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What is the point of a CAF/TAC meeting?

(71 Posts)
KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 11:39:42

How is it intended to work?

Is it of benefit? If so how?

FioFio Wed 15-Sep-10 11:41:40

Message deleted

Message withdrawn

phlebas Wed 15-Sep-10 12:28:18

well we're going through the CAF process atm - have been for months - because nursery want couple of hours 1-1 funding. I've just had the form returned from the LA because I refused to answer anything I didn't consider to be relevant to getting 2 hours a week (90% of the questions). I'm not sure they serve any purpose tbh - just a load of waffle & intrusion.

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 12:31:53

We have one but the professionals meeting was a result of the CAF

I have a meeting on Friday & so far I have written
"Why are we having a CAF meeting? All the decisions are being made without my, my husband’s or my daughter’s consent or agreement, why am I even here?

Decisions I had put into place or instigated have been removed or cancelled as a result of a professionals meeting.

I have no written evidence that the course of action which has been decided upon is effective. It goes against all instinct and in fact the evidence proves the opposite to be true."

Obviously it need work & amending & adding to but I'm feeling a bit ignored & abandoned atm

Message withdrawn

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 14:17:00

OK

So far I have:
"Why are we having a CAF meeting?

All the decisions are being made without my, my husband’s or my daughter’s consent or agreement, why am I even here? Decisions I had put into place or instigated have been removed or cancelled as a result of a professionals meeting.

• I have sought emotional support for DD through a charity for VI children. They have been told not to let DD attend and removed the youth worker who had arranged to see DD throughout the summer.
• I instigated a 121 for DD through the single area panel, this has been stopped
• I have been told to stop her drumming and singing lessons – I haven’t as I don’t see them as connected to her sight.

I keep being told I need CBT despite the lady I was sent to suggesting that I need emotional support rather than CBT. I have since arranged this for myself as the GP seemed incapable or unwilling to help.

I have no written evidence that the course of action which has been decided upon is effective. It goes against all instinct and in fact the evidence proves the opposite to be true, which can be seen by my evidence, that of my father and independent evidence provided by TJ."

My report on DD

"During the holidays DD has appeared happy and bubbly. She seems to enjoy Drumming, music lessons & socialising with her friends although she misses joining in with Look activities. She hasn’t read, or participated in any ‘close work’ although she enjoyed a drama summer school and several dancing events. Her sight seemed to remain at the level it was at the end of last term.

Whilst on our family holiday she struggled with the new environment and often bumped into things or got ‘lost’.

As a return to school approached she has seemed more and more anxious and she has showed fear of attending school and frustration that she must attend. She has reported to her Grandmother that she is ‘always’ being teased and that she hates it. Her sight has also been observably worse, although not as bad as it was in March, it seems definitely worse than it was in July."

My Dad's thoughts:
"DD

These appear to be facts or factually based opinion on the basis of our knowledge:

1. There is nothing physically wrong with DD’s eyes.

2. Her reported perception of sight was improving during the late term and summer school holidays, though it remained poor at close distances.

3. It may have deteriorated close to the end of the holidays and into the new term though her mid-distance and long sight remains improved. Unless DD is an actor of consummate skill her sight in relation to close work remains very poor and functionally inadequate for much of her schoolwork.

4. From the early onset of improvement her parents have accepted that, notwithstanding their concerns about a possible physical cause for DD’s loss of visual acuity there was little medically to do except to accept the diagnosis of a physiological disorder.

5. DD has apparently been entirely happy with all her out of school activities. She has proved a real talent at the drumming lessons and enjoys this activity. She has related to the LOOK outings and events as social occasions rather than anything that mark her out as special. The ‘Belle Indifference’ syndrome seems to remain firmly rooted.

6. She has complained to her Grandmother about boys teasing her at school about whether she can really see or not. This appears not to be based on an isolated example but she will not provide detail. Her Grandmother is taking the view that she should simply try and ignore these events, as her indifference to them is most likely to persuade them to desist.

