DS being bullied

[jenk1]

We have just come back from a visit to see DS,s psychologist.
DS has been very agressive and not wanting to leave the house since he went back to school.
Me and DH knew there was something wrong but couldnt get it out of him.

Anyway he opened up to the psychologist and told him he is being bullied by 3 boys in his class.

So i telephoned the head and she,s like "names,class,what are they doing etc etc" really snappy and off with me.
I said "mrs T u know of the problems that DS is having and that the hospital say he is on the autistic spectrum"
"yes i read the report" she says.
"well, he needs extra help in the playground, ie supervision because he cannot defend himself and i am fed up of him coming home upset"
"right i,ll refer him to the learing mentor"
WHAT?
she didnt even ask to see us and when i told her i was keeping him off because he,s distressed she wasnt bothered.
Also one of the boys mothers is a very good freind of mine and ive now got to phone her and tell her before school do, im dreading it and dont know what to say to her,she is having an awful time her DH left her to bring up 4 kids on her own and i feel terrible having to burden her with this.
I really need some advice if any one can help cos i cant think straight at the moment
thanks

[sis]

Jenk, I am so sorry your school's head teacher appears to have such an uncaring approach. I don't have any advice but thought I'd bump this for wiser souls to add a post which is more helpful.

[Thomcat]

Oh Jenk, I'm so sorry to read this, it's heartbreaking for you and your son and i can't believe the head was so unsupportive.
Can yu email her a calm but strong leter ans ask for an appt early next week but until you've seen her and had reassurance you'll keep your son off school. And can you copy in a higher body that might make her sit up and take notice a bit more?

[jenk1]

thing is DS school is being closed in a few months to make way for a new one.

Headteacher hasnt got the new job so she,s not bothered at all with anything.
All funding for SN children has been put on hold and dinner ladies and teaching assistants have had their numbers cut right down.
In our town all the other schools are full because a lot of parents have taken children out of DS school in the run up to the new one being built.
DS freaked out when i mentioned him going to another school, the only other thing would be to homeschool him.
He has been referred for further assesment to an autistic team at the hospital but there is a 3month waiting list before he can get on that.

in the meantime dont know really what to do

[Davros]

I don't think you should phone the other mum immediately. Give it a day or two and see if anything happens. Can you speak to the LEA SEN dept rather than this crap Head?

[jenk1]

davros, dont know if DS qualifies for SEN yet.
Am a bit confused, 2 child psychologists have told me they think he is on the spectrum but they dont know to what extent.
He has been referred to the specialist unit that deals with autism at the hospital but there is a waiting list of at least 3 months.
In the meantime the psychologists are seeing DS every week to try and help him with his anxiety and mood swings, school wont give any extra help because he,s not been through the complete asessment.

We are sort of in a limbo, 2 professionals have told us he has ASD but that he needs further asessment so what r we meant to think, does he have it or not?

My family are now saying "so he hasnt got it after all" its really bugging me and DH.

dont know why im ranting at u...sorry

[jenk1]

well went in to DS school this morning to have a chat with the learning mentor.

She had on instruction pulled the 3 boys who have been bullying DS into her class yesterday and spoke to them.

2 of them admitted doing it but my freinds son didnt.

I had to tell my friend last night cos she would find out but when she questioned her son he denied it and she believes him.
My neice is at the same school and told me she sees friends DS picking on my DS quite often.
Anyway learning mentor believes DS version of events as she has had dealings with friends DS in the past.
She sat there and said to DS "you need to come and tell me when theres a problem my doors always open, if u dont tell me i cant do anything about it"
i thought - hang on- he CANT communicate properly thats the problem.
She wasnt even aware that DS has special needs and that hospital consider him to be AS/ASD.
She was shocked.
Head Teacher didnt even tell her whats been going on!
She was very apologetic and has promised to watch him very carefully as she is in the playground a lot.
Feel a bit better now, she wasnts to see me and DH after school to have a chat about DS.
At last someone is taking our concerns seriously

[Davros]

Jenk, sorry I should read (and remember) what people post a bit better
Sounds like progress but a shame your friend believes her son, I don't know why parents do that, resist believing anything remotely bad about their child when we all know what little buggers they can be! Every time I've heard of a parent doing that they've had to admit it in the end. I hope it doesn't cause too much bad feeling.

[jenk1]

After school we had a meeting with DS and the learning mentor.

It seems the day went really well the lads who were bullying DS apologised and played with him all day in fact they were making sure that nobody else touched him!

DS said he was ok apart from being in assembly when they played M Peoples song "proud" it made him think of home and start crying....

Dont know why cos i never play it at home!

Anyway DS seems a little bit happier.

Oh just to add when we went in to see learning mentor my friend was coming out, she told me she was just making sure that the mentor was aware that her DS hadnt done anything wrong and that he wasnt in any trouble!

I dont know....