Do your SN children who go to school come home and take it out on you whenthey have had a bad day?

[rainthepain]

My 15 yr old son with Aspergers came home today screaming and shouting because he had been left in an unsupervised classroom with 30 drama students who thought it was amusing to chant his name until the teacher returned. He screamed slammed doors threw things about and used the 'f' word hundreds of times. Thestrange thing was I hardly looked up from the job I was doing because I am so used to it now and have learned to switch off a bit. My husband sorted him out (i think) anyway the house is still in one piece and noone is hurt so he must have calmed down eventually!

[saadia]

very sorry to hear that your son had to go through that, hope he is feeling better.

[octavia]

Your poor boy thats awful for him.My son is only 6, if he has had a bad day he has 10 mins on his own where he lets of steam using certain gestures ( a bit hard to explain, but he sort of uses his hands/fingers to draw things in the air)then I go in and sit down with him. If he's ready he will come over for a cuddle and we will chat about our day and eventually he will tell me the problem.If he continues to jump around and gesture, then I go out again and try again after 5 mins.I dont want to stop him doing this as its his way of coping, but neither do I want him to think I dont care about him by not going to see him. we are very lucky ( me and dh) that he can tell us whats wrong, many of the children I have read about on MN cannot.

[essbee]

Message withdrawn

[KarenThirl]

Yes rain, very often. J is almost 7 and has had a very bad period of doing this, although recently he's been much better as a result of cranial osteopathy. It's improved his communication skills to the extent that I can reason with him about it not being approriate to hurt or cause damage because he's had a bad day. He's now beginning to be able to hold himself together till he gets home then dash out on his bike for ten minutes to burn off steam and get rid of the frustration. Before that he'd come home kicking the cr*p out of dh and me, trashing the house and screaming. It must be awful for your 15 yr old - kids at that age can be utterly evil to anyone who doesn't fit in. And good on your dh for sharing the load.

[rainthepain]

Karen I am sorry that your son is still having problems with communication hope it improves soon. My son is very articulate now, though he had no speech at five.He uses long posh words like 'disassociate'now which is great but only serves as another difference as far as his peers are concerned.Lots of mums refer to the tempers and if they ever get better. I'd say he will always be vunerable to verocious verbal temper attacks. The trick is to difuse, difuse and difuse long before it gets that far.I find distraction works sometimes, but only if it is something he is interested in. Typical man then!

[rainthepain]

octavia my heart goes out to all you mums who rely on sign language to communicate.My Ds was bad at five but probably not quite so badly affected. Speech therapy and individual learning plans at school gradually improved his language.
Is your Ds having therapy?

[rainthepain]

Teenage children with Autism still get the hormonal stage----a bit like Kevin and Perry meets The Incredible Hulk. You won't like me when I'm mad ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[myalias]

I am really sorry to hear your son having to put up with this. My 9 year old ds with ADD and learning difficulties has had some awful moments at school, he has been called every name under the sun - some too awful to mention. I know what you mean by switching off, it all depends on how I am feeling whether it will upset me or not. I have had days where he has kicked me in the back on the way home from school in front of my friends and their children. He has trashed his room and kicked the door so hard that I thought it would come off the hinges. Once he has got it out of his system he is then calm enough to tell me what the latest bully has called him.

[KarenThirl]

Rain, perhaps I haven't been clear about my son's communication skills! He's incredibly articulate, a real 'verbal diarrhoea' type and never shuts up, but communication is two-way and it's always been difficult getting him to listen and understand information from another person. It's always been a cause for concern when other people have commented on what a 'skilled communicator' he is - I disagree with that because although he can give out information at Olympic standard, getting him to receive it is quite something else. Since the osteopathy he's more open to other people's advice and suggestions and that's what's opened the way for us to give him strategies to manage his anger better than before.

Mind you, after a bad-day tantrum he's very reluctant to talk about it afterwards so often I just have to let it go. I think he feels embarrassed at having caved in to the pressure and wants to forget it ever happened.

myalias, you too with your ds. It's so worrying, isn't it? Our Child and Family dept run behaviour skills courses and they include anger management - J is down to start a group in October and I hope it can help him.

[rainthepain]

Karen could you tell me what the signing involves with children who cant communicate well. Have never heard of it till recently on this site

[KarenThirl]

Sorry rain, can't help you with signing as J's always been very verbal. There are lots of people on here who do use it though, perhaps they'll be able to help you.

[rainthepain]

I think i must have mistaken yuor name for someone elses-- sorry. I have only been aware of the signing from threads on this forum If anyone can tell me what it involves I would be very interested