7. She is less happy at school than she was last term.

8. Katymac has discussed her attitudes and behaviour with the referred cognitive therapy practitioner who can see no value in this therapy, as the therapist does not believe that Katymac’s behaviours or concerns are irrational. (This tends to reinforce the opinion of the family psychologist that Kate’s conduct has been rational within a very disturbing set of events and that little has been done to try and sympathise with her position or allay her concerns. May not include this bit

9. It is concerning to the family that the meeting of ‘professionals’, which we understand recommended the withdrawal of support and the discontinuance of any extra-curricula activity which DD may relate to her sight, has not provided to the family any evidence based reason for their conclusions or any particular advice on how she is to continue without support at school.

10. Our belief is that the school has been the most pro-active and consistent source of help and support. Furthermore the school’s knowledge of DD is such that they are probably best placed to determine what and how much specialist and general support she requires. I am afraid that my own experience of specialist medical services is that they too often operate without due regard to the context in which they deliver their opinions and operate their protocols."

TJ's
"improving and DD has settled back into school, as I did notice that when I came to visit you at the beginning of the Summer for your unannounced visit she seemed very content but was very subdued when I came at the end of the Summer." from an email

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 15:30:00

"I keep being told I need CBT despite the lady I was sent to suggesting that I need emotional support rather than CBT. I have since arranged this for myself as the GP seemed incapable or unwilling to help."

The CBT lady has been approached by the head of the CAF, and all of a sudden I do need it hmm

orsinian Wed 15-Sep-10 15:49:46

You are heading for a false accusation of MSBP/FII.

It's a virtual certainty. Cognitive Behavior Therapy, then the report, then a 'suspicion raised' and then wham! Go direct to MSBP/FII World, if for nothing else but to get you to be quiet.

I don't mind being proven wrong, but la belle indifference is classed as a factitious disorder and there has been a tendency in the last decade to determine that women cause such disorders, in a similar fashion to the idea in the UK that women cause autism (look up Bruno Bettleheim and autism in Google). The old 'Refrigerator Mom' concept has been replaced by something much more pernicious.

And Evidence Based Research is absolutely a 'bad phrase' amongst UK professionals; they absolutely do not like that phrase and it gets a lot of them a bit cross.

roundthebend4 Wed 15-Sep-10 17:55:06

Oh that sounds familar I was scared put my wits as seemed wAs heading for same accusation cp the lot to stop me asking for resources was not sw that tried it was the resource team leader who never even met ds or us and a shitty paed we seen once oh and hv that's been offering support lol she seen us once in March

Till thank feck neuro and orthopeadics and the salt even the physio waded in even sw on our side and said ffsshe is notAdd your message here (See our Talk guidelines)
making him disabled he is and now seems all gone now all of a suddern that ov yes ds is disabled

but I won't ever trust anyone again in the proffesional world and will prefer to go it alone

Message withdrawn

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 18:17:45

Oh - OK

& how worried do I need to be?

Message withdrawn

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 18:52:45

You see - I am worried abut this

I'm writing it all down but I can't show them/give it in because I am too scared

Message withdrawn

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 19:03:22

I think choosing to do the CAF while I have PMT is quite brave; doing it the week the hospital has announced DH is going back in for a fortnight is again brave or foolish

Instead of:
I have no written evidence that the course of action which has been decided upon is effective. It goes against all instinct and in fact the evidence proves the opposite to be true, which can be seen by my evidence, that of my father and independent evidence provided by TJ

How about:
• When my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, my dad with a slipped disc, my brother with rheumatoid arthritis, I immediately went on line to find out causes, prognoses, treatments; all of which I have found however I have no written evidence that the course of action which has been decided upon is standard or effective. It goes against all instinct and in fact the evidence proves the opposite to be true, which can be seen by my evidence, that of my father and independent evidence provided by TJ

??

