dont believe it

[jenk1]

this year has been so stressful with DS being diagnosed as AS and also myself and my dd being shunted from doctor to paediatrician to dietician and back again with her allergies,getting no help from my nearest and dearest and having to get help from outside cos my family arent interested so u would think what could go wrong now?

Well let me tell u

I have heard this morning through the grapevine that is the little town that i happen to live in that DS biological father has kicked his drugs habit and is asking questions all round his former drinking habits for information on DS, he has found out that DS has AS and wants to see me to talk about it. AND he has been watching DS playing out and also he has been standing near to DS school watching him in the playground.

This is a bit freakey.
Will post more on DS dads history in a mo as DD has just woken up

[Suzyfloozypuddingandpie]

Poor you. I hope things work out for you. x

[jenk1]

DS biological dad and myself split when i was 4 months PG due to his heavy drinking.

He was in and out of DS life up to the age of 6 when he decided HE couldnt cope with seeing DS anymore as he needed to "sort his head out" he was taking drugs and heavily drinking at this time.
He had previously done this before when DS was about 3 and had not seen him for a few months, however i decided to give him a second chance as he,s not a bad person just got in with a bad crowd.
2 years ago he phones and says he doesnt want to see DS anymore i tell him this is it last chance-he says hes not bothered.

My sister saw him over the weekend he,s making i want to see my son noises and has told her that he "watches" him playing out on the street and in the playground,- the street where i live is just full of families with kids and all the kids are in and out of each others houses its a really good street to live on, thing is i dont know how i havent seen him cos im more often than not sat outside keeping an eye on DS.

Feeling really panicky now as DS was very insecure when his BD was in hid life and he is very secure and happy with me and DH now.

If BD(biological dad) wants to see him i dont know what to do, i dont want to be the one to stop DS from seeing his dad but IMO it can only lead to hearache.
BD pays csa as well so i suppose he will think its his "right" to see DS,
I havent told DH yet as he,s at work but he will hit the roof,
Dont know what to do feeling very upset and panicky

[Chocol8]

Hi Jenk, I know where you're coming from, having been there and done some of that - and my ds has AS/ADHD too. However, it was over 6 years ago and things change, so no idea what happens now, sorry.

Think you may be able to access a little more help on "Relationships" as I have posted on here before and there are alot more people who will know the law regarding birth dads/access etc.

From what I understand, it will make a big difference (obviously) if you were married, as I was unfortunately!

Sorry if this is not very useful, but hope you can get some help soon. x

[kelli22]

i would want him to go to court for access, if a judge ruled that he was fit to see his son then i would probably have to allow it, but the reason i think he should go to court is so that he has to pay for it (to prove its not a whim, and he won't desert your ds at the drop of a hat)

also a judge can order a drugs test to make sure he is clean. hth

[jenk1]

thanks kelli thats a good way of looking at it

[coppertop]

Blimey! I bet this is the last thing you need right now.

It's strange that he's talking to everyone else about this except you. I don't have any experience though so have absolutely no idea what to suggest. I suppose that if he really is a changed character then it could be useful for you to have someone around who could take ds out and give you a break. I like Kelli's idea of getting him to make it an official agreement though.