valued opinions again ..please..........

[anniebear]

Most of you know, one of my 4 year old twins has just started reception at Mainstream and the other has carried on at her Special School.

On Friday afternoon, Ellie is going to Graces MS School with a helper for the afternoon, if these Fridays go well, it will increase.

Do you think I should ask the Teacher to have a word with the children and very very simply explain that Ellie was very poorly as a baby and her brain is a little poorly so she cant do some things that they can do?

Or just leave it for them to work it out by themselves?

Ellie is doing well but will be very behind the other children and I am sure they will notice that there is something different about her (although nothing visual)

I am not expecting any of them to be really nasty at the age of 4, but do you think it would be better for them to know she is a little different?

I don't want them just to think she is a naughty child??

[Saker]

I don't think telling them would be a bad thing. I think children see things differently and are quite accepting at that age. I remember when my NT Ds1 was at nursery he talked to me a few times about a little boy in his group. One time he happened to say something about his special chair and it turned out that he was in a wheelchair. But unlike most adults that was not the first thing that Ds1 told me, nor did he think it particularly relevant.

But it can work both ways. When we went to a friend's house the other day, her ds2 who is the same age as my Ds2 said straightaway, "Don't let him in the playroom Mummy, he might put something in his mouth", and then later "Don't let him upstairs". I guess Mummy had had words beforehand about Ds2, and it did result in him getting treated differently.

Sorry that doesn't help much. I think it would be worth asking the teacher's opinion as to the best way to handle it. Has she (or even he!) had any experience of this type of thing before? Or have any of the other teacher's had any experience and can advise?

[Merlot]

Hi anniebear

I think I would have a general chat with the teacher to ask how she plans on handling the situation. You never know, she may have been planning to say something along the lines of what you wanted to say, anyway and it would be good to know exactly what she plans to say.

Also, from what you have said in the past, Grace might well have beaten you to it and have explained to all her little friends about Ellies `poorly brain' already!

[anniebear]

lol

she has most probably told them the ins and outs of Brains, Meningitis and hydrocephalus

She could well be taking a lesson next week!!!!!!

[coppertop]

I agree that it's a good idea to ask the teacher. The children in ds1's class seemed to pick it up as they went along IYSWIM. They learned fairly quickly that there were certain things that ds1 couldn't tolerate. There are also a few other children in his class who have different types of SN and the rest of the class just seem to accept them for who they are IYSWIM.

[anniebear]

Had a word before.

I said I was worried about the others thinking she is a naughty child

and she said "belive me, I don't think she will look naughty compared to a lot of them"!!!!!!!

lol

Think she is going to leave it and maybe explain if the need arrives

I said I will leave it to her judgement

[Davros]

I think you did the right thing annie and its a good opportunity to "bond" with the teacher. You've also got your little spy there in Grace!

[nikkie]

Befor my kids went to school they used to attend a m&t at the school I work(SEN) mmy eldest (NT) never even noticed a lot of the probs.1 boy severe CP blind w/c and all she said 'shame he can't speak' and my dd2 knew to touch him when she spoke to get a reation. Both became quite friendly with 2 little girls (DS) and never commenton any 'differences'.

[aloha]

Saker - my ds is a great 'mouther' as well. I think I'd be very upset in that situation.
Anniebear, what about suggesting that the teacher has a talk generally about strengths and weaknesses - that everyone has things that they are good at and things they aren't good at and the important thing is to help each other.

[Thomcat]

Hmmm, maybe discuss with teacher and see what her thought s are, but initially my thoughts are that kids will just accept and not really question it. I think a simple, "Ellie needs a bit more help' line would suffice rather than having a poorly brain.

[Saker]

Aloha, only just noticed this.

Ds2 doesn't actually put toys in his mouth usually so I don't really know where that came from anyway! I understood why she'd tried to explain things before but did feel a bit sad that he was treated differently.

[aloha]

I have to say, I'm not sure I'd want an 'explanation' in a social setting, more just a reiteration of normal rules of behaviour - be kind, polite and helpful etc.
Think in a classroom situation it's best to talk about everyone - not just pick out the child with SN. After all, we all have areas of weakness.

[Jimjams]

although that depoends aloha. At nursery ds1's manager would say "ds1 (and other children) find it difficult to talk and therefore sometimes they get cross and we have to x, y and z" and the kids were great.

At sschool they wouldn;t do this- but then ds1's was expected top behave the same as the other kids but couldn't. For example his first week there he learned the name of his LSA ("tracey") then wastold she had to be Mrs X- he could make an approximation of Tracey (ay-ee) but bnot Mrs X-so suddenly he couldn;t use her name. BUt I was told it wasn;t fair on the other children as they would have to say Mrs X.
Likewise biscuits. Stupid fruit rule- he won;t eat fruit- result byu 11am crawling the rules wih hunger but not allowe3d to eat the food he would eat (biscuits) (unetil year 1 when his teacher had more sense)

Because they wouldn;t explain that he was diffewrent- he waqs expected to behave like the others- which he couldn't do.

Thabnk goid he;s at a school now where ha can eat biscuiits and call teachers (and headmasters!) by their first names!

[Saker]

the reaction of other children is one of the things I find hardest. Whenever we have Ds1's friends to tea they go on and on about how Ds2 is using his fingers to eat and what a mess he is in. Sometimes when we go to other people's houses the children start a "Oh no he's coming" type of game. I understand why in a way, as he is likely to knock over their things accidentally or sometimes on purpose but it breaks my heart to see him rejected.

[anniebear]

I agree Jimjams

I think a simple explanation does no harm.

She is different to the others and with the Disability being not being visable to look at her , other children may not know why she is doing certain things.

Think it does them good to be told and it can then be a way of teaching them that yes, there are children with special needs. How else will they learn?

[aloha]

What I mean is that it is an excellent opportunity for a whole class discussion about strengths and weaknesses and differences in which it can become clear that the whole point is that we all have differences and that it is unacceptable to bully or pick on kids for them, and it is good to help and assist each other. In the course of this discussion, we might ask the kids to think of things like, say Kid A can't talk well or kid B can't walk yet. Just so it's not, everyone is the class is perfect, except child A, so you perfect ones must make allowances. I simply think that the idea that we all must make allowances for each other and help each other seems healthier to me.
Jimjams, that school was mad. I think half those rules are mad anyway. And tbh I think seriously thinking about individual needs and responsibilities would mean realising that some children may need different food, or to use different names for people. It's about recognising differences in a healthy way. I hope this makes sense.

[aloha]

Saker, I bet those kids aren't perfect. I would be v tempted to say, hmmm, but you can't do X or Y. As for the 'games', if the parents won't clamp down on this kind of antisocial behaviour then I think you are Ok to say, 'that's a very unkind way to talk' - having said that, when kids have run away from ds, we ended up leaving a lunch because dh couldn't trust himself not to explode!

[Jimjams]

makes complete sense aloha- I was shocked by the ms school attitude. It really was "all the children have to do the same we can't have 1 rule for one and one rule for the others" and I was saying- but he's severely autistic- the other children can see that he's not remotely like them - they can have it explained to them. Mid you the school seemed to think it was their job to normalise ds1 whcih missed the point completely.