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 19:38:14

stressing again

mariagoretti Wed 15-Sep-10 19:44:44

....worried enough to request that they have your family and your daughter assessed by someone in child and family psychology or child protection who really knows about somatising / factitious illness / MBP / conversion disorders (preferably all of the above)... don't wait for SS to cobble something together when they decide it's an emergency and can only get a non-expert.

It may be helpful to say that you and your husband and the grandparents would like support and strategies in helping to overcome dd's psychological barriers to recovery, and ensuring that there are no underlying family dynamics or unacknowleged anxieties contributing.

DO NOT risk suggesting that anyone is incompetent (even if you think they are), do not appear to be angry (even when you have good reason), do not appear to be needy (even when you are and it's someone else's fault) as social services may consider that to be evidence you're in denial / unbalanced etc...

roundthebend4 Wed 15-Sep-10 20:36:55

yes and most of all take someone with you a to keep record of whats said and b to say ok we need a 5 minute break if they think your close to losing it

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 21:38:52

But everyone who was independent went to the professionals meeting & has never been seen since sad

I am by myself - My dad is with my aunt (the one with cancer) my mum is more emotional than I am, DH is due to go into papworth so he is quite poorly sad

justaboutawinegumoholic Wed 15-Sep-10 21:54:50

Katy - is there anyone who you can get to go to the meeting and speak for you?

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 21:56:18

If my cousin arrives from Australia in time & my dad can drive back he will come

Otherwise my mum might she will just get upset

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 22:17:44

I don't know who else I could take - the lady from the charity backed off, the Parent Support Adviser is the lead professional so no help there

My ladies have to cover for me as I'm not at work & DH is poorly

KatyMac Wed 15-Sep-10 22:59:59

Do you know I've been pretty calm, chilled etc & this looms after DD talks about bullying & I get paranoid & hysterical again - how pathetic

daisy5678 Wed 15-Sep-10 23:34:42

Not pathetic - crappy situation. Good luck.

roundthebend4 Thu 16-Sep-10 06:21:40

Good luck if lived nearer would offer to come hold your hand

stay calm,foccused and in control take as much evidence as you can and keep note of main bullet points of who said agreed to do what then get people to sign AT the meeting

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 07:34:23

Ah thanks givemesleepandsomerevenge

That's really kind of you roundthebend4, but tbh they are doing everything they say they are going to - I just don't agree with it.

orsinian Thu 16-Sep-10 10:29:38

mariagoretti advice is the best.

I've sat in with women accused of MSBP/FII and in every case the false accusation could be avoided had the 'victim' known it was coming, or likely to come. Being aware of the possibility is normally enough to avoid an accusation, you can be on your guard and take the suggested steps to avoid a false accusation.

In essence you can find yourself walking on eggshells with these people; the MSBP/FII mechanism is so easy to use that it is routinely abused by those inclined to employ it. But it needs a consensus of individuals to allow it to be employed against a woman. There might be no-one in the meeting inclined to employ it, but it only takes one to take exception against you and in the false allegation goes.

Presenting yourself as being critical of the suggestions made ("I see no evidence") is a fast-track to a false accusation. The nature of the use of the MSBP/FII false allegation regime is such that this is the most popular 'trigger' for it; being critical of service providers. The other trigger is if a woman comes over as too 'vulnerable' or 'needy' in which case the false allegation goes in just to satisfy a vindictive desire to teach a woman 'a good lesson'.

You might just have to simply nod dutifully, hold your tongue, put your brain into neutral (some of these people hate the concept of intelligent women) wear a wimple and accept that you have to run through the hoops and obstacles that your are presented with, if ultimately you get either what you want, or something useful. The key is to not say anything that might sound even vaguely out-of-turn, and don't dispute anything unless it is crucial for your cause.

