Help advice - 7 year old behind at school

(5 Posts)
mindy31 Sun 17-Jul-16 18:48:45

Hi
I posted this message on a different topic and basically been ripped to shreds with what I have written
I am hoping someone on here will understand where I am coming and get what I mean.
So here goes


I just want someone to tell me it's going to be ok - and look into the future and wonder what I was worried about!
As the subject states my daughter is so far behind at school she is making small steps with reading maths and writing -!she has brought her school report home today and my stomach has sank at seeing the marks and score she has got (not even on the scale )

When she was in year 1 she got a diagnosis of being autistic - we didn't except what we were told. ( as in we didn't want to take it any further as I in it appearing on dr records etc) Just is our daughter and just like every other 7 year old I genuinely mean that - the problem is education she isn't one bit interested in learning to read write do maths
Her report isn't bad because she has qualities that you can't teach that she is beautiful inside and out - and I don't say it because I am biased and she my daughter I say it because so many ppl tell me how lovely she is and ppl instantly like her.
But all I can think is she going into year 3 in September still not reading writing doing maths - why me why my daughter all the other mums will be gushing how fabulous their children are and how proud - what do I say ? What do I do?
I am scared for when other children notice she is behind I am scared for high school for mean girls to appear I am scared she won't get job -
Ppl say take a day at time but please has anyone been in this situation and come out the other side - I need hope it's going to be ok

Sorry for the long post and I know people might read this and think there are worse things in the world but she is my world and this is my life .

Thanks

bobby81 Sun 17-Jul-16 20:52:57

Sorry to hear you are so worried, I would be exactly the same in your position.
My experience is very different but I'll tell you anyway in the hope it helps in some small way......my ds has an August birthday so is the very youngest in his year (he's at a tiny school & ALL the other boys in his year are nearly a year older than him) I was worried sick about him starting school & had visions of him being bullied, failing all his GCSEs when he was older etc etc.
He was REALLY behind all the other kids for at least 2 years & although he had always enjoyed school I know he found it difficult knowing that the others were further ahead than him. It broke my heart.
However......he is now at the end of year 3 and he's doing really well, his report is excellent & he's made real progress.
In the past we have paid for him to have extra tuition at the weekend but he only needed it for a short time, could this be an option for you? Also is the school supportive? Could you speak to them & let them know how worried you are? Is your dd happy to read/write with you at home for some extra practice?
I have no experience of autism so I know our situation is very different to yours but I just wanted you to know that I am the worlds worst worrier & honestly it's all turned out OK.
Also some of the most successful (and more importantly the happiest) people I know left school with very few qualifications so it's not the be all and end all!!
She sounds like a lovely girl & you have a lot to be proud of. Have a fantastic summer with her & try to forget about school for a bit! x

Meeep Sun 17-Jul-16 20:58:11

I don't understand what you mean, something about not accepting her diagnosis?
Does she have any sort of additional help at school at the moment?

Miloarmadillo1 Sun 17-Jul-16 21:16:25

I don't think you are doing her any favours refusing to accept an autism diagnosis (assuming that came from a doctor) It doesn't change the lovely girl she undoubtedly is. You need to use the 'label' to get the system working in her favour to get her some additional support so she can make more progress. What support is currently in place at school? Does she have an EHCP? Do school think she needs more help than they can provide with their SN funding?
I would book a meeting with the SENCO and her new class teacher for the beginning of Sept term and discuss what strategies can be put in place to support her. This should involve short term targets and regular reviews to see if they are being met.
As far as other playground mums go, they have no business knowing your daughter's levels etc and it's often a sign of insecurity if they need to boast about their own child. If someone asks if she got a good report, you say 'yes, we were so proud of how kind, helpful, friendly etc the teacher said she was' big smile, move the conversation on. It's much better to praise effort and character than achievement anyway!
I completely get what it's like to worry about your child's future, my youngest has a neurological condition and we don't know how much she will be capable of achieving. You can find a way of 'taking one day at a time' which means actively advocating for whatever your child needs at the moment and not worrying too much about the long term, it doesn't mean sit back and do nothing.

Kanga59 Fri 22-Jul-16 18:59:36

I'd reassess which school is best suited to providing for her so that she is maximising her potential. do you have an EYSENIT? ehcp?

what DOES she like doING. how can you leverage off of this to make it more educational?

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