Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Help please, especially Star, AE, Agnes and anyone else who knows my story

(65 Posts)
claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 16:08:46

Ds returned to school in September, after being signed off sick in June for anxiety and self harm. (i am in the process of appealing refusal to SA)

Since September ds is becoming increasingly distressed by school, i have been told to come and collect him twice from school. The latest being this afternoon, i got a phone call from school saying ds thought he had a 'splinter in his bottom' and was very upset, could i go and have a look. In the toilet in school ds refused to show me and was getting very distressed, crying, hanging onto my legs and begging me to take him home. The school office could see ds was very upset and told me to take him home.

Other than this ds comes out of school crying most days, saying he just doesnt understand what he is supposed to doing, he is not understanding instructions and not getting much work done.

When we arrive at school, he complains on pains in his legs and cant breath, i have to take him to the school office for his inhaler. He has 6 days off 'sick' with breathing difficulties. He is self harming again too, digs and scratches on his legs and chest.

I cannot approach school, as last time i did they reported me to child protection.

I cannot approach my gp, as the LA wrote to him stating that a team of experts had assessed ds and that he show no signs of anxiety or self harm in school. I have told my GP this a lie, ds hasnt been assessed and does show signs of anxiety, but he is saying his hands are tied.

Sorry that is long, but my question is social worker came to visit us last week, she stated it is clearly no a child protection issue and asked that i send her copies of all the recommendations that experts have provided and she is going to write a report in 2 weeks.

Do i approach SW? the situation is getting increasingly distressing for ds, statement is a long way off, what do i do in the meantime?

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 19:54:20

No December is earliest unfortunately. Must go ds is having a screaming fit, thanks everyone.

coff33pot Thu 04-Oct-12 20:06:09

Vidoes..........going swimming with mum, park in his shorts etc. Videos are dated and timed. They can help you show self harm injuries at a later date if needed for proof also at the same time could be taken all year round? ie. half term when injuries healed?

To anyone else they are just family fun vids on the shelf x

'Ds is crying every day and actually asking me to help him, he is saying that he doesnt understand the instructions, he doesnt know what he is supposed to be doing, he is doing no work at all or copying from others.'

Can you get this on video?

Flick cameras are good, cheap and fairly discrete. Even if the picture isn't great you'll get him talking recorded.

Also, if EP is who I think, call him and explain that you need to remove Ds ASAP and if he has any cancellations at all you'll take it so you can remove Ds the next day. In the meantime, take an extended half term. 2-3 days before half term and 2-3 days after half term. Give the poor boy a rest.

Disgraceful that the teachers are allowing bullying in the classroom, and to have a target for a socially anxious small child to be ask his peers is inhumane.

mariamma Thu 04-Oct-12 21:10:00

This is a skin picking condition which can be confirmed officially by asking GP for a dermatology referral. Or local paediatrician, if they're one with an interest in skin stuff.

Veritate Thu 04-Oct-12 22:12:44

Claw4, you really need a solicitors' firm which deals with both education and care issues and which offers legal aid. Although you presumably don't qualify, it sounds like there are issues which could be dealt with in your son's hame, e.g. the fact that the school is sending him home when it can't cope, which amounts to unlawful exclusion. You could still keep the tribunal appeal with the original solicitor (though she does sound pretty expensive!) if you don't want to change horses at this stage. Alternatively you could try people like IPSEA and SOS SEN.

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 22:45:50

Claw nothing much to add except next time the school call you could say you are too far away to collect and if your DS is too ill to be at school they should take him to the GP or A&E. Presumably doctors are allowed to look at bottoms. I find it hard to believe schools aren't
They seem to manage to change children who have accidents and diarrhoea quickly enough.
I would video as much as you can.
I would wait and see if sw is helpful in report. You know by now what they say and what they do once clobbered by managers is not always the same

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 22:58:42

Star, It is the EP who you are thinking of, i will give him a call. Ds is telling me every day literally the same thing, so should be easy enough to catch it totally unprompted on video, especially when he comes out of school in tears and tells me exactly why he is crying.

I cannot believe the IEP target, NOT to ask a teacher, but to ask a 'friend', if he cant understand once the teacher has explained it twice, what on earth makes them think a child can explain it better and how on earth is he supposed to ask a 'friend' who doesnt even want to sit next to him and moves their chair away from him.

The most frustrating thing is they have recommendations from 3 different SALT's including LA SALT and 2 different EP's telling them he will need language recast, photographs or visuals as to the steps required to complete a task

coff he wont go swimming and he never wear shorts, i will take pictures and do as suggested, keep them for now. I think a referal to a paed is a good idea too, whoever suggested that.

Maria thanks i have saved that link

Vert They are not saying they cant cope, they were saying ds had hurt himself and was upset by this today and the time before that he wasnt well enough because of him complaining about leg ache and breathing. Will see what my solicitors suggests, when they reply to my email. I could phone them tomorrow

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:17:23

Claw - can you not change schools? I just feel that, even with a statement, this school is never going to work with you and support your son. I am sorry but they do not want to know and will seek to undermine provision at every turn. They will be evidence gatherers against you.

Sorry to be pessimistic but been there done that.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:20:47

Hi Agnes, i know why they called as they have already reported me to SS for 'taking inappropriate photographs of my son' ie the self harm photos.

Although even this has become diluted over time, they made the allegation to me in writing, but told SW who visited 'they had concerns about my request to home school ds and i had refused to communicate with the school and refused a CAF' None of which is true.