If all this sounds bizarre, like it's advice lifted from the 17th century - then it is. The world of MSBP/FII is unlike anything experienced by women in the UK for centuries, and the false allegation regime has been in place until at least 1997. It is peculiar though to the UK - women in say the Spain or France or Sweden will never have to worry about such matters. In the US the false MSBP/FII regime is restricted really to divorce/allimony hearings.

It tickles me sometimes when I see a MumsNet discussion about going to Feminism in London 2010 or some similar event; the issues of how women are routinely abused by officialdom in these situation are NEVER discussed at these events, and some of the abusers will be those who profess themselves to be 'feminist'.

There is lots of good advice on the 'Net. Most of it though relates to women who run into the MSBP/FII false allegation regime with respect to Autism Spectrum Disorders. Nonetheless, the experiences of Janet Loxley-Blount are well worth reading.

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 11:17:25

May move to Sweden then - we have family there & would have support while we set up <sigh>

Put up & shut up is not the easiest to do

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 13:32:19

No - it's no good; I really want to know why the head of the CAF teams name is doing in my medical records

Does that strike anyone else as odd?

orsinian Thu 16-Sep-10 13:36:01

Essentially, are you getting good or bad vibes from them?

if its good, i.e. they want to offer you this that and everything else and can't wait to suggest something good, then stick with it.

If it's not, i.e. everything is done with a huff and puff and a bit of a moan, and it all seems like its all too much of a burden for them...then beware.

You fit one of the MSBP/FII profiles (well actually it's nigh impossible for any woman with a child to not fit a profile); unusual condition in your child, perhaps unusual family setup, intelligent, questioning/critical of provision). I would be reluctant to say withdraw from the process, because you could miss out on something really useful.

It's similar to the situation with domestic pets. Take a cat or dog to the vet and you are fine. Take anything else, say a bearded dragon, then the vet rolls their eyes and gives you a look that says 'why didn't you just have a dog?' The same with these folk, they are trained through Working Together to Safeguard Children to look for anything, absolutely anything 'unusual'.

The current regime is to regard anything 'unusual' in a child, such as psychiatric conditions, ASD's etc, as being caused by mum. That's why EBP (Evidence-Based Practice) and EBR (Evidence-Based Research) are so disliked in the UK.

Sweden is perhaps the most extreme example going the other way you could find; EBP/EBR is widely used, and Swedish professionals view their UK peers as if something smelly in on the sole of their shoes. The Fran Lyon scandal (she scarpered to Sweden) of 2007 is a great example.

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 13:41:38

Yes but it's one of the few places I would have family support and DD could intergrate into the school system fairly easily

Whether they would recognise my qualifications a they are into pedagogy at this age range - however my job appears to 'at risk' anyway <sigh>

They are removing everything I put I place to help DD

So what do I write to take with me?

orsinian Thu 16-Sep-10 13:55:41

Write a summary of what you are going to say when it is your chance to speak.

Say it aloud a few times for practice.

Be brief - brevity is always appreciated

Individually thank the persons involved, whether they are there or not - they love praise, the same as anyone else does.

If you bring along any research papers or anything academic, don't take too much - smartalecs are not appreciated. Make it clear though you have some insights into D's condition.

Lay out the strategy you would like followed, but try to incorporate some of the suggested strategies that others have suggested, even if you disagree with them. That way it becomes difficult to unpick which bit they want discontinued, as later on in the process, they will have forgotten who suggested what.

Try to use the same vocabulary they use. This is tough, but you might be able to pick it up from submitted reports and correspondance.

If you have an ally in the meeting, don't overuse them; they will be classified as having 'gone native' by the others.

Never interrupt, even if what is being said is%oll_ck$!

Ensure that at the end a summary of steps to be taken and who responsible for each step, and the timeline is detailed by the chairperson.

At the end ensure everyone is thanked for their assistance and attendance.

