless he has a full length mirror as he is unable to reach around accurately and wipe the right area without seeing it and he wouldnt have had the common sense to push the splinter to one side, he would have just tried sticking a plaster on top of the protruding splinter, plus he hates plasters, as he has a screaming fit when they have to removed.

Why would they lie about it?

Poor ds, didnt complain once about this all night last night, he had a couple of screaming fits at his brothers over petty things, but not once did he complain about his bottom sad

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:34:18

Star, thanks that is very kind of you, i would be happy for you to draft an email, if you have the time that is.

Yeah course. But i need your surname in order for it not to say 'can you help some woman off the Internet please'.

AgnesDiPesto Fri 05-Oct-12 14:47:40

Claw I honestly think by now I would have taken some of that £15k you are spending on lawyers gone to a spy shop and secretly bugged my DS.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 14:56:35

I will pm you shortly Star, just off on school run.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now