Yes, good idea to wait for report. I think i am just so desperate to get ds some help and i really dont know where to turn, but i dont want to come across as desperate to a SW

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 23:22:21

AE I think from memory Claw feels she has a better chance at tribunal with this crap school than moving to new school in case tribunal is swayed by promises a new school may dream up and tribunal feel it has to give new school a chance. I think she feels she will have a better chance against the devil she knows. I think she then plans to move.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:24:39

Ok, thanks. It's just much easier to fight for provision with the school onside then when your facing a lying school who are clearly prepared to do anything to undermine your case.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:25:25

I just speak from experience of being in both positions.

Also this school IS a new school who are reporting same as old school (though in early days before LA got at em, looked promising), that anxiety caused by mum.

Last tribunal lost on basis that new shiny school promised to back her then didn't and promised services subsequently undelivered.

It's a matter of sitting tight and let it all play out now. But the poor poor boy.

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:33:37

AE ds has only gone back to that school in order to have EP assessment done, on advice of solicitor. I knew full well that ds would fall flat on his face and start self harming again. I was in two minds, as my GP had signed ds off sick, but solicitor was saying an EP assessment in school was my best chance.

LA kind of forced my hand, by writing to my GP and informing him that a team of experts had assessed ds and that he doesnt show any signs of anxiety or self harm in school. So my GP stated if that was case then ds could return to school.

So i am having to bide my time, but it is worse than i thought it would be, the change in ds in only a few short weeks is dreadful. He is usually so passive, he is now punching himself in the face, getting angry at the slightest little thing, not sleeping, not eating, he cant breath when i take him to school, he is crying when i pick him up.

He was a totally different child when he wasnt at school, we made so much progress with eating, sleeping, he was playing with me and just a relaxed, happy kid.

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 23:34:39

Claw I think you just need to know if this sw is on side. I wasn't thinking of you looking desperate more the report getting sidetracked.

We had a SALT telling us she was blown away by change in DS since he started ABA, she borrowed a video from us about ABA to watch and said she was going to recommend ABA in her report. Report arrived no mention of ABA. We faked 'surprise' and she admitted that her manager had made her remove all mention of ABA on basis that they could not prove it was the ABA responsible! Even those with good intentions seem to lack the balls to stand up to their managers and most of these reports do not see daylight until a manager has signed them off. We later found out via FOI the Manager was anti ABA and indeed she wrote a report accusing us of neglect for having DS tutored by strangers for 47 hours a week depriving him of parental love and attention which she felt was crucial to his language development and she tried at the last minute to get herself in as a witness at tribunal to tell the tribunal this.DS was actually doing 15 hours a week ABA and the only 'tutors' were us, his parents, as we had no money to hire anyone else! The SEN Officer had told her we were taking them to tribunal for 47 hours ABA (35 hours a week plus 12 hours nursery placement - in fact we asked for 35 hours including nursery placement) and SALT then wrote report saying we were leaving DS with tutors at age 2 for 47 hours a week)

SO just saying wait until the report is in. Hopefully it will be a good one, you really deserve some good luck. But I lost confidence in professionals writing what they really think in reports years ago.

AgnesDiPesto Thu 04-Oct-12 23:39:26

x-posted
Claw, you are amazing. I don't know how you are getting through this. I feel so so angry for you and your boy.
AE this tribunal is just to get a SA - still a long way off getting a Statement with any actual provision. She can't risk another school not backing her.

Claw I agree ring the EP and tell them what you have told us. Ask if they can't bump someone else and bring the appointment forward.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:39:26

Sorry Claw, it all sounds very desperate. Can you chase your EP and tell her/him you will take a cancellation?

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:44:25

AE i lost at last Tribunal for refusing to issue a statement (NIL)

1. I didnt take any witnesses

2. School were supporting my request, so i didnt bother getting copy of school file etc, they changed their minds at the last minute.

3. School told a pack of lies about the help ds was getting and well about everything. I was expecting they would tell the truth!

4. After Tribunal i wrote to school asking for copies of everything they relied on at Tribunal and asking them to clarify that ds meet targets on the unevaulated IEP's they provided (targets repeated, success criteria lowered etc)

5. School failed to provide any of this and i requested copy of school file, it didnt exist. I found post it notes on my letters setting out the lies they would tell me and they had even written 'to cover' x, y z 'lets say' copies of unmet targets, no programmes etc, etc.

6. School became very hostile after this and when i applied for SA again, reported me to SS.

appropriatelyemployed Thu 04-Oct-12 23:47:52

Claw, I am really sorry and I know what it's like to have the system against you and you have been treated appallingly.

Can I do something? Write for you to anyone? I have headed notepaper!

claw4 Thu 04-Oct-12 23:51:18

AE, yes that is my plan of action for tomorrow to phone EP, apparently he is very good and very much in demand, but i will give it a try.

claw4 Fri 05-Oct-12 00:00:36

Thanks AE that is really kind of you, but might add even more confusion to an already confusing situation!

It helps to post here, to help me stay focussed and that is often enough, just to spill it all out and think straight. I was panicking a bit, its difficult and i feel so helpless not being able to help ds immediately.

This must be torture claw. I cannot imagine.

I'm not sure I can do much to help except perhaps email the EP too and beg!?

appropriatelyemployed Fri 05-Oct-12 00:03:55

The offer is there - don't be shy if you change your mind, PM me.

If you want me to email as your friend then you'll need to PM your surname

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