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 14:01:15

Sorry orsinian, they are not doing anything, they have removed all of DD's support, stopped me getting help for her from a charity, asked me not to claim DLA, suggested CBT for me and told me not to seek any further medical advise for DD

I can (I suppose) agree with all that but I will be furious if DD falls/is pushed/is hurt as a result

I won't stop her drumming or singing/piano lessons no matter what they say

I don't have any insights in to her condition; I just can't understand how ignoring it will help

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 14:17:05

I have this - is it too negative?
"During the holidays DD has appeared happy and bubbly. She seems to enjoy Drumming, music lessons & socialising with her friends although she misses joining in with Look activities. She hasn’t read, or participated in any ‘close work’ although she enjoyed a drama summer school and several dancing events. Her sight seemed to remain at the level it was at the end of last term.

Whilst on our family holiday she struggled with the new environment and often bumped into things or got ‘lost’.

As a return to school approached she has seemed more and more anxious and she has showed fear of attending school and frustration that she must attend. She has reported to her Grandmother that she is ‘always’ being teased and that she hates it. Her sight has also been observably worse, although not as bad as it was in March, it seems definitely worse than it was in July."

orsinian Thu 16-Sep-10 15:20:47

Then I don't know what to suggest. The risk though is clear; the withdrawal of support may simply be for economic reasons. Push for their resumption and you run the risk of a false MSBP/FII allegation to get you to go away or shut-up.

I know what loss of eyesight is; I have suffered the same briefly during a migraine 'aura', and I know of someone who had a food allergy that resulted in the same, and it took ages to find the compound that caused the problem.

There may be value in considering a move, but don't say; 'medical shopping' is amongst many MSBP/FII profiles.

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 16:31:32

Well I'm going to have to make a decision what to take soon

The CBT lady says it was immediately obvious I wasn't in the same place now as I was in July

I suggested that medication might have helped at the time

She says CBT might have done too but that they had no appointments but that I don't need it now

So will they suggest I see someone else tomorrow I wonder? (I have kind of pre-empted this by arranging some counselling on my terms - privately)

I am at a lost as to how to deal with tomorrow

justaboutawinegumoholic Thu 16-Sep-10 17:44:21

the withdrawal of support may simply be for economic reasons - I doubt that, TBH.

Katy - is there any mileage in just being honest and humble? I can't help but feel that since you now accept a diagnosis of theirs that you were VERY reluctant to agree with a few months ago, they have some grounds for feeling that you are a difficult parent to manage. I mean, I argue with professionals all the time so I am very sympathetic to you but you need to try to rebuild some trust.
It's perfectly possible and possibly quite productive to say at the beginning "look, I was wrong about this and I accept this, it's clearly conversion disorder not a physical cause" and follow it up by saying "But look, can we please chat about the treatment because I really don't understand why you are taking this approach, it looks counter-productive to me, it's harming her in the following ways, can we please try to agree on what is best for my child?" And you can even say "Because I was wrong last time, I am worried you are dismissing my valid concerns now."

I actually think this worry about MSBP/FII is a bit of a red herring, of course you don't want to look mad or deluded but actually you AGREE with their diagnosis, so it's not an issue.

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 18:14:38

What you mean even if I don't

Hmm whatever - I do think now she has non-organic sight loss now & I do agree with "But look, can we please chat about the treatment because I really don't understand why you are taking this approach, it looks counter-productive to me, it's harming her in the following ways, can we please try to agree on what is best for my child?"

They are expecting something written from me & I am completely undecided what to take

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 19:56:55

I do know what you are saying I just doubt my ability to apologise & look like I mean it; I mean I'm not that good even when I do mean it

But I do get what you mean, she has got non organic sight loss now.

But I need to be honest, just not too honest

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 20:53:36

& my dad can't get back from Northampton sad

mariagoretti Thu 16-Sep-10 21:23:25

Can you 'not' apologise, more explain how you tick.

Eg for me, I would say, "I've always been someone who tends to be right, and I usually need a lot of convincing evidence to make me go against my instincts. You've done a good job of explaining why you're likely to be right about x, despite my initial scepticism.

I need you to help me see why you think you're right about y, because my own instincts are saying we should be taking a different approach."

So they'd be my words, and they'd work for me because they're truthful and avoid an apology. What would suit you?

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 21:25:30

That's good - it's similar to this it I wrote:
"When my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, my dad with a slipped disc, my brother with rheumatoid arthritis, I immediately went on line to find out causes, prognoses, treatments; all of which I have found however I have no written evidence that the course of action which has been decided upon is standard or effective. It goes against all instinct and in fact the evidence proves the opposite to be true, which can be seen by my evidence, that of my father and independent evidence provided by TJ"

But it's better - Thanks

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 21:27:56

Is it worth saying I haven't had the minute of the professionals meeting - or am I asking for trouble?

I'm not going to ask why the CAF wrote to my GP - I think that is too big

KatyMac Thu 16-Sep-10 21:50:51

OK to take each point on the list:

Conversion disorder This should now be referred to as Non organic sight loss. It isn't over DD is back to saying it is as bad as it was in March; although it demonstrably isn't that bad, it is worse than it was in July.

I don't understand the current plan for treating DD. I usually need a lot of convincing evidence to make me go against my instincts and beliefs. I need you to help me see why you think you're right about 'ignoring it', because my instincts are telling me that supporting her provided better results.

Eneuresis – No longer present

DH – about to be admitted to Papworth for 2 weeks treatment

KatyMac – saw CBT lady Yesterday. She assures me I do not need CBT. I may have benefited from it back in July but it was not available. I feel I would have been better served by anti-depressants & more general counselling.

DD & the bus – this is working fine despite current levels of sight (friend collecting here from home & drop her off)

Sailing – DD has been concentrating on her music so no sailing has been done

Teasing – DD is reporting ‘always being bullied’

Boredom at school/lessons at school – Still an issue

DLA – DD has been awarded DLA; I have spoken to them several times & each time I have been assured that we are entitled to the money. It is need based and not diagnosis based & unless DD is suddenly psychologically ‘better’ 100% they are not planning on changing their decision.

These are more notes for me - reading the form everything is due to end tomorrow with DD getting no more support as she can see......but she can't see

So I either go along with everything and get it closed or make a fuss - gee what a choice no support or no support & hassle

HE looks very attractive just about now

justaboutawinegumoholic Thu 16-Sep-10 22:04:01

Don't even mention DLA Katymac, it's not their business. if they bring it up you have an answer ready.

Bigpants1 Fri 17-Sep-10 00:01:24

Hi. Agree with above-dont mention the DLA-that is between you and the DLA.
I have been following your posts,and it seems to me, that you are being bullied by this team of "professionals", who, cos you didnt at first agree with their dx, used their position and influence to get you to accept it, and "put you in your place."
Although there is clear guidance that profess. and parents shouold work in partnership, some of these profess. are dinosaurs, and still of the opinion that they are "gods" and not to be questioned.
I do find it concerning, that you were ordered to have CBT-was there a consequence if you didnt?
Make an appoint with your GP-or another in the practise if the one you usually see is being unhelpful, and ask why the head of the CAF team is sending info on YOU to your GP and not your dd.
This team is making their presence felt in every area of your life, and I DONT think MBP is a red herring. I would be VERY cautious of what you say at the meeting, your demeanour, and DONT give any info on future plans/people you might see etc.
Remember, they have stopped a charity from working with you, sent you for CBT and written to your GP. You can be sure, they will speak to the school.
Im not in any way saying you have done anything to warrant any of this, but, IMO, the teams focus is now on YOU and not raelly your dd.
Keep calm at the meeting, nod in all the right places. Politely request the minutes from the Profess. Meeting.
Seriously consider gaining ALL info and reports written re your dd since her condition started under the FOI Act-inc. GP notes etc. All info. you get, should contain e-mails and phone calls. This way, you can see exactly who is saying what and to whom.
Apologies for length of reply, but there is something "not right" here.
Let us know how you get on.

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 07:13:32

Sorry I went to bed

DLA is an action point so I doubt I will get away without mentioning it

Can I ask - if I needed CBT 10 weeks ago & I "quite clearly don't need CBT" now - what benefit would it have had?

The meeting is at the school Bigpants

I may wait until the CAF is closed to request information tbh

I think no support no interference is the way to go - I my parents can buy in support as necessary

justaboutawinegumoholic Fri 17-Sep-10 07:36:38

Did they actually insist, or recommend the CBT?
There's a big difference.

At our CAFF we were recommended to do a parenting course. No one was questioning our parenting skills, it was just a suggestion. It's very normal to have suggestions made to help the parents.

I do agree with Bigpants that you are being bullied into accepting a probably inappropriate treatment course but I think you may be making too much of this CBT issue. If you don't want it, and there is no consequence, well, then it's just a recommendation and you are perfectly at liberty to ignore it. Professionals DO make wellmeaning inappropriate suggestions. It's not on its own anything to be distressed about UNLESS they have linked it to a consequence or implied it's because you can't take care of your child.

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 07:40:42

Well they felt strongly enough about it they contacted my GP about it - which seems a bit off to me

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 07:45:56

It is phrased as "strongly recommended by professionals involved" so apart from the contact with the GP it's only a recommendation.

I'm not going to make much of anything in the meeting - I'm going to keep my head down agree with everything & get it closed. I can't see it helping at all unless they decided to re-instate some support for her.

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 07:47:01

And the paranoia & distress they are causing me far outweighs any small amount of help they can provide for DD

I'm reasonably new to the CAF process but we are in the process of putting one together for ds1 (13). We've only just started pulling in and using support wrt ds but am further down the same line with ds3 (3.3)

We're possibly unusual in that we've had fantastic support every step of the way with ds3 and I've always felt included in decisions and while this has not been the case with ds1, I have some really good support. Our CAF and TAC meetings have always proved very useful and have been good at helping all the professionals =s work together for my ds's.

But my point is, in a CAF meeting (as with TAC and professionals meetings) do you not get to name the lead professional as someone of your choice? This has been our case and it means I know I can trust them to really be working with and for us.

We also have fantastic family workers both boys who are available to us whenever we need and understand the bigger picture not just a specialised area so are great at getting things done.

Do you have this support at all or is the support you have been offered not up to scratch? There should be someone to help and support you with all the. My HV was also brilliant in the early stages before others were involved.

I found ds1's family support worker through a support group I had avoided in the past, how I regret not going sooner. Maybe find out about groups that you could attend, specific to your dd's needs or a more general group support parents. If it's an informal group they can't stop you going surely?

This is not very useful for the immediate future but could make a difference longer term. Good Luck and I hope there's someone you find to give you some support you deserve!

desertgirl Fri 17-Sep-10 08:31:36

Katy, I'm far from an expert but would be inclined not to say 'I feel I would have been better served by....' as to them it may come across as still arguing with them, whereas you need to save your 'arguing' for the key points; agree with them as much as possible on everything else. You could agree beautifully on this one simply by leaving out that sentence - then it shows you followed up on their recommendation, the recommendation may have been appropriate at the time (I know you think it wasn't and you are probably right, but it is a case of picking your battles).

If you want to say more than just your first sentence, say something like 'I have arranged for more general counselling privately' which I think you said is the case?

And on the first point; if you can, put 'I need you to help me see why you are right' not 'why you think you are right' just because 'why you think you are right' comes across a lot worse..... yes I know what you mean, but the revised sentence doesn't actually say they are right, really!

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 08:53:39

I have changed those bits

Gooddaysbaddays - I have participated in a CAF as a professional & unless the parent involved were spectacularly good actors this was a positive and helpful experience for them. It hasn't been for me. This issue is the support I had arranged has been removed - full stop - no discussion & that I am not being told how this will help DD

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 09:09:19

Wish me luck - keep me calm

I'm off

justaboutawinegumoholic Fri 17-Sep-10 09:10:18

Let us know, hold your head high

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 11:22:34

OK

They told me how well she was doing in lessons
Then they told me about the lessons she was having problems in
They told me she hadn't been upset at school
Then they told me that she had been upset on Tuesday & Friday last week plus Monday this week.
They told me she was fine & never needed help
Apart from Tues, Fri & Mon oh & that she went to student services every morning to see them & say hi hmm???
They asked about DH's health & said how hard that was for DD <duh??>
They asked about my health, which is fine & my CBT which I don't need - Oh they said isn't that lovely
They asked about DLA & had an absolute fit about it. I suggested that they sort it out with the DLA
We discussed DD not going to the loo at school & not drinking enough which the school said they knew nothing about (I told them last Sept in writing)
Oh & it's not bullying it's teasing

The CAF was nearly closed as I said it didn't matter as long as everyone was talking to each other, but the Psychologist asked for it to be kept open

Lots of progress....not but at least no other discussions were brought up

Sorry Katy I must have misunderstood!

Doesn't sound like a very productive meeting for you or your dd today. Sorry to hear that

Have no advice as you're obviously more experienced than me with the process anyway! But hope that you do get some good support back and can move forward x

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 13:58:55

Just back from counselling

We reckon there is a whole heap of people who treat me in one way & some other people who treat me differently and I am bewildered by the difference. If everyone treated me in a way I didn't like then it would be me that had the problem & if a small number of people treated me one way & a larger number treated me 'badly' then on the balance of probability it would be my problem.

Does that make sense?

desertgirl Fri 17-Sep-10 14:31:12

Can you think of anything apart from the way they treat you that is different between the two different groups of people?

was there any outcome of the meeting, apart from the fact that the CAF has been kept open (not sure what the implications of that are) - is anyone going to do anything different?

other than, presumably, very frustrated, how are you feeling about it all?

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 14:52:05

Actually I do feel better - DH came with me - which I think modified their behaviours somewhat

Plus the counselling has identified that (on brief inspection - this may change on closer examination) these people are treating me unusually & outside my experience.

But I am tired, very tired

Oh & nothing changes for DD anyway

desertgirl Fri 17-Sep-10 15:51:52

glad DH was able to come with you despite everything going on with him.

Hope you can hang on in there for a while; it does all sound horrible. And I hope you get some really good sleep tonight.

justaboutawinegumoholic Fri 17-Sep-10 19:36:15

It sounds like you handled it superbly, KatyMac, and it sounds like they are talking self-justifying nonsense.

What's your next step, do you think? A complaint to OFSTED?

KatyMac Fri 17-Sep-10 23:09:35

TBH Justa I'm really not sure

It worries me that DD is outside student services each morning I can think of several reasons
1) She wants to be in sight of adults
2) She wants other children to think she tells adults everything
3) She is waiting for them to ask her what is wrong

Her just hanging round doesn't make sense (iyswim)

I guess I need to consider alternative schooling whether HE, private or another comp I don't know - research here I come

justaboutawinegumoholic Sat 18-Sep-10 09:03:40

Have you asked her why she's doing it?

Does she want to leave the school or stay where she is?

KatyMac Sat 18-Sep-10 09:07:44

She is adamant she wants to stay at school

I am planning on discussing it with her today - gently

justaboutawinegumoholic Sat 18-Sep-10 09:20:53

OK, then she needs to have her wishes respected.

KatyMac Sat 18-Sep-10 09:55:07

Absolutely but I also need to know what's going on

miopus Thu 03-Mar-11 22:38:22

KatyMac

Keep on at the Lead Professional until she sorts this out for you

miopus Thu 03-Mar-11 22:39:18

CAF cannot be closed until ALL the needs have been met.

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